kumar123 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I'm very bad at this whole etiquette for texting thing and e-communications. I was seeing this guy for a bit and am still interested in him. We are close friends or so I think. About a couple of months ago, 2 weeks went by without hearing from him. When he texted me, I replied but kept it brief. He picked up on it and asked what was wrong. I called him and told him that I don't think it's okay to take weeks to respond to texts and can come off as rude. He heard me out, apologized and seemed genuinely surprised by my feedback. He had no idea how rude that can be. We came up with a game plan, which was to text less and call more, and that I'd appreciate a more hasty response time. We went out, had a great time, he texted me for a wonderful time, and sent me some cute Facebook messages. I kept my replies to his Facebook messages very brief but friendly and positive, but did include a thoughtful question. Well a couple of weeks ago we both went on vacation to different countries. I sent him that Facebook message the day before we both left for our trips. Not only has he not replied, but he hasn't even looked at it, but posts something every single day on Facebook. He's traveling in a Westernised country with access to Internt. I'm in a third world country and could understand if he had issues with accessing the Internet but if he's posting stuff every day, then clearly he could have replied. I've met people traveling abroad who have replied to my messages consistently. I know he will respond to my message probably when he gets back, with some apology for taking 2 weeks to respond. Or I'll see him on Thursday at an event with mutual friends. I'm just fed up with his behavior and feel no need for a further discussion. If he reaches out, is it fine to simply not respond? Am I being immature? Again, I told him how I felt several times, even cooperated by writing him brief messages that take very little time to respond to, etc. I'm just tired of trying so hard to make the simple things work and seeing him say he'll fix it and then not.
Phoe Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I'll just say, that if he's accessing facebook from an app, that he cannot read those messages. Messages can no longer be read through the facebook app. You have to get a different app to access messages. 1
cif Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 What Phoe said is true.. Its a different app now for messages. Also, it does sound to me like youre not into him anymore. 1
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Thank you. I did not realize that and would explain why he hasn't seen the message. I use Facebook from a browser on my phone so am able to use that functionality. I'm still into him (even got him a small souvenir a few days ago), but him not talking to me for 2 weeks in the recent past really put me off and has caused me to put a wall up. Basically in the last 5 weeks, I've only seen him one time and had any sort of textual conversation with him twice and only one phone conversation (to discuss the delayed texts). This is why him not responding to my last message for the last 2 weeks is pushing my limits. I understand we are both traveling and I'm barely on the Internet, but again, I've reached out to friends who are currently travelling and this has never been an issue for me. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I don't want to spend weeks or months waiting for someone to treat me like any normal person would.
Mister Zen Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Thank you. I did not realize that and would explain why he hasn't seen the message. I use Facebook from a browser on my phone so am able to use that functionality. I'm still into him (even got him a small souvenir a few days ago), but him not talking to me for 2 weeks in the recent past really put me off and has caused me to put a wall up. Basically in the last 5 weeks, I've only seen him one time and had any sort of textual conversation with him twice and only one phone conversation (to discuss the delayed texts). This is why him not responding to my last message for the last 2 weeks is pushing my limits. I understand we are both traveling and I'm barely on the Internet, but again, I've reached out to friends who are currently travelling and this has never been an issue for me. I like giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I don't want to spend weeks or months waiting for someone to treat me like any normal person would. He isn't as into you as you are into him. Simple as that. You can always tell how much someone likes you by how willing they are to cooperate in the relationship and compromise. Low cooperation means low interest. At the same time, if you are too controlling with someone they will rebel. People generally don't like being told what to do, how to live and how to act. I know I'm that way. 1
Emissary Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 There's probably no gain in delaying your response. Even if you're ticked at him, you've reconnected and emotions are running high, he's vulnerable and this is a prime strategic moment to strike. Hide your emotions away, you must break him, you must break him if you truly wish for him to be yours. To break a man, the woman must be strong, hide your feelings and act with cold cunning and show no mercy. 1
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 There's probably no gain in delaying your response. Even if you're ticked at him, you've reconnected and emotions are running high, he's vulnerable and this is a prime strategic moment to strike. Hide your emotions away, you must break him, you must break him if you truly wish for him to be yours. To break a man, the woman must be strong, hide your feelings and act with cold cunning and show no mercy. I'm not sure what you mean by this. Can you explain? Anyway, he's returned from his holiday today and wrote an email to a mutual friend group saying how he's returned and asking some questions. Yet, he still hasn't viewed or replied to my Facebook message. It's been a couple of weeks since we talked and figured he would at least keep in touch, but he seems to have failed again. I'm also considering not going to the group thing on Thursday. I don't need to and am pretty disappointed at this point.
Eggplant Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 If you tell him you're still upset about a text conversation from 2 weeks ago being left unfinished, you have now assigned pressure and significance to what used to be a simple and easy and low-pressure way to connect. When getting to know each other, people should be free to talk without feeling immediately locked into a committed relationship. You may have pushed him away. 1
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 If you tell him you're still upset about a text conversation from 2 weeks ago being left unfinished, you have now assigned pressure and significance to what used to be a simple and easy and low-pressure way to connect. When getting to know each other, people should be free to talk without feeling immediately locked into a committed relationship. You may have pushed him away. Just to clarify... I have known this guy for 6 months, hence me saying we are close friends by this point. I know a great deal about his life and we have been very,. very open with each other. If we were in the initial stages of dating AND were strangers, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, when I first met him we were already texting each other within 24 hours. When he stopped talking to me for 2 weeks randomly, this was after seeing him every single week, talking every couple of days for a couple of months straight. It was quite a big change and before I even brought it up to him, he had a feeling that his inconsistency with communicating had turned me off. I don't think I assigned pressure. I said it bothered me. I think not talking to someone for 2 weeks is a big deal, unless I'm going crazy. I don't think it's reasonable for me to try to be okay with not talking to a guy for a couple of weeks out of fear that it may cause pressure or upset him. If he called or communicated with me in other ways then that's fine... I wouldn't be upset... but straight up not responding or reaching out for 2 weeks is upsetting.
Recommended Posts