I've made a huge mistake

[BluEyeL]

It is really hard for me to believe that people are too busy to respond to a text message, even if it's just a few words. I mean, we live in a world where people are literally glued to their phones, take time to share songs and post Instagram photos of their food and what not, but they're oh so busy they can't respond to a simple text message?

 

Even if they don't respond for their own reasons, you have to give people space in the beginning, that's the best course of action.

 

The guy I'm dating now had a mishap when he texted me first time. He clicked on my email address and apparently that is linked to my son's phone number. So he texted me pictures from his trip and "I" (my son) didn't reply for 24 h. Then he texted "me" (my son's phone) another picture 24h later and my son replied "very nice. much wow". When I found about 5 h later, by pure chance, first I rolled on the floor laughing at the awkwardness. Then I texted him from my phone apologizing for the misunderstanding and explaining that that's not my phone number (I had emailed it to him a while back but he didn't save it apparently). That was on a Friday at 5pm. he didn't reply to my apology text until the following Monday at 3pm. If I freaked out, I think I would have ruined things. He was probably upset and suspicious of what happened, but it was just a misunderstanding. Because neither overeacted, we are going strong now and "much wow" is an inside joke.

 

My point is, don't jump to conclusions, don't freak out, don't panic and stay calm, let things develop, give people space. The beginnings are very fragile, trust is not established and misunderstandings can happen.

 

These being said, if she said no, probably she wasn't into you at all, in this particular case. So I really don't think that it was JUST that text, although that might have thrown her over the fence towards "no".

[RonaldS]

As an earlier poster stated, if she liked you, she wouldn't have bailed after one slip up. You were probably already on your way out....you just expedited it.

 

In the future, be patient. Don't jump the gun. If you send a message and it's not returned, just wait until it's returned. If that's 3 hours, it's 3 hours. If it's 3 days, it's 3 days. You really only help make yourself look mature and calm by letting things play out. In fact, it actually helps you insert that all important uncertainty in her mind.

 

So many guys just throw themselves at women and leave no intrigue or mystery. The woman knows she has him, and you set up a situation where you're playing poker against somebody who can see all of your cards but you can see theirs. DONT SHOW YOUR HAND!

 

If you aren't clingy, predictable, constantly available, etc, then you keep the woman guessing.

[Jules Dash]

That made me laugh out loud! And I'm a fan of d0nnivain

 

 

This comes to mind too

 

 

[Jules Dash]

Send her a message saying

 

'hey, sorry about the message I sent you the other night, I had had a drink and because you seem like such a cool person I got worried in case you weren't into me and sent a ridiculous message. I am not usually like this with girls, nor will I send anything of the sort again. Anyway, if you want to go out sometime, let me know and I'd love to make it up to you. If not, I completely understand and am sure we'll both find people who are right for us. All the best'

 

 

I like the idea of saying "please, please, please don't go." Lol.

[BlueIris]

Big mistake, for sure. You could try, but I wouldn't press. Nor would I blame alcohol (unpredictable or unaccountable when drinking? nah) or technology (can't be trusted with a phone? nah). Any guy who makes justifications or excuses really rubs me the wrong way. "I screwed up, but would like to see you again," would be all the further I'd go.

In the meantime, take a look at your behavior when you drink. Impulsiveness, paranoia, mean spiritedness, or anything else negative when you drink is only going to bite you in the butt again one day. In vino veritas and all that.

[deathandtaxes]

Confidence, OP. You need more of it. It doesn't come from when somebody texts you back. it comes from knowing that you don't give a **** or not if that person texts you back.

[slizl]

She is just using that as an excuse to not date you. My suspicion is that she was not that into you in the first place.

[a_v_i_k]

Update: I've sent her an apology text telling her the truth, which is that I've made a mistake, drank and sent her this stupid text and messed up. I also wrote that I've tried to find a way to fix this, but I don't think there is one. I told her that she was great and I'm sorry.

 

Her response to my text was that it is ok and that she is not a very tolerant person and said goodbye to me, (which was hard to read) and I responded with a goodbye as well.

 

Here is my personal opinion about the whole situation: Although she did initiate our first kiss at the end of the third date, she probably wasn't that interested. I know my behavior pushed her away and if a woman did this to me, it would push me away too. However, if she was truly interested in me, she would not let one simple - although very stupid - mistake ruin something that could have developed to be very special. I guess it was just not meant to be.

 

Anyway, there is nothing left to say or do, and I'll have to move on.

