The person you loved doesn't exist anymore [after a breakup]

[tim_tom]

Anyway, reading these boards a lot I've noticed many times dumpees talking about seeing their ex and them being different somehow, not themselves.

 

I've decided (although not consciously at first) to really latch onto this idea and have realized that the person I fell in love with is gone, forever. What is left is someone I don't know, who is doing things I never would've imagined the person I knew and loved doing. A stranger in essence.

 

How can you pine for a stranger? You can't!

 

You can grieve what was lost, and I am, but I can't pine for someone I no longer know.

 

The reason I think this is helping me so much is because it seems to me that the worst part of dealing with a breakup is the hope/desire to get back together. Not that it hurts the worst, but this hope is what prevents the grieving process from taking place. You are stuck in neutral. The idea that if he/she would just see the light, everything would be wonderful again is debilitating. But that person, that relationship is gone... poof! particularly if there's been more then a week or two of NC.

 

I dunno, accepting this has allowed me to grieve, which has allowed me to heal and I've made great strides. The first few weeks I always had thoughts of reconciliation in the back of my mind. It held me back and paralyzed the process of moving on. Realizing and accepting that the person I want to reconcile with no longer exists has greatly accelerated healing. There is nothing to go back to.

 

Hope this helps others going through the same thing, it's helped me a lot.

Edited September 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mightycpa]

How can you pine for a stranger? You can't!

 

I sure seemed to be able to find a way to do it for a long while!

[NoLeafClover]

I knew my ex too well...I knew she would be a stranger when **** hit the fan by looking at how she treated her previous break ups with her ugly attitude of taking revenge and "one upping " her dumpee(s) ...so I became just of a stranger back to her because that's how she had to be treated as..she didn't like that much especially when I sent her crap back and never talked to her or replied back out of nowhere

 

Pulled that mat right off her feet

[tim_tom]

I sure seemed to be able to find a way to do it for a long while!

 

 

Well, i think you have to accept that they are indeed a stranger at this point.

 

Maybe this won't help anyone, but it's helped me.. More like grieving the finality of a death then holding on to something that doesn't really exist anymore. It's just easier when you accept it's over.