isisisweeping Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 men, women: Would you or have you ever said that to someone that you actually had any chance at a long relationship with? Is there ever truth behind "You're awesome, but I need to be alone right now" and an idea like maybe you'll try in the future if timing works ... or is it always either an intentional - or just unintentional through lack of self awareness- blowoff? Having a disagreement. Primarily with myself, but a friend is in on the action, too.
Fair Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 It usually always means "I just don't want a relationship with YOU." Don't be surprised if this same person quickly enters into one with someone else. 6
Phoe Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I've never done this to someone, but I've had it done to me a few times, and I agree with the above poster, that it's not uncommon to watch them get into a relationship with someone else shortly after. That's the way it worked out for me. Tells me, " Youre a great girl, but I'm not ready for a relationship" - a few weeks later the facebook status updates to In A Relationship. Haha. Of course, there truly ARE those cases where someone is in no position to be in a relationship, and means it when they say it, but I find it is more common that people use it as an excuse, unfortunately.
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I was just talking to a friend about this today actually: he turned a girl down because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He's been single for 4 months now and knew his head still wasn't at the right place for him to begin dating another woman. Good on him for being honest. 3
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Yes, I believe there are circumstances where it is that they don't want to date "you" and also there are times that they have too much going on with their lives... When you are in a RL, you have to dedicate time and energy to that person. Sometimes life throws stuff at you where you just cannot give that other person what they need. The last guy I was seeing, I was going through some stressful stuff. I could not relax around him. Not to get graphic, but even when it came to sex, I could not just relax - but, I still tried my best to take care of his needs cuz since I was "already" involved with him, I didn't see it was fair to neglect him cuz I was feeling like crap. And not just with guys, when I was under that stress I even cut off my female friends...Again, I just didn't feel like being bothered and had to stay up nights working on stuff instead of being able to go out and just have fun. 1
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I was just talking to a friend about this today actually: he turned a girl down because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He's been single for 4 months now and knew his head still wasn't at the right place for him to begin dating another woman. Good on him for being honest. Half honest Even if we stipulate that he is being honest about that part of it, there's more to it. Let me walk you through the three other halves that spring to mind: 1) even though I think you're awesome. I just don't want to **** up my chances or 2) but I'd probably be willing to give it a shot later or 3) with you. And I probably never will be.
gaius Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 My ex said something like that when I first asked her out but I could tell she was attracted to me. Took me about a month of effort but dinner finally became a date and we had a pretty good year long relationship. 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 If he says something like "I'm not ready right now, but you're amazing, so let's make a date four months from now"---a plan for the future with a specific time---then I would believe him. Absolutely anything else means "I'm not ready for a relationship with you", as others have said above. I have had men tell me they thought they weren't ready for a relationship until they met me. "Not ready" is just a little lie we tell, either to someone else or to ourselves, to explain why we aren't really interested. 1
RonaldS Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I've done it several times. Before meeting my future XW, I was in college, young, free spirited and just wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship. Post-separation (ultimately divorce), I would meet women and go out. Some of them were amazing. But I has been with the same woman for over a decade, so I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I can think of maybe 6 women from this period that, in another universe, I could have had a great relationship with. But in this universe, I didn't want one. I was honest about it and typically told them very early on.
johnson_j Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I was just talking to a friend about this today actually: he turned a girl down because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He's been single for 4 months now and knew his head still wasn't at the right place for him to begin dating another woman. Good on him for being honest. I just told this to a girl this week. And no, I wouldn't be in a relationship right now with anyone. I'd date someone if the right person came around, but not actively looking. 1
Author isisisweeping Posted September 13, 2014 Author Posted September 13, 2014 That is pretty much in lines with what I suspected. Though I've said it and certainly thought I've meant it.
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I wouldn't be in a relationship right now with anyone. I'd date someone if the right person came around, but not actively looking. Isn't this contradictory?
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Isn't this contradictory? Not really, cuz I'm not gonna turn down a good opportunity with the right person if it presents itself, but at the same time I'm not looking for someone right now - which is kinda hard cuz if I'm not open to guys approaching me, then how am I gonna figure out whether or not I'm missing out on a good opportunity? Umm, maybe contradictory situation I guess...
mightycpa Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I wouldn't be in a relationship right now with anyone. vs. I'd date someone if the right person came around I'm going with contradictory. If he was talking to you, Gloria25, he might say: I wouldn't be in a relationship right now with you, but I'd date someone if the right person came around!! but no offense, because I'm not actively looking. 1
Superman2024 Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 A girl I expressed interest in at my church said she wasn't looking for a relationship right now because she was just starting a new college semester and wanted to focus on that. I believe her since I've never actually seen her with someone. It's not always this way though.
No Limit Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Personally, I'd turn down a God right now. I did feel open when summer holidays started, but if I'm really honest, that was just because I had plenty of time. Now I'm days away from my first walk into a new school, a 1-and-a-half-hour-long way to said school and an unpredictable daily schedule. Basically if I had a BF right now, I'd see him only once or twice a week. And I don't think that's enough room to start anything. I'm even indifferent about being asked/teased why I don't have a BF. It just isn't my top priority.
leavesonautumn Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 I was just talking to a friend about this today actually: he turned a girl down because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. He's been single for 4 months now and knew his head still wasn't at the right place for him to begin dating another woman. Good on him for being honest. I did something similar back in July. After going on a few dates and talking for a few weeks, I realized that I was still comparing him to my ex and would eventually hurt him because it was a rebound. I didn't say "you're awesome but I'm not ready". Just said I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. It's not always BS, it depends on the circumstance. 1
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