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My boyfriend wants a break but I feel like he's testing me.


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Posted

My boyfriend and I have been having a quite healthy relationship, He's 29 and I'm 27, British and German, Yet not in long distance, We've met each other's family and they all get alone pretty well.

 

Yesterday we had a argument and both of us were hurt, We still managed to have adult conversations, Then he said he thinks we should have a break (With the foreseen of getting back together), I went very emotional 'cause I don't think it was a big issue, We just need to talk about it and learn from it, But he thinks it's something more fundamental, I told him I don't think a break it gonna magically change anything, The only way is both of us solve this problem together, And I don't wanna put my life on hold for anyone, (That being said, I just don't want him to think he can come and go anytime he wants.)

So if you insist to have a break, I think I will just break it off, But he's so confident that I don't mean to break it off, He thinks I'm just saying. From my point of view, I do not want to break up but if he really wanna go on a break instead of solving problem together, Then I guess that's the only case, as I want to be with someone who's willing to go through thin and thick together, I said this to him as well, But as he doesn't believe I will really leave, He still decided to have a break.

 

 

He doesn't have someone else, He's not going to see if the grasses are greener on the other side, That I can know for sure, He's honest and if those are the case he would tell me directly, I also think if he knows I'm serious about it he wouldn't make this decision.

 

 

Anyway, I've never got back together with any of my exes and I do not want to. I still this relationship is going somewhere it would be a shame if I just end it, But I can not accept having a break and he doesn't believe that I really am going to break it off if he selfishly make this decision for both of us.

 

 

What's the best I can do? I just wanna talk about the issue and solve it together, Is it too much to ask?

 

 

K.

Posted
Is it too much to ask?

 

Apparently so. Take a couple of days, and let cooler heads prevail. When they do, advise him that bailing is no longer in his basket of options. This does not bode well for the future. If you really like this guy, you might have to get him to take some sort of training in how to properly conduct oneself when engaged in human conflict.

Posted

Can you elaborate on what the "issue" was? If he thinks it's fundamental then it's not going to go away with taking a break.

 

I agree with you that taking a break usually means an inevitable break-up, but without understanding the issue between you, it's hard to advise.....

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Posted

Yeah you're right, I should've mentioned what's the problem exactly, The problem is he doesn't understand some of my feelings (Like when he does something and it actually upsets me but he doesn't understand why, I tried hard to explain he just got even more confused)

I just think it's better than not saying anything when I actually think something he does it quite hurtful, So I try to explain, Yet he doesn't understand.

 

 

 

Can you elaborate on what the "issue" was? If he thinks it's fundamental then it's not going to go away with taking a break.

 

I agree with you that taking a break usually means an inevitable break-up, but without understanding the issue between you, it's hard to advise.....

Posted

It's hard to say what his motives are.

 

I rarely ask for breaks or space. But when I want a break or space it means I need a chance to sort out my feelings. I've never asked for space because I did something wrong. I only ask for space when they did something wrong such as cheat, lie or the like.

 

Most people do not give it to me. It always leads to me making rash decisions and a lot of flip flopping.

 

I think what's more concerning here is that he is not understanding of you. He is not understanding that things he does are hurtful to you. Don't you want someone who is understanding and considers your emotions? Someone who will at least try to explain and fix what ever is that hurts you?

 

This could be a big issue and he might see that thus he wants space.

Posted

I'm not sure I blame him. You haven't really explained anything.

 

Like when he does something and it actually upsets me but he doesn't understand why, I tried hard to explain he just got even more confused

 

I'm just as clueless as I was before, except for the part that I now have evidence that you don't actually know how to explain something.

 

Are you upset that he uses the end of the spoon to spread his peanut butter? Or that he leaves his clothes lying on the floor like a snail might leave a trail? Or that he bought a new stereo instead of his first piece of furniture for his house? And why would any of that **** bother you in the first place?

 

So far, that's my guess.

Posted

I personally dont think he's testing you.

OP it sounds like youre the one with the communication issues here.

So, Break up, if you dont want a date.

 

But I think your partner is serious.

 

 

.... And he's not making the decision for both of you, he's making the decision for himself. You can also make a decision for yourself, if you dont like it

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