maddiewilson Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I noticed a guy at my college’s gym who I would see all the time. I smiled at him and he said hi, and the next day, he initiated a conversation with me. We would see each other there a couple days a week and talk for about 20 minutes. He’s 28, a grad student, and I’m 19. He SEEMED to show a lot of interest in me, he would remember EVERYTHING I told him, he would always ask me how my midterms or papers went, and he would look at me for a long time and smile and laugh at everything I said. This went on for several weeks, but he never asked me for my number. School ended, so I added him on Facebook and messaged him. We messaged for about a month, then I casually brought up hiking because it was something he showed interest in. I said that I always wanted to go but could never find anyone willing to go with me, hint hint. He never replied after this! Should I talk to him if I see him when school starts or is he not into me? I developed really strong feelings for him
CarrieT Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 At that age difference, you might be nothing other than a physical diversion... He wouldn't be able to take you out properly (like, with cocktails) and the mental difference between being 19 and early 20s (22/23) is HUGE when you are 29. Your "strong feelings" are fantasy ideas of who you think he is and what you hope you two could be together. You don't know him well enough to have those feelings be real or returned.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I don't see any reason why you shouldn't talk to him when school resumes and you run into each other again, though you shouldn't have any expectations for it to develop any further than friendly conversation. Grad to undergrad, 29 to 19, is a pretty big gap for life experience. All the physical attractions may be there, but from what you're telling there's not much substance to launch a deeper relationship from. Are you both in the same field of study? Do you share similar passions and values? Life goals? Socio-economic backgrounds ?
MissBee Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I noticed a guy at my college’s gym who I would see all the time. I smiled at him and he said hi, and the next day, he initiated a conversation with me. We would see each other there a couple days a week and talk for about 20 minutes. He’s 28, a grad student, and I’m 19. He SEEMED to show a lot of interest in me, he would remember EVERYTHING I told him, he would always ask me how my midterms or papers went, and he would look at me for a long time and smile and laugh at everything I said. This went on for several weeks, but he never asked me for my number. School ended, so I added him on Facebook and messaged him. We messaged for about a month, then I casually brought up hiking because it was something he showed interest in. I said that I always wanted to go but could never find anyone willing to go with me, hint hint. He never replied after this! Should I talk to him if I see him when school starts or is he not into me? I developed really strong feelings for him Maybe he took a more superficial liking to you but isn't interested in actually pursuing you for a relationship because of the age differences and the problems that can present as Carrie T mentioned. It seems he was being friendly and perhaps did find you attractive but then thought better of pursuing you. I'm a grad student and I would avoid dating an undergrad at my university. Well a part from the fact that at this stage in the game I do feel there is a huge difference between us and don't have an interest in younger men, I'm still too young for that. Although for guys it may be different. Besides that though, we have to teach undergrads and serve as teaching assistants and of course a person in a teacher role dating their student is against university policy so avoiding dating undergrads altogether is best. So perhaps he's thinking about that too. Or maybe he met someone he's more into over the summer...it could be any number of things. You can of course speak to him when you see him, I don't see why not, but as for your "really strong feelings" it seems like you guys spoke casually at the gym and on FB but didn't have much of a relationship, so it shouldn't be too difficult to get over those feelings if he doesn't reciprocate as it wasn't built on months or years of having an intimate relationship, but a relatively short crush.
somedude81 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I noticed a guy at my college’s gym who I would see all the time. I smiled at him and he said hi, and the next day, he initiated a conversation with me. We would see each other there a couple days a week and talk for about 20 minutes. He’s 28, a grad student, and I’m 19. He SEEMED to show a lot of interest in me, he would remember EVERYTHING I told him, he would always ask me how my midterms or papers went, and he would look at me for a long time and smile and laugh at everything I said. This went on for several weeks, but he never asked me for my number. School ended, so I added him on Facebook and messaged him. We messaged for about a month, then I casually brought up hiking because it was something he showed interest in. I said that I always wanted to go but could never find anyone willing to go with me, hint hint. He never replied after this! Should I talk to him if I see him when school starts or is he not into me? I developed really strong feelings for him When I was 31 I dated a girl who was 20. Aside from it being a bit of a bother her not being able to order a drink at a restaurant, it was fine. As for him not asking you out, that really doesn't have anything to do with his age. After messaging him on Facebook and dropping hints to things you want to do on a date, it's just obvious he's not interested. All you can do is move on.
Els Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I think he's trying to let you down 'nicely' - if he were interested in you he would definitely have picked up on that opportunity at the very least. It may or may not be because of the age difference - to be fair, most of the guys I know around his age are not usually interested in a serious R with a 19 yo, but then again exceptions do happen. Regardless, his reasons don't really matter, you should move on and talk to other guys instead.
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