 

Thanks everyone for your help! I really appreciate it and it helped me a lot.

Edited September 12, 2014 by a_v_i_k

[lollipopspot]

Update: I've sent her an apology text telling her the truth, which is that I've made a mistake, drank and sent her this stupid text and ****ed up. I also wrote that I've tried to find a way to fix this, but I don't think there is one. I told her that she was great and I'm sorry.

 

I think the honesty and sincere apology was great, and having done that you will be able to move on better. Now learn your lesson - not everyone is attached to their phone or returns texts right away - and that doesn't necessarily reflect on you - and don't drink and text, especially with a fragile new relationship!

[isisisweeping]

Well, sending a quick apology will probably not work but you'll be in no worse a position (single) and you're doing what is right - apologizing for a mistake YOU made. People should be willing to take responsibility for their mistake.

 

I would send something like,

 

"Oh wow; That was so inappropriate. I drank more than I should have - and unfortunately could not take it back once I sobered up! I just want to say sorry for that."

 

Don't ask for another chance. If she accepts your apology she'll talk to you. If she doesn't, the asking for another chance will seem like wheedling and as if you only regret the consequence and are prone to act that way again.

[Phoe]

Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional.

 

 

Not every person is attached to their phone.

 

If I'm working, doing something with friends/family, or just otherwise occupied with something else, I likely will NOT have my phone on me.

 

In fact, my phone isn't even in the room with me right now. It's in my purse, out on the couch.

[Phoe]

I mean, we live in a world where people are literally glued to their phones

 

except for the part where a really large amount of us actually aren't glued to our phones at all.

[CrystalCastles]

Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional.

 

But why? I'll tell you why. She wants to test you to see how you react in different situations (aka how desperate or insecure you are). With women, the more you care the more you lose.

 

Women love playing head games with men to try to figure them out so they can know if they are dating a "real man" or some emotionally frail momma's boy. Unfortunately, all these manipulative tests do is weed out men who are REALLY into them so they can chase men who don't care about them. But maybe that's what they want.

 

Don't worry about it. You'll meet someone else. I always do.

 

Oh how well you know us women...

[mightycpa]

It is hard to argue with the strategy of weeding out emotionally frail mamas' boys, even if they are totally into you.

 

If you're going to go out with someone who is not up to your standards, it might as well be the fun one.

[Mister Zen]

That's not always true. I responded late once because my phone needed to be charged and it was in another room. Some other times I was having friends over and I don't text when I have guests. Another time someone texted me at lunch and I was out with my coworkers, and left the phone in the office. etc.

 

Jumping to conclusions saying that she/he ignores you on purpose can sabotage your relationships.

 

99% of the time it is intentional. Most women are either on their phones or looking at their phones all the time. I repeat: ALL THE TIME. If more than 12-24 hours passes without a response, it is either intentional or its because she doesn't think you're important enough to remember.

 

If you got a text from Channing Tatum or Leonardo DiCaprio I bet you wouldn't wait hours to respond. Its about priorities. In your case, your guests are top priority.. not the man you are dating. Its whatever.

 

I'm not saying I care if a woman ignores me. I'm just not going to pretend its because she is so "busy". That "busy" excuse is BS most of the time. What "busy" means is "You're not as important as the other crap in my life".

[Mister Zen]

 

Not every person is attached to their phone.

 

If I'm working, doing something with friends/family, or just otherwise occupied with something else, I likely will NOT have my phone on me.

 

In fact, my phone isn't even in the room with me right now. It's in my purse, out on the couch.

 

Yeah, but I'm speaking in general. Most women are attached to their phones. At least the younger ones 18-40.

 

Again.. I really don't care either way why a woman isn't being responsive. I'm pretty "busy" myself most of the time. But I want the OP to know whats what.

[Phoe]

Yeah, but I'm speaking in general. Most women are attached to their phones. At least the younger ones 18-40.

 

Again, sticking by what I said, there are a lot of people (that includes women and that includes people of any age!) who are not attached to their phones.

 

I am a 25 year old woman. Not attached to my phone.

 

None of my family members are attached to their phones. My 2 best friends are not attached to their phones. Heck, one of them has a flip phone. My best friend from college never even knew where her phone was half the time. She didn't care.

 

If the OP "needs to know what's what", then it's that there are a lot of people who function in the modern world without being attached to electronic devices and who generally deviate from the stereotypical "norm" of what is "expected behavior" for a certain subset of people (such as your assessment of young women).

