robbysurfs Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 My ex broke up with me last Sunday claiming that she had to much on her plate for a relationship. I fully understood this and know what it meant but does she. She texts me everyday stuff like "hey hoes it going" or "hey hows you day going". At first I entertained it and would respond in hopes of something that would indicate maybe we can repair or mend. Now I am at the point where its confusing and basically not fair to me. I need to set a boundary and I am lost because I never had to deal with this. All my last relationships were clean breaks and I never had to deal with this backlash of pointless and meaningless banter any advice would be greatly appreciated.
triptop Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) Hey man, just going through a break up little over a month ago myself. Now you will have everyone tell you to man up close it off etc. Easier said then done. If I were you I would try going No contact of course but some people have a hard time so start pulling away slowly if you have to. But with that goal in mind of not talking everyday to almost no contact at all. Also find something you enjoy. You have your health and are blessed. For me I started playing basketball again. I play 4 days a week now. Gives me something to look forward to. Also start talking to other girls. Not with the intention of dating or a quick lay. Just for a confidence boost and some quality time with other people. Set yourself a goal. Say this week I will distant myself. A week from now I will go No Contact. Just a thought my man. Edited September 14, 2014 by triptop
Art_Critic Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 reply back to one of her texts with "please don't text me any longer, thanks" or block and delete her number... 1
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Block her number or change your phone number or tell her to stop texting you. You aren't together and you aren't doing the "friend" thing either.
evanescentworld Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Just stop. Treat it like junk mail through your letterbox. You might get plenty, but how many do you actually reply to?
Author robbysurfs Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 A quick update I sent her a letter in form of a txt and it went along the lines of this txting is confusing,hurtful,and meaningless and she needs to respect me and check her motives and understand i have feelings too because i cant do this any longer. she responded with "i never meant for it to be meaningless I was just trying to stay in touch." The next message was "So, I guess this relationship is over and I should not reach out anymore." Then the third was "do you want to meet up today?" I am lost man really and she is certainly confused
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 A quick update I sent her a letter in form of a txt and it went along the lines of this txting is confusing,hurtful,and meaningless and she needs to respect me and check her motives and understand i have feelings too because i cant do this any longer. she responded with "i never meant for it to be meaningless I was just trying to stay in touch." The next message was "So, I guess this relationship is over and I should not reach out anymore." Then the third was "do you want to meet up today?" I am lost man really and she is certainly confused Yes, the relationship is over. She ended it. She's trying to demote you from romantic lover to buddy. Just ignore and block her -- you've already told her that her texting is hurting you and she doesn't care. But being her buddy is not the way you are going to reconcile -- it's how you will be put in the friend zone. And you obviously aren't ready to be a platonic buddy. Block her.
evanescentworld Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 A quick update I sent her a letter in form of a txt and it went along the lines of this txting is confusing,hurtful,and meaningless and she needs to respect me and check her motives and understand i have feelings too because i cant do this any longer. she responded with "i never meant for it to be meaningless I was just trying to stay in touch." The next message was "So, I guess this relationship is over and I should not reach out anymore." Then the third was "do you want to meet up today?" I am lost man really and she is certainly confused She clearly either simply doesn't get it, or to be perfectly blunt, is too far into her own needy ego to care about what you want. She wants to continue contact to appease her conscience AND keep you on as a buddy. Whatever part of "Leave me alone please" she doesn't understand, you will have to explain in one fell swoop by promptly completely ignoring her and cutting off every avenue she has to get in touch with you. This means blocking her on Facebook, and shutting off all and any other avenues currently open to her. You need to go further than blocking her on your phone, too... You need to actually change your number. I have done this, twice, through a move across Europe, AND a change of mobile Phone provider contract. I promise you, it did my contacts no harm, and didn't put anybody out.
somedude81 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 She seems really confused and doesn't know what she actually wants.
Lingo1 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 LEAVE NOW BEFORE ITS TO LATE ! i literally got out of this couple of weeks ago she would text me our future , our child that died by miscarriage and other stuff while she was dating him she will leave u feeling stupid in the end( not calling u stupid just saying the situation shes going to leave u in ) but trust me leave her alone or u will fail at the end sure it may sound and look but trust me she will NOT LEAVE HER relationship for u so leave
ThorntonMelon Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 "Unless you are reaching out to me realizing ending our relationship was a terrible, terrible mistake, yes, this relationship is over and we will not be communicating going forward. I understand your decision and wish you nothing but the best."
lauri Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Is there another guy? Seems like she is keeping you around just in case things don't go her way. Judging by her actions, she doesn't know what she wants. Confusion normally means they have fallen out of love with you and may not understand why or how she did. Pretty much confusion is bad and means you're either on your way out or have already been axed. The one thing I do know is the more you talk to her, the more hurt you're going to be. You need to step away and realize that this relationship cannot be saved by you sticking around. She needs to have her safety net cut...that safety net is you. You need to disappear..don't say a word or explain why. Even though she is confused, one thing is certain..her actions show that she doesn't want to be with you.
mightycpa Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 "Yes the relationship is over. Meet up? No. Maybe one day. I'll let you know. Until that day comes, just stop."
No Limit Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 Obviously she didn't get the message and tests your boundaries. Stick to NC yourself, and simply block her. Silence is a very well-understood response.
Author robbysurfs Posted September 15, 2014 Author Posted September 15, 2014 I actually met her today for a coffee the same day of this "hey you want to meet up txt." What took place from here is she broke up with me again haha(she already broke up with me last week) and basically said i am not into you like that anymore and I dont want to persue a romantic relationship with you. It really hurt let me tell that much, and then I proceeded to say are you sure this is it because we cant be friends. She did try to buddy zone me or demote me from romantic partner to friend. I left her with this take care of yourself and walked off. I tried but sometimes it just aint meant to be. I learned from this tho and what I learned is take your time when getting into these things because when you rush and move to quickly it usually is short lived...
somedude81 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 At least you got a solid answer. Next time she texts you, tell her that you don't want to talk to her anymore if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 She's going to text you again. She didn't listen the first time you tried to put your foot down, she's not going to listen to you now. You'd be best served to block her at this point. You told her you can't be friends -- now it's time for you to stick to that.
beach Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 So block her so she quits wasting your time. That way you're not distracted with her nonsense.
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