studentoflove Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Hi Everyone, Thank you for taking your time to read and respond. A year has just passed since my break up and I would really appreciate the feedback from people. It's been a huge struggle for me since the break up since someone in my immediate family passed away and I work 3 jobs to take care of a family member in special need. I feel its still fresh. Even though I've done a lot of things for myself since (travelled for 1 month with family, lost 10% of body fat, made tons of friends) I still cling on the false hope that one day she will come back to me or give me the courtesy for some "closure". We only dated for 8 months but it was very exciting. We went trips, parties, vacation and met all of our family members. Things started getting busy for my company and for her career started to take off. I had started working 7 days a week and she began to not trust me. She broke up with me on the idea that we will come back to the relationship in a year. I said that's fine and at first I was cool about it. I had gotten over my exes in the past and I was always cool about it but things started becoming difficult for me in life. A family member had passed away while I was trying to handle the break up and working 7 days a week. I reached out to my ex in desperation for support while she kept her stance of asking for space. If that wasn't bad enough, I only realize now that I've been suffering from major depression since we separated. For about 10 months straight, I reached out for her after 2-3 months of no contact basically in tears simply asking for her time and support. My family member who has special care had been sent in the hospital numerous times and I always ran back to my ex for a sense of security. She became more and more hostile because I didnt respected her space. I don't reach out to her intentionally, it's become very impulsive when I am in tears I just feel the need for someone comforting to listen to me. I acted extremely desperate and needy after the break up and I still believe it was necessary to get by in life. The first idea of reconciliation after a year has been completely destroyed because I never respected her space to begin with. I really only want to take care of my family and myself at this point and I realize that working 7 days a week (more money) won't help. It's going to take months until I finish my contract at work but I'm still trying my best to hold things together and not make a fool of myself. It's been 1 month since I didn't contact her. What's great is that her birthday was in one of those days and I still maintained no contact. I have lost a lot of meaning in life while going through all this depression. I tried to fill up my time doing what I love (I do mma 3x a week and choir 2x a week) but I feel like I can't move on without the proper closure. I feel like I've tried my best to move on but a big part of me still clings onto the idea that we will get back together. I've tried reading the all no contact guides and moving on stuff but I still get these episodes of depression and a desperate need to get my ex back in my life. I feel like something as simple as her calling me to tell me she understands why I've been acting this way would really help me close the door and give me a boost in moving forward with my life but even that's become a fantasy. I don't want to rely on the idea that she will come back for anything but I can't help myself from hoping for that. I don't know what feedback I'm hoping for but maybe something in the lines of what to expect from no contact and some tricks that helped people move on during hard times would be helpful.
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 If she would say that she understands I'm sure you would feel better. Problem is she will never say that & she doesn't understand. You have to understand why you did what you did & figure out of those were mistakes, if you can not repeat them or they were choices & you need somebody who respects those choices.
Mary Oak Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 My ex told me many times that she understood by behaviors and said that I needed to be easy on myself and not beat myself up. Still didn't change the fact that she doesn't want to be with me. So, stop pulling for straws, that is not going to make you feel better. Maybe momentarily, but not permanently.
flight E Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 You are hopin for a miracle cure and there is truly none. Just keep no contact one day when you are not keeping tabs on how you feel, u will notice dat its over and you are fine
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