JSSM13 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 (edited) So I met this girl on Tinder 2 weeks ago and we hit it off. We text every day and when she replies it's always 3-4 very long texts. We had our first date this past Monday and and it went great, lasted about 5 hours and ended in a long make-out session. She let me know after the date that it was the best one she has ever been on. She then said she wanted to do something Thursday night and also invited me to go out on Saturday night for her B-day. She also wanted me to come to her triathalon race on Sunday. At this point I told her to sloooww down a little bit, but I agreed to come to all these things since it was for her birthday. Our second date was Thursday and we went to a happy hour for a little bit then back to my place to watch movies. We ended up having sex for several hours, but before we did I kept asking if she was sure she wanted to because I didn't want to rush things. She kept saying yes she wanted to. So yesterday she was really short with me in our texts, which was highly unusual. She said she was having a bad day at work, so I just attributed it to that. Then she sends me a text saying that maybe we're rushing into things and wanted to take a step back basically and needed some space to figure this out. She also uninvited me to go out tonight and to her race tomorrow. I'm soooo confused right now. Should I just give her a few days and reach out to her or let her get a hold of me when she is ready? Has anyone else been in a similar situation, that can give some insight? Or any of the ladies out there, tell me what she is thinking? Edited September 13, 2014 by JSSM13
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Sounds like she's lost interest a little bit, maybe she's freaked out now you slept together. I would say that telling her to slow down when she invited her to stuff could well be the reason she's pulling back, she's doing exactly what you told her to do. I think telling her that probably made her feel self conscious about acting interested and possibly made her think you weren't into her. I agree that it's important to take it slow early on, but a kinder more tactful way would have been simply to accept one or two of the invitations and politely decline the others 'sure I'd love to come and see your triathlon Sunday, but I've already got plans Saturday night, hope you have fun though!' Just because it's her birthday doesn't mean you had to go, I wouldn't really want a guy I'd had one date with meeting all of my friends on my birthday anyway. Give her a few days, maybe a week, see if she gets in touch. If not, then just get in touch in a week's time asking her out on a date for a specific night. Shows her you're still interested but gives her the space that she wants right now and that you told her to give you.
Author JSSM13 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 Sounds like she's lost interest a little bit, maybe she's freaked out now you slept together. I would say that telling her to slow down when she invited her to stuff could well be the reason she's pulling back, she's doing exactly what you told her to do. I think telling her that probably made her feel self conscious about acting interested and possibly made her think you weren't into her. I agree that it's important to take it slow early on, but a kinder more tactful way would have been simply to accept one or two of the invitations and politely decline the others 'sure I'd love to come and see your triathlon Sunday, but I've already got plans Saturday night, hope you have fun though!' Just because it's her birthday doesn't mean you had to go, I wouldn't really want a guy I'd had one date with meeting all of my friends on my birthday anyway. Give her a few days, maybe a week, see if she gets in touch. If not, then just get in touch in a week's time asking her out on a date for a specific night. Shows her you're still interested but gives her the space that she wants right now and that you told her to give you. I guess I didn't think about it like that, thanks for a different perspective. She did say last night she has a really hard time letting her guard down and when she starts to get close to someone she pushes them away. Tomorrow is her birthday, should I send her a quick happy birthday note?
Versacehottie Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 she is doing same thing you did! just put yourself in her shoes. why would it be ok to say to her that things needed to slow down and not expect some reaction--even a delayed one--from her? She is essentially agreeing with you so what is the problem? hmmm, let me guess deep down you didn't really mean it totally when you said it you just were a little freaked out or playing a game or trying to control everything. So she did the same thing and now you are genuinely freaked out--probably like she was a few days ago!!! There are consequences for the things you say that potentially mess things up. Maybe you should have just accepted her for the cool person she was and realize that of course she doesn't believe you're totally committed after 2 weeks!! Sorry to come off harsh but it is a little ironic that she has essentially repeated exactly what you said to her back to you and you don't get it. As a thought perhaps she is just saying that so you will stop worrying that she is trying to "trap" you. In any case, of course, send a birthday wishes!
