Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 So I had 3 dates with this guy. Last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. He texts every 2 days but he never talks about doing something together. By the way I am the one who organized the 3 dates. So this morning when he text good morning I replied: *name*, what do you want with me? You text every 2 days and never mention seeing me. He replies he's been really busy with his teaching - beginning of school year - and his kids. Then he sends another text saying: I can see you Sunday if you want to. Is this like a mercy invitation?
clia Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I don't know if it's a mercy invitation, but it sure sounds like a guy who isn't that into you. You've had to organize the first three dates, and basically force him into asking you out for a fourth? I think you should stop wasting your time and move on. This is going nowhere. 6
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 At the risk of sounding confrontational , I might text back: "You know, you're not too good at the whole asking women out on a date thing. You lack a certain enthusiasm that I can find irresistible. That wasn't your best effort, was it? Wanna try again?" The response, if any, would be dispositive, one way or the other. 1
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 What were the first three dates like? That might indicate how you should proceed -- or if you want to even bother proceeding...
Author Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 What were the first three dates like? That might indicate how you should proceed -- or if you want to even bother proceeding... He was nice, fun, interesting, a gentleman, dates lasted 3-4 hours, light kissing. His face bright up when he sees me.
Jules Dash Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 He was nice, fun, interesting, a gentleman, dates lasted 3-4 hours, light kissing. His face bright up when he sees me. This can be tricky since this could easily be one of those situations where simple communication can be throwing things into a folly. It seems like the dates are going well but his follow up is bad. This is a situation where I would definitely still be dating others and let this one play out in the background. Don't add pressure. He may be unsure about things at this point and applying pressure definitely will not help. To answer your question, you complained/added pressure and he threw out a date. I couldn't accept a date under that context. 1
HeartDesires Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Is this the same man who works full-time at a busy job and also has custody of his kids?
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Unlike Jules, I would go on One Last Date with him to see how it progresses and talk to him about the communication and whatnot. If you've had three dates that you liked, the fact that he isn't the best about arranging to see you shouldn't be a deal-breaker. It really depends on if you see potential with him. Have the fourth date and turn it to your advantage; make him REALLY want to see you again!
Jules Dash Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Unlike Jules, I would go on One Last Date with him to see how it progresses and talk to him about the communication and whatnot. If you've had three dates that you liked, the fact that he isn't the best about arranging to see you shouldn't be a deal-breaker. It really depends on if you see potential with him. Have the fourth date and turn it to your advantage; make him REALLY want to see you again! Carrie, I didn't say I would never date him again because I would, if I was a woman. I just couldn't accept that one.
deathandtaxes Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 This guy sounds very unassertive. And his text about 'Sunday if you want to' is just passive crap. Gaeta, if you like your guys passive, this guy is perfect for you. I'm leaning towards him being passive mixed with some disinterest. He's not falling over himself trying to set up a date with you. NEXT. 3
Author Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Is this the same man who works full-time at a busy job and also has custody of his kids? Yes, he's a nurse, a teacher, and custody of 4 kids between 3 to 16 yo. At first I asked how he could find the time to date. He said he has time. It would be nice if he at least, once in a while, spoke about doing something. Like he could mention he's really busy but he's looking forward to an opening soon. Or even make plans for Saturday in 2 weeks, I don't care, at least I would feel an interest.
Author Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 This guy sounds very unassertive. And his text about 'Sunday if you want to' is just passive crap. Gaeta, if you like your guys passive, this guy is perfect for you. I'm leaning towards him being passive mixed with some disinterest. He's not falling over himself trying to set up a date with you. NEXT. He told me he is timid. On a scale of 10 he said he's at least a 7-8 timid. I am always wondering if this is it.
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 This guy sounds very unassertive. And his text about 'Sunday if you want to' is just passive crap. Gaeta, if you like your guys passive, this guy is perfect for you. I'm leaning towards him being passive mixed with some disinterest. He's not falling over himself trying to set up a date with you. NEXT. Bulls-eye!
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Even shy men know to ask a lady out if they want her. If he's so busy that he can't see you then there is still no point. But I can see he can make time if pressed. "If you want" sounds crappy. 2
Jules Dash Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Even shy men know to ask a lady out if they want her. If he's so busy that he can't see you then there is still no point. But I can see he can make time if pressed. "If you want" sounds crappy. Now this is the real bulls eye. I see that shy stuff passed around a lot here. Even the most shy folks know how to ask out someone they like even if it is slipping a note in your locker it will get done. 2
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Now this is the real bulls eye. I see that shy stuff passed around a lot here. Even the most shy folks know how to ask out someone they like even if it is slipping a note in your locker it will get done. Yep, BluEyeL put a dart right down the middle of d&t's bullseye shot. Well done, all the way around. You too JD.
