Treated me like a FWB, called me his GF, said he didn't love me. Dumped him.

[Lorelai]

In the most tacky, cowardly way possible, email.

 

We'd been seeing each other coming up on two years now. He'd never said he loved me, not once.

 

And while I know I made the absolute right decision to end things -- I was miserable. When I asked months ago if he saw a future for us, he couldn't give me an answer. I said the reason I asked was that I loved him, and his immediate response was "I don't love you."

 

I should have walked out, right then, but I didn't have enough self-respect for myself. And we'd just screwed. I tried breaking up with him again, and we ended up in bed together again. I think he tried to end things with me, but couldn't get the guts to do so, and we fell back in bed together again then too. At that time, he said "I *am* attracted to you, though." Again, admitting that even after thinking about it, he didn't love me.

 

When we were together, things were great. He treated me like his girlfriend. But he only wanted to be together a maximum of once a month if that, and was fine without speaking for weeks.

 

----

 

I'm feeling regrets. Not over breaking up with him, but the way I did it (primarily email, but maybe by being too honest.)

 

I told him the unvarnished truth, to give closure and a good reason.

 

That since he and I had spoken last, months after being told he did not love me and was simply attracted to me, the man who lived across the street from my mother asked me for my number. I gave it to him, and we had two telephone conversations. That the guy was interested, and it seemed like there could be potential, but it hadn't gone any further than that.

 

That the reason I was breaking up with him, however, was not meeting this man -- that I had no idea if we would even date -- but that he did not love me, and that after so long of feeling unrequited love, my feelings were obviously withering if I could even consider whether a man had potential. That I still loved him, and that if he could actually say he loved me, that it would change things, but if he couldn't, that it was over.

 

----

 

He gave me the "Have a nice life" line, and seemed to seem rather bitter.

 

Maybe he thinks I cheated and minimized it. I think I'm allowed to have male friends, and make new male friends, but talking to a guy who was interested in me, even two telephone conversations, seemed to come too close to crossing the line into emotional cheating. That's why I ended it then, before I had any feelings for this new man whatsoever other than curiosity.

 

I wasn't going to string him along while I figured out if this would work.

 

----

 

I feel guilty, for doing it over email, and for not doing it sooner.

 

Does anyone else sometimes have dumper's guilt -- not that you think you made the wrong decision, but that perhaps you could have done it better?

Edited September 13, 2014 by Lorelai

[Mittens]

I was once in a year long 'relationship' with a guy who refused to call me his girlfriend, let alone that he loved me. He wasn't cruel enough to say that he didn't love me, but being repeatedly told that I wasn't his girlfriend hurt.

 

He also made it clear that we were both free to pursue other romantic opportunities. Of course, when I actually did and met someone who actually wanted me as a full girlfriend, this guy did a complete 180, told me that he did love me and basically wanted me to choose him instead.

 

I took great pleasure in telling him where to go - and as we were in a LDR, I did it by MSN (this was about 5 years ago). I wasn't going to waste money going to see him. He then pestered me for about 3 months, telling me that I'd make a mistake. I just ignored it all.

 

If I was you, I wouldn't feel guilty for being honest. Isn't honesty supposed to be a good thing? And someone who is just using you for sex - which this guy was - doesn't deserve the usual considerations when ending it.

[travelbug1996]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^what they said. He's a loser!!

[Lorelai]

Thanks, guys.

 

Believe me, I don't want him back. I just like to keep good relationship karma, and felt a bit crappy for the way I did it.

 

As for the honesty, well, maybe it'll help him learn something. If he's really that bitter or upset that the kick in the ass I needed to end things was a guy being interested in me, maybe he ought to go listen to "Single Ladies" and take what Beyonce said to heart.

 

Because really, the moment he admitted he didn't love me, and was only attracted to me, we became FWBs. Except we really weren't even friends, in that friends want to know what's going on in their fried's lives in between screwing them. But he probably did consider us exclusive, since he knew I loved him.

 

Meh.

 

More than anything else, I regret not walking away the moment he said that he was only attracted to me. I hope I can demonstrate better self-esteem in the future.

[Mittens]

Because really, the moment he admitted he didn't love me, and was only attracted to me, we became FWBs. Except we really weren't even friends, in that friends want to know what's going on in their friend's lives in between screwing them. .

 

In the quote above, I have said what I've highlighted a million times about the guy I posted about. Outside of the bedroom he took zero interest in what was happening in my life. Hence where a lot of the totally ignored/one word texts came from.

 

For this one reason alone, you don't need to care about how you ended it with him. The fact that you do, shows what a decent person you are, and that you shouldn't have any problems finding a guy who will appreciate and love you.