Author JSSM13 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 she is doing same thing you did! just put yourself in her shoes. why would it be ok to say to her that things needed to slow down and not expect some reaction--even a delayed one--from her? She is essentially agreeing with you so what is the problem? hmmm, let me guess deep down you didn't really mean it totally when you said it you just were a little freaked out or playing a game or trying to control everything. So she did the same thing and now you are genuinely freaked out--probably like she was a few days ago!!! There are consequences for the things you say that potentially mess things up. Maybe you should have just accepted her for the cool person she was and realize that of course she doesn't believe you're totally committed after 2 weeks!! Sorry to come off harsh but it is a little ironic that she has essentially repeated exactly what you said to her back to you and you don't get it. As a thought perhaps she is just saying that so you will stop worrying that she is trying to "trap" you. In any case, of course, send a birthday wishes! You are exactly right. I said it at first because I was a little freaked out she was inviting me to all these things right away. But now that I know her a little better I wish I could take it back because I don't think I would mind moving faster with her. I guess I didn't think it was a big deal until now, but anytime she would bring up doing something together in the future, like doing a halloween costume together, she would always end what she was saying with "I hope I'm not freaking you out talking about serious relationship stuff". Is there anything I can tell her to fix this?
Diezel Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Say it with me everyone: It's Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinder. You take anyone on there with a grain of salt. Next time a woman invites you to 3 things in one week, you say NO to 2 of those. But hey, at least you got 1 night of sex, right? I'd keep her around, but definitely don't text her first or talk to her as much. She's not seeing you as anything serious. She just got overexcited... it was her birthday, cute guy, let's invite him to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYTHING. Back off, don't text her. 1
curlygirl40 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Next time a woman invites you to 3 things in one week, you say NO to 2 of those. This. There is a way to slow things down without even saying 'hey, let's slow things down'. Be busy, say you're busy if you're not busy. Pick one thing you'd like to do with her and then do it. IMO when someone is THAT gung ho that they are inviting you to all of these things after 1 date, it's a red flag. They are trying to fill a void, they want a partner RIGHT NOW, etc., etc. So her pulling back is possibly nothing to do with you or how quickly you slept together, etc., it's just possibly the way she is. Jumps in quickly with 2 feet then freaks when it goes too far (I mean the R not the sex). Good luck 1
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I told her to sloooww down a little bit and so she did, so she did. 1
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Say it with me everyone: It's Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinder. You take anyone on there with a grain of salt. Next time a woman invites you to 3 things in one week, you say NO to 2 of those. But hey, at least you got 1 night of sex, right? I'd keep her around, but definitely don't text her first or talk to her as much. She's not seeing you as anything serious. She just got overexcited... it was her birthday, cute guy, let's invite him to EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYTHING. Back off, don't text her. Yeah ^^ I guess I found out through posting here that Tinder is some kind of "hook-up" site? Well, she got what she wanted = booty...Sucks when a woman does a number that a guy normally does after sex, eh? Not to be mean, but were you any good in the sack?
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 and so she did, so she did. Yes, that "is" a possibility...^^
Tayken Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Yeah ^^ I guess I found out through posting here that Tinder is some kind of "hook-up" site? Well, she got what she wanted = booty...Sucks when a woman does a number that a guy normally does after sex, eh? Not to be mean, but were you any good in the sack? My gawd...did you say that with a straight face? But you know men have a name for a woman that does that...just sayin'
Versacehottie Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I would wish her happy birthday and see how/if she responds. If she doesn't respond, then wait til she contacts you. If she is still into you, a text from you deserves a text back. If she is indeed a game player/scared of commitment, then silence beyond the birthday wish text, at a certain point, will have her wondering what's going on with you. I don't think there's much you can/should do beyond that. Enjoy the space, use wisely to figure out if you DO want to proceed. Imagine she is doing the same--not all sorts of other crazy stuff. Worrying about that won't change what will or won't happen. Reflect, wait and keep dating others. Good luck
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