xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Met her on line then set up to meet at a bar after her work day. I thought she looked great just like the pictures online. Her attitude was good and I approved of her. Pros: We had some good exchanges of conversation. She was playful at times. She laughed. We made a lot of eye contact. Cons: I was late. Because I was late she bought her own drinks. I didn't offer to pay for them. I had to initiate a lot of the talking and it made me think she wasn't interested at times. There were some periods of silence. Also it didn't seem like she approved of my current occupation. At the end we hugged. I told her I hoped to see her again which I wish I hadn't now because I think I made it awkward. The response I got was "okay have a good night" and it just didn't seem to fit. Overall I think I'd give my performance on the date a C- What do you think? Are my concerns valid? Should I be concerned about any other things or am I looking at things that don't matter much?
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Overall I think I'd give my performance on the date a C- Well, how would you grade her performance? Do you like her, or was she just okay? The evasive goodbye is not a good sign though. Ask her out again and if she flakes, you'll know your answer. But don't get too hung up on this. Get another lady to date for the weekend or next week.
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Taking looks out of the equation I'd say somewhere in between like her and okay as far as her performance goes. I hoped she'd been a little more receptive to my interests and more willing to initiate conversation. She was a little argumentative on one subject which I thought was uncalled for and I don't think she should have been so critical about my occupation. Other than that she was great. I give her a B-
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 You approved of her?? yes. Is there something wrong with that?
Lani Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 yes. Is there something wrong with that? It's just a very strange way to speak of a woman you're dating. It kind of itemises her..
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 It's just a very strange way to speak of a woman you're dating. It kind of itemises her.. Yeah I guess I can see that. Basically I think she would be worth my time.
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I don't think she should have been so critical about my occupation. No, she shouldn't have. Bad sign. Unless you do something really tacky. Like killing puppies. Or being a politician. 1
Lani Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Yeah I guess I can see that. Basically I think she would be worth my time. Sadly I don't think you're worth hers. 1
angel.eyes Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I would rethink your approach and attitude. Dating isn't a business transaction or a classroom examination. Do you have friends?
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Sadly I don't think you're worth hers. Hey sorry, I was the one who asked him to evaluate her, solely because he graded himself. I just wanted to turn the tables, make him less worried about himself, to think more about whether she is interesting enough. Obviously it's insane and itemising and alienating if you rate people like they were cars or something. But there are different degrees of attraction & chemistry. 1
Lani Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Hey sorry, I was the one who asked him to evaluate her, solely because he graded himself. I just wanted to turn the tables, make him less worried about himself, to think more about whether she is interesting enough. Obviously it's insane and itemising and alienating if you rate people like they were cars or something. But there are different degrees of attraction & chemistry. Do you mean in your first post in this thread? Or previously?
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Do you mean in your first post in this thread? Or previously? Yeah, my first post. Thing is, he just wanted to be concise, but while doing so he lost all the subtlety. But whatever anyway. It didn't sound like a good first date. Maybe he should move on.
Lani Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Yeah, my first post. Thing is, he just wanted to be concise, but while doing so he lost all the subtlety. But whatever anyway. It didn't sound like a good first date. Maybe he should move on. Yeah, it was the OP I had an issue with. Stating that a woman is approved of is just gross. And rating the date on an A-F scale... more gross. But yes, as you say, it doesn't sound good anyway so I'll untwist my knickers and move on
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 The fact that you were late started this off on the wrong foot Please tell us you called or texted her that you would be late. I'd try for a 2nd date if you liked her but promise to be & actually be on time. She may have been wondering if you were going to flake on her & stand her up. Even though you didn't it probably had her on edge. 3
PegNosePete Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I told her I hoped to see her again which I wish I hadn't now because I think I made it awkward. The response I got was "okay have a good night" and it just didn't seem to fit. You didn't do anything wrong, she just already had decided she didn't want another date. At least she didn't string you on. Move on - NEXT! 1
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Sadly I don't think you're worth hers. Because of the way I was on the date or my assessment of it? I'm just trying to learn here.
