a_v_i_k Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Hi all, I've recently met a great woman, we had 3 dates and everything seemed to be going ok. Then I've made a stupid mistake: I texted her in the evening, she didn't respond and a few hours went by. I've decided to wait of course, but then I drank and sent her another text late at night telling her that I was offended and got the hint that she wasn't interested, told her she was sweet and wished her good luck. The next morning, she returned my text saying she was busy with friends and she meant to call me later, but couldn't. Then she basically said that we should no longer see each other. It's been 3 days now and I'm eating my self for this stupid stupid mistake I know you should never do. You should always wait for the other person to respond and you should never drink and text. I want to apologize for my behavior, but I have no idea how I can fix this. Can anyone help?
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You can't fix this. It has only been three dates; she straight up told you it's over. The best thing you can do, is realize your foolish mistake (which you have), and move on. No need to apologize. Just let her go and you go your own way.
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You see this clear. Being needy & clingy & bitchy is a HUGE turnoff. Learn from your mistakes. If you apologize, it would be another needy blunder. She rejected you, so move on. (You can try a random funny text a few weeks from now "Hey <I've seen this hilariously funny thing> and it reminded me of you." See how she responds. But don't get your hopes up. Date other women.)
lollipopspot Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You can try to fix it, but if she has good self esteem it probably won't work, unless your dates were great. You gave her a huge red flag early on. Maybe text something like: I really screwed up. I apologize. I'd love a do-over, but I understand if it's over. 1
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I really screwed up. I apologize. I'd love a do-over, but I understand if it's over. Wow don't send this, it will further reinforce her that you are an insecure wimp. Sorry. You only had 3 dates. She rejected you. Not the end of the world. Move on. 1
lollipopspot Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Wow don't send this, it will further reinforce her that you are an insecure wimp. Sorry. You only had 3 dates. She rejected you. Not the end of the world. Move on. Maybe. I don't know. I'm trying to think of what I might respond to if I had 3 really great dates but was in that lady's position. Part of the issue is that his text was drunk and a bit obsessed, and it's scary to get involved with a guy like that. To me the problem was less his insecurity than a kind of possessiveness. I think the acknowledgment, apology, and giving her the choice might make her more comfortable. 4
Mister Zen Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional. But why? I'll tell you why. She wants to test you to see how you react in different situations (aka how desperate or insecure you are). With women, the more you care the more you lose. Women love playing head games with men to try to figure them out so they can know if they are dating a "real man" or some emotionally frail momma's boy. Unfortunately, all these manipulative tests do is weed out men who are REALLY into them so they can chase men who don't care about them. But maybe that's what they want. Don't worry about it. You'll meet someone else. I always do. 3
lollipopspot Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional. But why? I'll tell you why. She wants to test you to see how you react in different situations (aka how desperate or insecure you are). With women, the more you care the more you lose... Oh gawd, this guy feels bad and wants real advice, not a PUA primer. 10
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Maybe. I don't know. I'm trying to think of what I might respond to if I had 3 really great dates but was in that lady's position. Part of the issue is that his text was drunk and a bit obsessed, and it's scary to get involved with a guy like that. To me the problem was less his insecurity than a kind of possessiveness. I think the acknowledgment, apology, and giving her the choice might make her more comfortable. Yeah I agree it is possessiveness, but surely that is connected to some kind of insecurity? Anyway, I do think the best strategy is to wait a week or two and then send her a witty text without acknowledging the blunder. Like nothing happened. But most likely he blew his chances. So he should find another date for next week.
todreaminblue Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 apologize say you regret texting her that and tell her what lollipopspot said its honest and to the point not whiney or clingy...just honest...if she says no thanks then thats that, you did you best to rectify the situation.....cant do more than that....deb 1
lollipopspot Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 (edited) Yeah I agree it is possessiveness, but surely that is connected to some kind of insecurity? Yeah, it is. But for me personally, I am less concerned about and more understanding of insecurity and a mistake, then I am about possessiveness. Possessiveness in a new date is a warning sign of possible danger in the relationship and event of a breakup. Edited September 12, 2014 by lollipopspot 1
Omei Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional. But why? I'll tell you why. She wants to test you to see how you react in different situations (aka how desperate or insecure you are). With women, the more you care the more you lose. Women love playing head games with men to try to figure them out so they can know if they are dating a "real man" or some emotionally frail momma's boy. Unfortunately, all these manipulative tests do is weed out men who are REALLY into them so they can chase men who don't care about them. But maybe that's what they want. Don't worry about it. You'll meet someone else. I always do. So only 1% of women act like adults I gather from this post
GemmaUK Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I think you'll have to suck this one up and just accept that what is done is done. This kind of thing would make me run a mile.
