sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Hey guys, I'll just dive right into it. Been broken up with my ex-girlfriend now for 17 days and also gone NC for 17 days. Finally felt like I was getting somewhere (even though I do know I still really want her back) but I was starting to feel a little better about everything. Well, I got tinder as a bit of a joke thing and unfortunately guess who came up on it... It really hurt for some reason, especially after the last thing she said to me was she could only see herself with me and that she wasn't looking for anyone else or another relationship. It also confirmed that she's now back at university in my home town. To top it all off, one of he friends who I missed when removing everyone on facebook, changed her picture to them in Rome having a really good time (don't worry, she's now deleted). I guess it just all coupled together. I know she hasn't been alone at all since the break-up so maybe this is why it looks like she is moving on so well. I don't even really think I have a question, I'm just venting. Really want to talk to her, but I know she would only shoot me down. Do you really think she could have moved on this quickly? We went out for 15 months, loved each other, spoke of a future etc. Then she decided things got too serious and she wanted to just be on her own, even though she was the one who pushed it to this serious stage. She's 20, I'm 23.
Justsimplyliving Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Alright, same thing happened to me broke up saying the exact same things as your girl, then heard she was on tinder etc. It sucks it really hurt, I cannot stress about how well you are doing keep the NC keep trying to move on. I am telling you right now if you do that she will come back but at that point you want to be at the point where you are comfortable either way more of a I really care about her but I could live without her and when she asks the question of getting back you really think if its worth it to you. Your doing well keep it up !
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Do you really think she could have moved on this quickly?....Then she decided things got too serious and she wanted to just be on her own, even though she was the one who pushed it to this serious stage. She's 20, I'm 23. Hell yeah she moved on. 17 days is an eternity when you're 20 and single at University. Re: "I just want to be on my own", well, there's a reason for that. You wouldn't like being the third wheel, and watching, or hearing about it. She just didn't want to hurt your feelings, and once the break was made, she could think, well, what did he expect? That I'd sit around in my room?
Author sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Alright, same thing happened to me broke up saying the exact same things as your girl, then heard she was on tinder etc. It sucks it really hurt, I cannot stress about how well you are doing keep the NC keep trying to move on. I am telling you right now if you do that she will come back but at that point you want to be at the point where you are comfortable either way more of a I really care about her but I could live without her and when she asks the question of getting back you really think if its worth it to you. Your doing well keep it up ! Thanks for the kind words, I guess it's kind of what I needed to hear. There is still some false hope that she's going to contact me at any minute, but deep down I know she won't. I honestly can't believe I've already done NC for this long. Still hurts as much as the first day though. Do you really think there's a chance she'll come back in the end? Like you said, I hope it isn't until I'm over this. As much as I love her and I really want to be with her, she wasn't good to me the last few months. Eurgh, this sucks Oh and she has literally been back at university for 1 day. I guess if it's going to happen, it'll be after she's messed about, had her fun, and things suddenly aren't so rosy any more!
rosycheeks Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 You know what you gotta do. Stay NC. She knows how you feel about her, she knows you love her and want a relationship with her, but the moment she doesn't want one right now. You gotta remember how you felt about the relationship and how she feels about it is different right now, its not the same and might be for a long while. in time she might realize and very well may come back wanting to reconcile knowing what she left behind, And then maybe she wont. With either case not only you, but her as well need to move on from each other and move on from what "was" and what could have been. That way if you do end up meeting again in the future you can both talk to one another with no hurt feelings. And then should the topic arise to try again, you can go from there.
Author sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Oh I will definitely be sticking with NC, it's the only thing I have left right now. Just one of those rubbish days where it seems like she's having the time of her life while I'm sat here miserable again. Didn't help with how cold she sounded when we did break up, sounded like she didn't even care.
rosycheeks Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Oh I will definitely be sticking with NC, it's the only thing I have left right now. Just one of those rubbish days where it seems like she's having the time of her life while I'm sat here miserable again. Didn't help with how cold she sounded when we did break up, sounded like she didn't even care. I've been feeling the same way. Its okay. Its only been a week for me, And its so difficult. I see his snapchat and it looks like he's doing perfectly fine without me. But I realize I need to make myself feel the same. And that's what you gotta do too. Make yourself feel like a million bucks. Even if you have to fake it for now. Fake it till you make it.
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Didn't help with how cold she sounded when we did break up, sounded like she didn't even care. I had one like that, I loved her from here to forever, and one day it all just changed. Cold as ice, and it was not a conversation. It was more like I was just being given notice to vacate immediately. The world changed that day, because she didn't care any more, and I could tell. It takes a lot of getting used to. 1
tim_tom Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I had one like that, I loved her from here to forever, and one day it all just changed. Cold as ice, and it was not a conversation. It was more like I was just being given notice to vacate immediately. The world changed that day, because she didn't care any more, and I could tell. It takes a lot of getting used to. How does that happen!? I really don't get it, like an instant personality shift
Author sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Guess it's just a long process of realising she isn't coming back and it is over. When I think back, it wouldn't have worked in the end anyway. I said we could make things better by trying to talk about the problems, she disagreed and didn't think talking about our problems would solve anything which I still haven't been able to get my head around. And tbh, she was quite a private person anyway so I would never know how she's really feeling right now. She would never tell anyone if she got upset, not even me most of the time. There was just no communication
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 How does that happen!? I really don't get it, like an instant personality shift In my case, I don't know for 100% sure, but I'd have to say that the only thing that really changed about her was the object of her affection.
