jbliss Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Anyone heard of limerence? I'm pretty sure I just went/am going through that. I don't ever want to go through this again because it hurts really bad and makes me feel like I'm going crazy. So how do you prevent yourself from getting attached to someone you just start dating if that person has basically every quality that you're looking for in a partner? Is it just a rookie mistake? Bad luck?
ktya Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Im kind of prone to this. The initial intensity, the surge, the attachment. It's heady stuff. It also has its downside, as recently played out in my life. I picked up a girl in a bar, day game. She had a boyfriend. She spent 10 days straight 24/7 at my house and broke it up with him finally. We spent almost the entire month of August and half of July together almost 24/7. It was the total GFE (girlfriend experience) and she was young, firm, and beautiful. Lots of fun, she could drink like it was her job I had a blast with her. But easy come easy go. I havent seen her in two weeks and have barely talked to her. The feeling of having such an intense relationship ripped from you for no reason leaves you with a big hole in your chest. The thing is that when you like someone you want to spend time with them. It defies logic to have a partner in your life but to push them away in order to test them for long term suitability. To hold off from being around them on purpose can be enough to drive you insane. I dont know the answer to your question but you are not alone.
preraph Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Anyone heard of limerence? I'm pretty sure I just went/am going through that. I don't ever want to go through this again because it hurts really bad and makes me feel like I'm going crazy. So how do you prevent yourself from getting attached to someone you just start dating if that person has basically every quality that you're looking for in a partner? Is it just a rookie mistake? Bad luck? I sympathize and am somewhat that way myself, as if my brain is detached from my heart entirely. First, you cannot know that that person has every quality you're looking for. You cannot know that until you know someone really for at least a year or two. People are on their Sunday behavior in the early stages of dating. Their dark sides come out much later -- and everybody has one. You need to realize that you have an image in your head of the perfect woman and you are projecting that onto women you don't even know. The less you know them, the easier it is to say, Yes, she fits this image well. Once you get to know them, you will realize that NO one fits that image. That image is about you, not about her. If there are qualities you so admire in a woman that you obsess over them, it's best you cultivate those qualities in yourself.
Toodaloo Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Never heard of it but a google search brought up this which may help? Limerence, infatuations & obsessive love support - What treatment is there? Also try to imagine those butterflies in your tummy being indigestion rather than "love flutters". That's how I stopped thinking about the separated man I was getting a bit obsessed with... Hope it helps.
Emilia Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Nah, none of those 'remedies' work, it's about oxytocin, it's natural bonding. The only thing you can do is getting used to handling it.
Author jbliss Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 Take it slow physically. Too late for that. Nah, none of those 'remedies' work, it's about oxytocin, it's natural bonding. The only thing you can do is getting used to handling it. Ok, how can you get used to handling it? I can honestly say I've only felt this way once before in my life, and that was over ten years ago in high school.
d0nnivain Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 You apply logical self talk to remain detached & go cautiously. You say it's only been X days. I don't know him all that well yet. I should not get attached until we have gone through some major stuff together, at least the holidays. Mentally list all the things you don't know about him: how he behaves at a wedding, how you fight, how he handles loss, what he's like under stress, how he handles having a birthday, etc. In essence you rely more on logic / your brain then feelings & emotions. 1
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