lilmiscassie92 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 So I'm 22, my boyfriend is 24. I worked really hard in school and haven't had a summer break in over 3 years, and now I am applying to occupational therapy school next cycle. My boyfriend has just been working and after he met me he said I motivated him enough that he enrolled part time in school and has been doing well thus far. I've studied a lot and didn't always make time for a social life because school was always my priority and passion. We just moved in together 3 weeks ago because I have an abusive, dysfunctional family situation I needed to get away from. Four weeks ago, my alcoholic crazy mother and aunt had both assaulted me and when I tried to call the police my grandmother, mother, and aunt all ganged up on me and said they were going to lie and say it never happened. I did not feel safe and my boyfriend said I needed to get out of there and he would help me. I moved to the other side of town where I have no idea where anything is. I at first didn't have a job (I get financial aide anyway but still) and was job searching but now I finally got offered a job substitute teaching last Friday, now I have to go through training, paperwork, orientation, etc; I'm taking my last 4 classes I need to get an A in for OT school including anatomy & physiology; I'm getting my observation hours as well which requires me to wake up at 5am on the weekends. I get everyone has stress, but I'm just saying I haven't quite adjusted yet. I also am the one who does all the chores, cooking, whenever there is a problem I have to call the office because he doesn't even want to talk to them, he hasn't even checked the mail once. Both of the utilities are in my name. I get he works 60 hours a week and that's fine but he's already tried to put me into 2 social situations in the last 2 weeks and it was during the worst time ever. He got mad the first time because he wanted me to cook dinner and entertain his couple friend (who I can't stand because the girl is so stuck up and in the first 5 minutes of meeting me she had the audacity to ask me my parent's salary, why they weren't paying for my education, how much student loans I had etc.) the day before I had my first test of the semester. I told him I didn't mind if he hung out with his friends but I couldn't hang out and would just stay at school and study - big argument because I wouldn't hang out with them. Then now he was pissed because he wanted me to go to dinner with like 10 members of his family when he claims he just wants me to meet his father when I have to do a 20 hour orientation online for my job this weekend as well as study for all my classes and I just barely got home from my hospital shift. Not to mention the maintenance guy randomly showed up because our freezer wasn't working and I literally was in the middle of stripping off my scrubs to take a shower. Sorry that was so long. I feel like a jerk because I'm canceling on family dinner, but the restaurant is 30 minutes away, and it would be a few hours away from the small amount of time I have this weekend to do what I need to do. Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to go tonight?
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 First of all: be very certain that you're not leaving one abusive situation for another. How long have you been dating? Are you sure you're ready to live together? I also am the one who does all the chores, cooking, Are you okay with this? It seems that if he's working 60 hours a week and you're on welfare then yes, this might be fair, but only if you both agree that it is. whenever there is a problem I have to call the office What "problem" What do you mean call the office? he hasn't even checked the mail once Again, is this okay with you? The way you bring it up suggests it's not. Both of the utilities are in my name. How did you manage this being on social assistance? If he leaves you can you cover the costs? Are there other bills that he's taking care of to make it equal? he's already tried to put me into 2 social situations in the last 2 weeks Again, the way you're saying it is as if he forced you into these situations. How? Sorry that was so long. I feel like a jerk because I'm canceling on family dinner, but the restaurant is 30 minutes away, and it would be a few hours away from the small amount of time I have this weekend to do what I need to do. Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to go tonight? No, they're your priorities. He should accept them. It's not a holiday, so politely suggest that you have other things you need to focus on, and would be happy to meet his family another time.
Diezel Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Was there any reason why you chose to move in with him instead of say, a friend, or a place that was looking for roommates? 2
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Was there any reason why you chose to move in with him instead of say, a friend, or a place that was looking for roommates? Frying pan, meet fire. 2
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Here's another "shack-up" failure story... I applaud you for doing the right things (working hard, sacrificing, studying) and trying to get out of your dysfunctional home, but you jumped from one frying pan to another if you asked me... If you really just wanted to move out of your home and not try to hang on to this guy, I'm sure you could have gotten a place with females cuz people do it all the time. From what you've said about this guy, he has no ambition and is a leech. When you met him, he should already have the same goals that you have. I don't believe in this 'he/she has "potential"' thing that some people think. You can't mold someone into what you are looking for. Also, you are doing all the work around the house and he expects you to cater to him and his friends. Next time, don't reveal to a guy your history until you know him for sure. People who take advantage of others are always seeking out someone weak and you seem like a sweet and responsible chick - someone he can leech off of. Look for some female roommates and find out the laws on how to get him out of your place (some places say you have to properly evict someone once they've established "residency" in your place - in other words, they've been under the same roof with you for more than 30 days and/or are getting mail there). If you have trouble getting him out, then you move out. BTW, next time, no shack-ups.
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