girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I have been chatting with a man my age from Okcupid since the beginning of this month and I do have good vibes about him. We have good conversations and we have talked on the phone. Now what kinda bothers me is that he texts me everyday all day long. It's not like I don't want to talk to him since I am interested in him and planning to meet him in a couple weeks, I have a busy schedule. I work and finishing school soon along with other things so at least I talk to him out of my busy schedule. Also I'm not into texting. I know he is very interested in me but I wonder if these constant text messages are a cause of concern.
MsSmurf Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Does this guy not have a job? If not and he's not actively looking for one then that's a whole other issue. If he does have a job he may just be the needy type, which sounds like it won't work for you. I don't think you really need to have a conversation with him about his constant texting, just stop responding to all of them. You're not wrong for focusing on your job or school and getting back to him later, even if later is the next day. If he asks about it you can say you were busy. If that's a problem for him then perhaps he needs the kind of girl with nothing to do. 2
Author girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Does this guy not have a job? If not and he's not actively looking for one then that's a whole other issue. If he does have a job he may just be the needy type, which sounds like it won't work for you. I don't think you really need to have a conversation with him about his constant texting, just stop responding to all of them. You're not wrong for focusing on your job or school and getting back to him later, even if later is the next day. If he asks about it you can say you were busy. If that's a problem for him then perhaps he needs the kind of girl with nothing to do. Well he's in school and self employed but it's not anything stable. He is looking for something better
Emissary Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Y o u ' r e T e x t i n g T o o M u c h . . . (Except make each letter 1 single post lol) 6
GemmaUK Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 You need to knock this on the head asap. Not replying can help but you could then also be faced with a barrage or texts if he doesn't wait for a reply from you. It sounds silly but having to be beholden to a phone can just wreck your life. I've experienced the point at which I couldn't do anything at all without him requesting I explain what I was doing and why my phone was not permanently attached to my thumbs. Hopefully this guy will ease off and just be considerate that you have a life outside of your phone to keep afloat. 2
Fondue Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 If you tell him he's texting you too much, he might back off but still be interested... Or he might think you're no longer interested. If you stop replying to him as frequently, he might send you more texts (and might even get upset/mad and try to make you feel bad)... And/Or he might think you're no longer interested. Unfortunately, the bolded in both scenarios will be the likely outcome. Which I'm not sure is what you want. It might not matter because you guys never met, but I dunno. What do you think? It's weird you guys have been talking for so long and never met. Don't do that. meet people off OLD as quickly as you can. Don't get attached to people by conversations before you meet them. You NEVER know how chemistry is going to be in person. You're setting yourself up for failure/disappointment if you keep talking and not meeting. 1
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Are you replying every single time? Immediately? If so, you are texting just as much. So why not slow down the responses and maybe he won't text as much. Either that or TELL HIM. But if you are responding every single time, immediately... then you are part of the problem 1
BlueIris Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 IF you’re interested in him, I’d say, “Because of work and school, I can’t text much. Also, I’m not big on texting. Maybe we can talk on the phone some night?” 3
deathandtaxes Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Weeks? holy ****. Why are you even on the site if you can't go out for a few weeks? It's hard to keep anything going if you have to wait weeks on top of the weeks already spent talking, to meet somebody. I'm sorry, but nobody is ever so busy they can't meet up for a half hour coffee or drink during a random night during the week. If you are that busy, then you're doing something wrong in life, imo. 5
littleplanet Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I have been chatting with a man my age from Okcupid since the beginning of this month and I do have good vibes about him. We have good conversations and we have talked on the phone. Now what kinda bothers me is that he texts me everyday all day long. It's not like I don't want to talk to him since I am interested in him and planning to meet him in a couple weeks, I have a busy schedule. I work and finishing school soon along with other things so at least I talk to him out of my busy schedule. Also I'm not into texting. I know he is very interested in me but I wonder if these constant text messages are a cause of concern. Bingo. If you were, you'd be matching him thumb-fidget for thumb-fidget. If he's a big boy, all grown up and house-trained, he'll understand. If not, then textured response becomes the yardstick he uses to measure your fabric with. Sadly, over the past few years, I've watched otherwise intelligent people slowly sink into the text security blankie. Addiction beyond reason. But, communication is what it is. If person to person and face to face is what you require, then lay down your ground rules. If you haven't actually met yet - let him know that he doesn't have to overfunction in script, before that fact. 2
preraph Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 You have to nip it in the bud by being straighforward about it "I don't have time to text this much and even if I did, I don't have that much to say, so...." Whatever you start out doing because of being acquiescent and polite, he will expect you to continue and more. So nip it now. 1
writergal Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I agree. Just be honest with him OP and end this connection now. Clearly it's not working for either of you; he won't call and you won't text. There's no middle ground here, so there's no point moving forward with this guy. You don't sound that interested in him anyway. He's already low on your priority list: work, school, other activities, then him. Sounds like you need to find a guy who is more like you, and who respects your preferences whereas this guy clearly doesn't if he continues to barrage you with texts instead of stopping to just call you instead. Then I'd think you'd make the time to invest in something romantic with the right person. 3
Author girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 If you tell him he's texting you too much, he might back off but still be interested... Or he might think you're no longer interested. If you stop replying to him as frequently, he might send you more texts (and might even get upset/mad and try to make you feel bad)... And/Or he might think you're no longer interested. Unfortunately, the bolded in both scenarios will be the likely outcome. Which I'm not sure is what you want. It might not matter because you guys never met, but I dunno. What do you think? It's weird you guys have been talking for so long and never met. Don't do that. meet people off OLD as quickly as you can. Don't get attached to people by conversations before you meet them. You NEVER know how chemistry is going to be in person. You're setting yourself up for failure/disappointment if you keep talking and not meeting. That is what I am worried about too but he is aware that he text me too much but I will tell him nicely to ease it abit. I haven't met him yet because I want to finish school first which I will soon and I have thought to meet up sooner.