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 I would rethink your approach and attitude. Dating isn't a business transaction or a classroom examination. Do you have friends? Sure I have friends I'm a likable guy. I help others out, am honest, work hard. Why do you ask? I don't think of dates as business transactions but some dates are better than others. Even if I had done everything right the outcome may have still been the same but I feel like I would have given myself the best possible chance. I'm a methodical person and because I don't feel the date went well is why I broke it down like that. Are you saying I should change my attitude about how I assess my dates or that maybe I shouldn't assess them at all? Or are you referring to the date itself? What exactly should I rethink?
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 The fact that you were late started this off on the wrong foot Please tell us you called or texted her that you would be late. Yes I did text her. To be honest she was late too I was just more late than her.
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 The fact that you were late started this off on the wrong foot Please tell us you called or texted her that you would be late. I'd try for a 2nd date if you liked her but promise to be & actually be on time. She may have been wondering if you were going to flake on her & stand her up. Even though you didn't it probably had her on edge. Yeah, you're lucky she hung in there. Two drinks was probably the limit. I suppose it helps she was late too. However it went, it doesn't sound like you hit it off. She might be good for a few dates, but if you don't feel a spark on #2, it won't last long.
angel.eyes Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Sure I have friends I'm a likable guy. I help others out, am honest, work hard. Why do you ask? It was your "clinical" approach to human interactions--listing pros and cons, grading her, "approving" her. It sounded like a USDA inspector sifting through various slabs of beef, not a date. From my perspective, the point of a first date is to determine whether you have a connection. Lose the checklists. Lose the prepared questions you may have had. Lose the interview approach. Go enjoy getting to know someone new. That's how friendships are formed. Dating is no different. If you insist on a clinical, methodical approach, you'll struggle to have a spark or connection...it won't happen. No connection/spark-->no second dates-->no relationships. Now I'm pretty analytical after the fact. After we stop dating, I'll examine whether I should have stopped dating the person sooner, have declined a date at the outset, picked up on signs I might have missed, done some things differently, used a different source for dates, etc. But during the dating process itself, I let my intuition guide me.
PogoStick Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Sure I have friends I'm a likable guy. I help others out, am honest, work hard. Why do you ask? I don't think of dates as business transactions but some dates are better than others. Even if I had done everything right the outcome may have still been the same but I feel like I would have given myself the best possible chance. I'm a methodical person and because I don't feel the date went well is why I broke it down like that. Are you saying I should change my attitude about how I assess my dates or that maybe I shouldn't assess them at all? Or are you referring to the date itself? What exactly should I rethink? Do consider the constructive criticism but don't give too much thought from the negative responses. They're being lame. There's nothing wrong with evaluating the girl or the actual date. Silences are not always bad, depends if it was the awkward type; but it could be you both failed to find common connections. That could be partly her fault too. Some girls just aren't interesting, or are equally bad at conversation. If you're new to dating then consider this practice. When you get better at it you will find it easier to keep a conversation going. 1
Diezel Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 What is your occupation? And why is no one asking that!?
cif Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 If she had to order 2 drinks waiting you shouldve paid for them. I usually do even for friends, business, etc. Btw i see nothing wrong with evaluating a date. But im also very analytical. If you like her no harm in trying again.
Author xilver Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 It was your "clinical" approach to human interactions--listing pros and cons, grading her, "approving" her. It sounded like a USDA inspector sifting through various slabs of beef, not a date. From my perspective, the point of a first date is to determine whether you have a connection. Lose the checklists. Lose the prepared questions you may have had. Lose the interview approach. Go enjoy getting to know someone new. That's how friendships are formed. Dating is no different. If you insist on a clinical, methodical approach, you'll struggle to have a spark or connection...it won't happen. No connection/spark-->no second dates-->no relationships. Now I'm pretty analytical after the fact. After we stop dating, I'll examine whether I should have stopped dating the person sooner, have declined a date at the outset, picked up on signs I might have missed, done some things differently, used a different source for dates, etc. But during the dating process itself, I let my intuition guide me. I think you're reading into my assessment too much and assuming that my date went like that. I went into the date with no prepared questions and was just trying to get to know her. It was one date so technically I very well could be done dating her. I think it is a perfect time to take a good hard look at how the date went before I invest too much time into it. That's it.
Recommended Posts