[BluEyeL]

99% of the time it is intentional. Most women are either on their phones or looking at their phones all the time. I repeat: ALL THE TIME. If more than 12-24 hours passes without a response, it is either intentional or its because she doesn't think you're important enough to remember.

 

If you got a text from Channing Tatum or Leonardo DiCaprio I bet you wouldn't wait hours to respond. Its about priorities. In your case, your guests are top priority.. not the man you are dating. Its whatever.

 

I'm not saying I care if a woman ignores me. I'm just not going to pretend its because she is so "busy". That "busy" excuse is BS most of the time. What "busy" means is "You're not as important as the other crap in my life".

 

Well, I'm 42, not 22, and when I'm out or with friends etc. I keep the phone away. I will not respond very late, as in 24 h later, I'll respond as soon as I see the text, but no, not everyone is glued to their phones. People are different.

[CrystalCastles]

Again, sticking by what I said, there are a lot of people (that includes women and that includes people of any age!) who are not attached to their phones.

 

Yep, I second this.

 

I'm 22 and my phone is one of those ugly black things from early 2000s. I only ever use it for texting my friends when we have plans and that's it. 90% of the time I don't use it.

 

If a woman "ignores" you, chances are, she is probably away from her phone, being busy with life. Hardly a crime.

[johnson_j]

You should give this one some time. A girl did this to me last fall - similar situation. I immediately lost interest and told her. Fast forward a few months, one day on a whim I replied to her and we started a great friendship. Nothing romantic, but that wasn't going to happen anyways.

[Mister Zen]

Again, sticking by what I said, there are a lot of people (that includes women and that includes people of any age!) who are not attached to their phones.

 

I am a 25 year old woman. Not attached to my phone.

 

None of my family members are attached to their phones. My 2 best friends are not attached to their phones. Heck, one of them has a flip phone. My best friend from college never even knew where her phone was half the time. She didn't care.

 

If the OP "needs to know what's what", then it's that there are a lot of people who function in the modern world without being attached to electronic devices and who generally deviate from the stereotypical "norm" of what is "expected behavior" for a certain subset of people (such as your assessment of young women).

 

Whatever. Its rare ANYONE goes 12-24 hours without checking their phone to see who has called them. What if there is an emergency? What if someone needs your help? Lets get serious. Few people do that outside of hermits and very anti-social people.

 

99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional. More that 24 hours without a response? You are being ignored in almost every case. Intentionally too. I don't care what you say.

 

The problem with men being aware of this is it puts more pressure on women to actually have manners.

Edited September 13, 2014 by Mister Zen

[lollipopspot]

99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional...

 

The problem with men being aware of this is it puts more pressure on women to actually have manners.

 

If I "ignore" someone, it's often because I want to think of a good response - some of us really care about the quality of our communication. Or I have a headache and I can't really deal with the phone then. Or I am visiting with someone and it's extremely rude to ignore the person you are with in favor of your phone unless it's an emergency.

 

You jump to a lot of conclusions, and I'll bet that that hurts your social life, or will, if you have one!

[blueskyday]

You handled that quite well. She most likely wasn't very interested. I understand her not responding to your text. We all get busy and don't check our phones while out with friends.

 

I also understand that you needed some feedback and validation that all was well. New relationships make us feel a bit insecure. To a woman who was interested in you, your text wouldn't be a deal breaker.

 

If it had been me and I liked you, I would have reassured you. At the same time, I would have let you know that I don't look at my phone much while I'm out and would have responded in the morning.

 

Once in an established relationship, I would let my guy know I was okay by the end of that night. Because we would be saying good night every night.

 

So it's a question of a woman's interest and where you are in the relationship.

 

Next time in a new relationship just let it go until the next day. It's also okay for you to be evaluating whether woman is giving you enough communication.

 

Just don't be like the guy who texted me at night while I was out with my friends and then also texted me furious messages at midnight and three in the morning. We had only been on two dates and his behavior was ridiculous. I texted him that I was asleep and to leave me alone. He texted back that I must be drunk. End of that! His behavior was way over the line!

Edited September 13, 2014 by blueskyday

[Joaquin]

No girl with a brain is gonna stick about for a hot head that carries on like that. Maybe she liked you, maybe she didn't. Who knows. You blew it by acting impulsively when pissed.

 

Anyway, 3 dates in and your emotionally invested to the point that your losing control and sending ****ty texts to her. She's well rid and probably telling her mates she dodged a bullet.

[true-love]

you can call her again and

because women need who care her