dstained Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I've been single for 4 years, met a woman and she became my girlfriend. We have been going for 2 months and I broke it off yesterday. We both have homes and no kids. For the sake of convenience because she can't sleep (insomnia) at my place I used to be at her place most of the time. Every now and then I felt that I needed to be home to do my own things and she would not give me the space for this. If I told her I need to be home a bit I would hear things like people who love each other don't need space like this. What would I do if we were married? - how would I then have my space? It felt like if all my attention was not fixed on her then she would get unhappy and that her whole world revolved around me. I felt totally trapped and decided that this is not healthy for me as I am a guy that needs time for other things and I need space every once in a while to go off and do my own thing like browse the web or watch sports on tv, etc... It's as if she needed us to do everything together. I started to feel like a trapped animal, trapped in a cage wanting desperately to escape. Today I feel like a dog but still never want to go back to the prison I found myself in. Maybe I was single to long? I can't think her take on how she wants things are healthy as people in a relationship needs to respect one another's space some of the time?
Emilia Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Yes I think you were single for too long and perhaps would not have picked this woman in another situation. You did the right thing.
Raena Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Going from being single for so long to instantly in the grips of a full fledged relationship where you are expected to be with her constantly is a tough thing to do. Maybe next time, make that clear up front that you need your own space to do your own thing from time to time. That you need to gradually work into spending more time together. You said you were only with her two months, that's not a whole lot of time. That kind of neediness right away is not a good sign and it's probably best that you left it alone.
NoLeafClover Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I defer ..I don't think it's because you were single for too long, I think it's because you just were not much into here despite what you tell yourself. You would not be bothered to watch sports at her house or browse the web on her computer if you were into here. Yes everyone needs space but everyone wants to be next to the person they love to as well. Thing is, if she was IDK ..your favorite model/actress/woman of your dreams, wanting to be at home for space wouldn't cross your mind. Depends how you see it but i feel people that have been single for a long time usually jump into relationships that tend to last a life time or a very long time. It fills that void and gap you have been missing when single. It also means that you are not codependent and take your time to pick and choose someone that's more fit for you which means being single so long has given you the time to figure out what you want really want in a partner. This is how I feel but everyone to their own I guess.
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I'll disagree with everybody. I don't think it is because you were single for so long, or that it is because you weren't into her enough to enjoy that. The part you had trouble with was that she'd become unhappy that you had (gasp!) a life, and things to do other than hang out at her apartment. That is over the top behavior for anybody, and I have to say, it is totally unattractive, as you have attested here today. It's nice to have a variety of interests in your life, and it is nice to date someone who also has a variety of interests in their life. Some will intersect, and for those that don't, maybe each of you will learn something from the other. You described it well - "suffocating" and "prison". If you're normal, you did the right thing. 1
veggirl Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 No one should expect their SO of only TWO MONTHS to spend 24/7 with them. That is psycho and clingy behavior. THAT'S what the problem is, not that you were single for too long. I'd run for the hills if a guy whined and bitched about me not basically MOVING IN with him after 2 mos. 1
Author dstained Posted September 19, 2014 Author Posted September 19, 2014 No one should expect their SO of only TWO MONTHS to spend 24/7 with them. That is psycho and clingy behavior. THAT'S what the problem is, not that you were single for too long. I'd run for the hills if a guy whined and bitched about me not basically MOVING IN with him after 2 mos. Thanks and I'm now 100% sure you are totally right. She turned out to be a total pshycho. I had to change my mobile number because she did not stop texting insults & accusations and did not stop calling which I ignored 100% because I just want to get away from her. Yesterday I answered my home phone mistaking the caller ID for a relative and it was her. She asked me why I left and I told her exactly what I told her previously and then she declared that she will commit suicide. I phoned her friend to go check up on her but still a sleepless night for me. Luckily nothing happened. I won't make the mistake again to answer the home phone when she is calling. Today she got a hold of my ex wife on Facebook somehow to discuss how "I'm throwing away my happiness". Total whack job!!! Manipulative person. How do I get rid of this person? Telling her to leave me alone just infuriates her. (I'm doing my utmost to ignore and avoid her) She's friends with my sister and started telling my sister things that I never said to probably try and sour me and my sister's relationship. This is crazy!!!
amaysngrace Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 Next time she bothers you or anyone you know tell her to leave you alone and if she doesn't you'll file a report with the police. Tell her to leave your exW and your employer alone too and anybody else you know. There are stalking laws for a reason. When you tell her to leave you alone make sure you do it in writing. A text would work. Just don't delete it.
Natsu21 Posted September 19, 2014 Posted September 19, 2014 This is why you NEVER move in with some chick you just met. 1
Mizz Layta Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 You did the right thing.She is too nedy and clingy
preraph Posted September 20, 2014 Posted September 20, 2014 There are people who need someone with them all the time and some who would probably be happy if they saw their spouse once a week. One isn't more in love than the other. It's just different space types. People who find themselves entertaining and enjoy their own company don't want to lose that to a suffocating person. I once liked this boyfriend but I couldn't handle it very long. He followed me around the house from one room to another right on my heels. He followed me into the bathroom. One day I just went EEK! And that was the only thing I didn't like about him really. But it's a big thing. Jeez, if he'd just sat still when I was roaming around the house, who knows how long it would have lasted. 1
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