Author sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 I like to think she did it because she didn't want me begging and trying to get her back. Or maybe to come out trying to look strong. All I know is it hurt me a lot. From telling someone every single day you love them and they're perfect for you to instantly not caring about you any more. It just does not make sense to me
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I like to think she did it because she didn't want me begging and trying to get her back. I felt that way at first too. I saw a lot of resolve and determination in her that day. Later, it occurred to me that you can be resolute without being indifferent. I came to accept that the cold part was sincere, and any attempt to tell myself otherwise was just me engaging in wishful thinking. When coupled with her no contact, aka abandonment, it made a lot of sense. It could have gone a million ways, but it only went down the way it went down.
Author sharp357 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Unfortunately I do think you're right. If it was me, I would have been a lot better about it. The lead up our break up was horrible. We broke up, she rang me 2 days later crying and asking me to take her back. Then I heard nothing, 2 weeks later she said she was drunk and didn't mean any of it and we should still break up. All this happened during a period where I had 5 exams and my birthday. I would never do that to someone I cared about
tim_tom Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 (edited) I like to think she did it because she didn't want me begging and trying to get her back. Or maybe to come out trying to look strong. All I know is it hurt me a lot. From telling someone every single day you love them and they're perfect for you to instantly not caring about you any more. It just does not make sense to me I hear that. Mine was stone cold, then when she went to pack up some things. I went downstairs cause I couldn't bare to watch, after a bit, it gets quiet. I go up to check on her. She's sitting in the floor sobbing. Finally some emotion !! I ask her what's wrong, she starts talking about going to sleep and never waking up. I think she's crying over me, missing me, leaving me.. maybe questioning her decision.. Nope she goes on to tell me that she feels like a bad person, that she did the same thing to her last bf she lived with, and that she's a bad person cause of quickly and definitively she did it. She wanted me to tell her it was ok, and like a doormat I reassured her that it was ok and she wasn't a bad person. And then she left, satisfied Edited September 13, 2014 by tim_tom
tim_tom Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 In my case, I don't know for 100% sure, but I'd have to say that the only thing that really changed about her was the object of her affection. Well, how does that happen! I am 5 weeks out and there's no freaken way
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 (edited) Well, how does that happen! I am 5 weeks out and there's no freaken way That's because you are going to cross the Finish Line last. That's all. It is just a matter of timing. I can't speak to your situation, but looking back, she probably got closer to dumping me a little bit every day for some time, and didn't get around to telling me until the end. To me, it seemed like overnight. I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I don't know how long it was, but it wasn't overnight. And that is very, very normal and common. Edited September 13, 2014 by mightycpa Sorry to hijack your thread OP. I hope the sidebar helps you.
tim_tom Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 (edited) That's because you are going to cross the Finish Line last. That's all. It is just a matter of timing. I can't speak to your situation, but looking back, she probably got closer to dumping me a little bit every day for some time, and didn't get around to telling me until the end. To me, it seemed like overnight. I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I don't know how long it was, but it wasn't overnight. And that is very, very normal and common. I am not sure.. Could be a personality type thing, my ex wife had no problem jumping from one guy to the next. I was kicking around breaking up with my ex girlfriend for 2 months prior to BU, then post BU 5 weeks, 3 months of detachment for me. I still love her, I know for a fact that if I had done the deed, I would still be a mess. Perhaps I just loved her more. That's possible, I've gotten broken up with before and could of dated right away. But it only meant I wasn't really in love with that person. Not like this, at least. I know I won't be ready for months cause I've never had too hard of a time getting over someone before. Edited September 13, 2014 by tim_tom
Author sharp357 Posted September 21, 2014 Author Posted September 21, 2014 So I've been in NC now 25 days and things were going surprisingly well. I got to the point where I didn't think I would hear from her again and I finally started to make some progress. Started talking to another girl and getting along with her, then all of a sudden I get a single text from my ex midday saying 'hope you're ok x'. I just don't understand why she would bother sending that nearly a month after it all happened. I haven't replied and I won't reply because there isn't really anything to say to it. Is it just a breadcrumb? Maybe trying to relieve some guilt? It really shook me as I was convinced I wouldn't hear from her again. It's safe to say it's set me back a step... I'm just trying to stay strong and not reply here
Bella2 Posted September 21, 2014 Posted September 21, 2014 It's a breadcrumb. And don't answer, it will lead to more misery (been there). You said you were doing fine, you have a little setback now, but you will continue being fine!
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