spiderowl Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Hopefully after you do OLD for a bit you'll realize that quick meetings really are the way to go. The problem with talking to someone for a couple of weeks is that you feel real comfortable with them and almost feel like you are in a relationship with them before you ever meet. Then when you meet in person the expectations are already so high that you are going to date that it makes things harder if you don't feel the connection. I also think talking a lot beforehand leads you to build up that person in your mind too much. When you meet someone so quickly, there are no expectations. You don't know this person at all, so if you don't connect in real life, no big deal. Also, I would suggest keeping it to coffee or a quick drink if you start meeting quickly in case they are not right at all. I'm a female in my 30's and have no problems meeting after a couple days of messaging if my schedule permits. I always do it in a public place like a Starbucks and carry pepper spray just in case (but I have never felt remotely uncomfortable with anyone I've met online). I would disagree with this and definitely recommend chatting to someone for at least a week before meeting them. I have chatted to quite a few guys and after starting out ok, it's amazing how many say something that is really off-putting when they start to feel comfortable with you. Aggressiveness, clinginess and jealousy all appear pretty quickly and often before the end of a week's messaging. I'd highly recommend allowing a little time to message before committing yourself to a meeting. Of course, if you are meeting in a safe public place and you haven't given out your surname, address and workplace, it's relatively safe to meet early on, but do you really want to meet someone whose next message might have been 'I'm not driving at the moment because my licence has been suspended for speeding'? 1
GemmaUK Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I would disagree with this and definitely recommend chatting to someone for at least a week before meeting them. I have chatted to quite a few guys and after starting out ok, it's amazing how many say something that is really off-putting when they start to feel comfortable with you. Aggressiveness, clinginess and jealousy all appear pretty quickly and often before the end of a week's messaging. I'd highly recommend allowing a little time to message before committing yourself to a meeting. I totally agree with this. The OP was only wanting to give it a week or two before meeting. To be honest many folk may well need a week due to other plans anyway. I prefer to get to know someone for around a week first. As Spiderowl said here, this usually gives enough time for someone to show some of their true colours. If they do and I don't like what I see I'll quit the conversation and not meet them. It's nothing to do with being interested in anyone else it's just that they've said something or behaved in a way that has set an alarm bell off. Being way too pushy is one of those things which will set my alarm bells off. I think you're doing the right thing by moving on from this guy OP.
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