Author girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Are you replying every single time? Immediately? If so, you are texting just as much. So why not slow down the responses and maybe he won't text as much. Either that or TELL HIM. But if you are responding every single time, immediately... then you are part of the problem No I don't always respond right away.
Author girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Weeks? holy ****. Why are you even on the site if you can't go out for a few weeks? It's hard to keep anything going if you have to wait weeks on top of the weeks already spent talking, to meet somebody. I'm sorry, but nobody is ever so busy they can't meet up for a half hour coffee or drink during a random night during the week. If you are that busy, then you're doing something wrong in life, imo. Well I'm not that busy and I could meet up with him sooner which I think I am going to do. I wanted to take my time to get to know him until I was comfortable
Author girlywoman25 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 I agree. Just be honest with him OP and end this connection now. Clearly it's not working for either of you; he won't call and you won't text. There's no middle ground here, so there's no point moving forward with this guy. You don't sound that interested in him anyway. He's already low on your priority list: work, school, other activities, then him. Sounds like you need to find a guy who is more like you, and who respects your preferences whereas this guy clearly doesn't if he continues to barrage you with texts instead of stopping to just call you instead. Then I'd think you'd make the time to invest in something romantic with the right person. No it's not that I'm not interested in him and he has called me. I do have time to meet up with him I just choose to wait until I'm comfortable and I want to be sure I want to meet him.
Fondue Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 No it's not that I'm not interested in him and he has called me. I do have time to meet up with him I just choose to wait until I'm comfortable and I want to be sure I want to meet him. The more you wait, the less interested he will be in meeting with you! What if by the time you're ready, he no longer cares? Or worse, what if you're "ready," you meet him, and he's not what you expect. Are you waiting to "like" him? If so, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's much better just meet them ASAP and go from there. Trust me. One of the first women I met from OLD was like that. She wanted to wait for a few weeks. She was definitely not what I expected. I was disappointed and dropped her soon after. I'm sure she was hurt because she already built a connection with me (she was really, really upset once I told her we're not going to meet again). I was disappointed because she wasn't what I thought she was. From that point on, I made it a rule to get a girl's # within 4 messages and then take her out on a date later that week. That way you just get it over with and see if you click. 5
batgirl Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Just tell him you're not that into texting, and he's doing it too much. But, to be fair, if I were him and you told me that, my answer would be "we'll I hate talking on the phone, and we have yet to meet in person, and you say it is long way off, so take a hike." 1
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Good god you are an adult, just tell the poor bastard he needs to cool down on the texts because you find it over whelming, and don't have the time for it because of school. wow why is it so hard to just say it. This site is full of threads of people asking "what is going on with them, or what does their lack of response means?" Just be honest, clear the air so everyone can carry on with their day. 3
dumbass2 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well I'm not that busy and I could meet up with him sooner which I think I am going to do. I wanted to take my time to get to know him until I was comfortable My rule of thumb in regards to OLD is when I start messaging someone I am initially interested in then I want to get to the phone number after 2-3 emails and then talk for a bit and if it goes well, then ask for a first date within 7 days at a low key public place to just get together face to face. 75% of the time it is just that, one and done and that is it and not a lot of time wasted. As I guy, I do not want to keep emailing or texting back and forth without a phone call first, then some texting is fine, but the key is to get to the first date a soon as possible. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Text back to him "This is a very busy time for me right now, I will contact you soon but not right now." If he does not get it, he does not get it. But communication is key to this rather than avoidance. If he says "Ok, call / text when you can" then he's a good guy at least in the short term. If not, he's ... Not. But tell him this ASAP then catch him up later on. 1
mightycpa Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I think this ought to do it: Hey it's Matilda. Stop texting me so much. I like you, but I don't like all these texts. You're going to ruin it if you don't stop. Call me sometime. 1
isisisweeping Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I'm big on honesty. Tell him; "Oh sorry I don't reply quickly always. Honestly, I'm not big on texting anyways and am superbusy and can't quite handle so many! Maybe we can cut it back? I am looking forward to meeting you and talking face to face!" (Last sentence if you want to reaffirm your interest.) Someone honestly telling me things does not bother me. Letting me try to figure it out on my own by not replying or whatever doesn't serve much purpose other than me not wanting much to do with them. 2
ja123 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 IF you’re interested in him, I’d say, “Because of work and school, I can’t text much. Also, I’m not big on texting. Maybe we can talk on the phone some night?” This. ^ ^ ^ 1
spiderowl Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I think I would just reduce the number of texts I send back. Texting all day is extreme. If he sends more as a result of me reducing mine, I'd just say I don't have time to respond to more than a few texts a day. If he thinks I'm not interested in him any more, that's his problem. He shouldn't be so excessive in the first place. 1
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