PinkCarnations Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I had my first ever one night stand the other week. He was a little younger than me, in the military, and is about to go on deployment in one month. I thought he was attractive but because of these factors, I only saw him as meat for one night.. So I took the opportunity and invited him to my place the night I met him. A day or two passed since that night, and I texted him, "hope you're doing well :)" etc.. I was kinda hoping to make it a Friends with Benefits situation.. That way, I get sex and I don't increase my number. Win/Win. It's stupid, but whatever.. Anyways, we didn't talk for a little bit, and all of sudden, I get this invite from him about going line dancing at a country bar. It definitely sounded like fun, but I kinda was like, "Ok, who's all going?" I really didn't want it to be a one-on-one thing.. because that would sound more like a date? Anyways, nobody ended up joining us.. probably because they didn't want to line dance, so it was just me and him. We talked a lot, had a few beers, and played pool. At the end of the night, I invited him for wine at my place. He spent the night (of course we had sex) and cuddled with me. In the morning, we talked for a good 2 hours before I kinda hinted that it was time we carry on with our day. When I showed him out, we hugged, and he tried to kiss me but I turned away.. I don't know guys.. What's going on? I'm not sure how I feel about him. Attraction-wise: yes, I'm definitely attracted to him. Personality-wise: he's very smart and mature, so.. i like his personality as well. I'm just kinda confused as to what he's thinking? I slept with him so soon, do you guys think he even sees me as dating-material or what's he trying to do? How he feels about me kinda determines how i'll act towards him. Right now, I'm a little bit distant because I'm trying to keep it cool and not get close to him. But what do y'all think?
Jules Dash Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 the morning, we talked for a good 2 hours before I kinda hinted that it was time we carry on with our day. When I showed him out, we hugged, and he tried to kiss me but I turned away.. Well I would take this as you just want a hookup situation and I would just go with that. You are pretty much setying the tone here.
Diezel Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I've kissed FWB before. I'm kinda surprised that you turned away. You'll have sex with him, but won't kiss him goodbye? I get that it feels "relationship-y", but still... I think you'll get a good gauge on how he feels about you over the next few days depending on how he reacts to the "turn".
MoreCoffee Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Maybe just communicate in a good-natured way that you want only a casual relationship with him right now? 1
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Maybe just communicate in a good-natured way that you want only a casual relationship with him right now? Yeah, like next time you see him: "Hey Rupert, I just wanted to mention.... I just met you, you're going out on deployment soon, and even though I obviously like you, I'm not up for a LDR with somebody I just met. So for now, I'd really like it if we just keep things light and non-exclusive. I would like to keep seeing you, but I don't want things to get out of hand. I thought I owed you an explanation for why I pulled away from that kiss. Call it an act of self-protection for now. Can you live with that?" Problem solved.
Tayken Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 @OP...seriously, the audacity of that last question "what is going on"? I'll tell you what is going on, you met a good looking guy, banged him twice with no intentions of building on it, but didn't tell him that after the first meet. He told you he was going on deployment, but you didn't mention your agenda of just making it a FWB situation. I am not knocking you here, far from it but it just seems jarhead is confused as to what is going on. Rupert...seriously, what a teddy bear 1
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Rupert...seriously, what a teddy bear IDK! Hubert? Theodore? Leopold? Phineas? Matilda is my go-to name for the average female, if that helps. I'm open to suggestions!
OwMyEyeball Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Sounds more like a two night stand. Keep it up and you might be able to furnish your entire condo. I'd say he's a keeper.
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I've had more than one casual RL under my belt, so in my opinion - don't look too much into it. Just cuz a guy doesn't see long-term potential with a woman, doesn't mean he's gonna treat you like a street walker (i.e. money's on the table, do your thing and go)...Actually, IMO, the FWB isn't just about an exchange of sex itself - it also includes meals, going out to do things together - pretty much everything a gf/bf do w/o the commitment. What sucks about this arrangement is usually the women get more hooked and start looking more into the situation than what's actually there. My most recent FWB (which was like about 2 years ago) would bring me flowers, take me out to eat, do odd jobs around my home, sleep over - and he was clear that he didn't want more - to the extent that he even informed me as to when he was seeing other people besides me (cuz I guess he thought I was getting attached). Now, you also mentioned he is military and getting ready for deployment? Well, what we may also have here is a guy simply trying to enjoy a female's company before he goes into battle and risks his life. Believe it or not, sex is something that makes us feel alive and if you knew you were facing a dangerous situation - maybe you might want sex to reaffirm your "life". Also, many military guys look for an "anchor" - which is someone they can keep in touch with while overseas, cuz again, they are facing death and it is nice to have "someone" at home that is writing you and who you can lean on emotionally to keep you strong. So, I wouldn't look too much into this if I were you, but since you turned this poor guy on - before he's heading into dangerous territory - I ask that you not drop him like a hot potato and have enough decency to at least be a pen-pal with him and maybe even send him care packages...I mean, there are people who send care packages to complete strangers and I'm sure he'd appreciate it - even if you two don't work out as a couple (as long as he doesn't think you're doing it cuz you're in love with him or something). 2
mightycpa Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 So, I wouldn't look too much into this if I were you, but since you turned this poor guy on - before he's heading into dangerous territory - I ask that you not drop him like a hot potato and have enough decency to at least be a pen-pal with him and maybe even send him care packages...I mean, there are people who send care packages to complete strangers and I'm sure he'd appreciate it - even if you two don't work out as a couple (as long as he doesn't think you're doing it cuz you're in love with him or something). That suggestion has a great deal of uncommon decency in it. I'm diggin' YOU, Glo25! One other thing, OP. Make sure you give that soldier's rifle a good bit of SPIT AND POLISH before he goes, you know what I'm saying?
Tayken Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I've had more than one casual RL under my belt, so in my opinion - don't look too much into it. Just cuz a guy doesn't see long-term potential with a woman, doesn't mean he's gonna treat you like a street walker (i.e. money's on the table, do your thing and go)...Actually, IMO, the FWB isn't just about an exchange of sex itself - it also includes meals, going out to do things together - pretty much everything a gf/bf do w/o the commitment. What sucks about this arrangement is usually the women get more hooked and start looking more into the situation than what's actually there. My most recent FWB (which was like about 2 years ago) would bring me flowers, take me out to eat, do odd jobs around my home, sleep over - and he was clear that he didn't want more - to the extent that he even informed me as to when he was seeing other people besides me (cuz I guess he thought I was getting attached). Now, you also mentioned he is military and getting ready for deployment? Well, what we may also have here is a guy simply trying to enjoy a female's company before he goes into battle and risks his life. Believe it or not, sex is something that makes us feel alive and if you knew you were facing a dangerous situation - maybe you might want sex to reaffirm your "life". Also, many military guys look for an "anchor" - which is someone they can keep in touch with while overseas, cuz again, they are facing death and it is nice to have "someone" at home that is writing you and who you can lean on emotionally to keep you strong. So, I wouldn't look too much into this if I were you, but since you turned this poor guy on - before he's heading into dangerous territory - I ask that you not drop him like a hot potato and have enough decency to at least be a pen-pal with him and maybe even send him care packages...I mean, there are people who send care packages to complete strangers and I'm sure he'd appreciate it - even if you two don't work out as a couple (as long as he doesn't think you're doing it cuz you're in love with him or something). No need to paint a picture for us....we get the mental image
Recommended Posts