FitChick Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You can't be timid and be a nurse AND a teacher, both of which involve dealing with the public. Sounds like he sees you if he has nothing better to do. 1
cif Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Beta male. And sounds although you are way down the list of priorities.
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You can't be timid and be a nurse AND a teacher, both of which involve dealing with the public. Sounds like he sees you if he has nothing better to do. I think some people are timid with adults, but can be assertive with kids. You might have a point about the nurse thing. A school nurse maybe?
MissBee Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 So I had 3 dates with this guy. Last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago. He texts every 2 days but he never talks about doing something together. By the way I am the one who organized the 3 dates. So this morning when he text good morning I replied: *name*, what do you want with me? You text every 2 days and never mention seeing me. He replies he's been really busy with his teaching - beginning of school year - and his kids. Then he sends another text saying: I can see you Sunday if you want to. Is this like a mercy invitation? I'd not accept it. That's a lukewarm, half-hearted invite ONLY because you sort of made him feel guilty. I personally would be done with a man who I had initiated ALL our dates and he texts but never initiates then says "I can see you Sunday if you want to" only after I bring it up. I'm just not feeling that vibe personally. Whether he truly doesn't have time or doesn't care that much doesn't matter to me...for us to date you need to have time for me and also an interest in being proactive. That's just me. But don't get me wrong, btdt with men who were like this, it ALWAYS boiled down to them just not being THAT into me. They liked me alright enough but I certainly wasn't super important to them and they weren't excited enough about me to plan ahead and fit me into their lives. I stuck around though initiating until it eventually came to a head that it was going nowhere, so no, from the first sign of things going that way I let it go.
FitChick Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I am just a doer. I'm a hands-on kind of girl. As you've learned through experience, you can't control everyone.
Author Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 I think some people are timid with adults, but can be assertive with kids. You might have a point about the nurse thing. A school nurse maybe? He teaches at nurse school.
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Bollocks! Beta male. Not.Interested!! That's all. My specialty is what is called beta males. I almost exclusively date "nice guys" and "timid men". They still ask me out. Nothing will stop them if you are friendly and receptive AND they like you. He knows she likes him, she's talking to him and not going anywhere. He is just not interested. Women have to learn that some men are in contact with them sometimes just to pass time, or just to have some feminine energy in their life without having an actual intention of dating them. Sometimes they are not seriously looking for love at that point in their life and they do whatever is the minimum they can to keep talking to you, dating you once in a blue moon, having just an ego stroke, a therapist, or whatever else they need at the moment. That doesn't make them bad people, just people who are not seriously looking for love at that point. We all have issues. If we date to find love, we need to recognize the signs of someone interested, and of someone not that interested and not waste time and energy in dead end situations. 2
Author Gaeta Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Bollocks! Beta male. Not.Interested!! That's all. My specialty is what is called beta males. I almost exclusively date "nice guys" and "timid men". They still ask me out. Nothing will stop them if you are friendly and receptive AND they like you. He knows she likes him, she's talking to him and not going anywhere. He is just not interested. Women have to learn that some men are in contact with them sometimes just to pass time, or just to have some feminine energy in their life without having an actual intention of dating them. Sometimes they are not seriously looking for love at that point in their life and they do whatever is the minimum they can to keep talking to you, dating you once in a blue moon, having just an ego stroke, a therapist, or whatever else they need at the moment. That doesn't make them bad people, just people who are not seriously looking for love at that point. We all have issues. If we date to find love, we need to recognize the signs of someone interested, and of someone not that interested and not waste time and energy in dead end situations. Excellent post. Thank you 1
MissBee Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Bollocks! Beta male. Not.Interested!! That's all. My specialty is what is called beta males. I almost exclusively date "nice guys" and "timid men". They still ask me out. Nothing will stop them if you are friendly and receptive AND they like you. He knows she likes him, she's talking to him and not going anywhere. He is just not interested. Women have to learn that some men are in contact with them sometimes just to pass time, or just to have some feminine energy in their life without having an actual intention of dating them. Sometimes they are not seriously looking for love at that point in their life and they do whatever is the minimum they can to keep talking to you, dating you once in a blue moon, having just an ego stroke, a therapist, or whatever else they need at the moment. That doesn't make them bad people, just people who are not seriously looking for love at that point. We all have issues. If we date to find love, we need to recognize the signs of someone interested, and of someone not that interested and not waste time and energy in dead end situations. Very good post! This is very true.
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