Should I let my boyfriend pay my bills?

[Alice5]

Hello.

 

I'm somewhat confused as to what I should do, maybe you can help.

 

My boyfriend is a proper gentleman in every way. He never lets me pay when we go out to dinner or to the movies. He always opens doors for me and helps me into my jacket.

 

About two weeks ago he started saying that he wants to pay all of my bills (phone/internet bills, car insurance, etc, that kind of stuff). I initially refused, I though it was going too far, but he's been very persistent about it since then. He argues that he wants to take care of me and that it's a gentleman's privilege to take care of his lady.

 

I'm confused as to what I should do. Do you think I should really let him pay for my bills?

[Raena]

I'd say no... just because I like my independence and I don't like feeling like I owe anyone anything just because they paid for me.

[Toodaloo]

Are you living together? Have you made a commitment to each other in terms of marriage?

 

If not - no.

 

If you are then ok - some guys like to provide and be the provider. Makes them feel masculine and as though they are looking after you properly. Sounds as though he is this type.

 

Easy way to get round it if you are uncomfortable after living together marriage etc is to have joint account so it all becomes "ours" rather than his and hers...

 

Just make sure you have your own savings account...

[veggirl]

no and I'm sorry but his reasoning sounds creepy. Is he generally controlling?

 

"its a gentleman's privilege to take care of his lady" who the eff talks like that??

[Ninjainpajamas]

This sounds like a way of controlling you and dominating you (claiming you as his)...a bad idea for you, and a very weird sounding guy who has the wrong idea about love.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

The situation's really not all that confusing, in fact it's fairly simple. Either you want to be a kept woman or not.

 

A guy like that? I wouldn't trust him. Most people don't offer to do things like this out of the sheer goodness of their hearts. They do so because they want to keep you under their thumb. If you let him do this pretty soon you will grow to be financially dependent on him.

 

You'll have let him pay all your bills and get used to having extra money in the bank to do things your previous bill-paying hadn't afforded you the means to do. And what happens when/if he leaves? Because you're kidding if you think you'll simply save up the money and jump right back into paying your own way. You won't.

 

I always say, never let anyone get you accustomed to a lifestyle you can't afford on your own.