fred123 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 i disagree. if she really liked you she wouldnt run. iv done this before and it hasnt put the girl off. i do think that she ignored you on purpose and wasnt into you so much and you gave her the final blow to end it. she was looking for it. 3 dates and she should know if she really likes you. if you want to do a social experiment try doing what you did to every girl after 3 dates. i guarantee the ones who like you would reassure you that they were busy and wanted to see you and liked you. they would never call it off 6
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Women play a lot of games. And YES her ignoring your message was 100% intentional. 99% of the time a woman ignores you, it is intentional. I repeat: 99% of the time a woman ignores you it is intentional. But why? I'll tell you why. She wants to test you to see how you react in different situations (aka how desperate or insecure you are). With women, the more you care the more you lose. Women love playing head games with men to try to figure them out so they can know if they are dating a "real man" or some emotionally frail momma's boy. Unfortunately, all these manipulative tests do is weed out men who are REALLY into them so they can chase men who don't care about them. But maybe that's what they want. Don't worry about it. You'll meet someone else. I always do. That's not always true. I responded late once because my phone needed to be charged and it was in another room. Some other times I was having friends over and I don't text when I have guests. Another time someone texted me at lunch and I was out with my coworkers, and left the phone in the office. etc. Jumping to conclusions saying that she/he ignores you on purpose can sabotage your relationships. 3
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You an try apologizing again, but I'd do it in writing via mail. Something along the lines of In this age of instant communication, sometimes I forget that just because we have the ability to be in touch 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do that. I let my insecurities get the better of me & failed to give you the benefit of the doubt. I am sorry. Please give me another chance. Call me & we can set up a date at your convenience. Don't even bother if you don't think you will be able to be patient in the future. If you behave like this a 2nd time, there will be no coming back. I do agree with fred123. Once you apologized, if she really liked you, she wouldn't have run. However, this much drama this fast would have sent me packing too. Even if I did like you, I would have been wondering how much worse / more demanding of my time you were going to get as we progressed.
Atticus9292012 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 If a guy sent me a text like this early on after one unanswered text Id be totally turned off. There is nothing to be done. "On to the next one." 1
doeblin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 In this age of instant communication, sometimes I forget that just because we have the ability to be in touch 24/7 doesn't mean we have the obligation to do that. I let my insecurities get the better of me & failed to give you the benefit of the doubt. I am sorry. Please give me another chance. Call me & we can set up a date at your convenience. Why not write: "Please please please please give me another chance." Just to make sure that the desperation is coming across. 4
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 One please is polite. Multiple is begging. The OP was looking for constructive ways to possibly get this woman to talk to him again. He made a mistake. I don't see the harm in giving it one meaningful shot although I doubt the woman will respond favorably. Begging is bad. Being desperate is bad. Sincerely apologizing once, after a mistake, is mature. If more people took personal responsibility for their own shortcomings the world would be better off. To just give up after every mis-step isn't the answer.
mercuryshadow Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I don't think that if she was really into you that it would have taken such a small misstep to turn her off. Ultimately, when you meet someone where the intensity of interest is mutual, situations such as these won't come up at all. When my H and I first started dating, he made a similar move. I was out with friends one night a bit later than I'd expected to be, and we were supposed to have a phone call. He tried to call me a couple of times before I was able to leave, and sent me a text. It didn't scare me off in the least. It showed me he truly cared about maintaining our connection. Trying to save face at this point is moot. Just move on. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Send her a message saying 'hey, sorry about the message I sent you the other night, I had had a drink and because you seem like such a cool person I got worried in case you weren't into me and sent a ridiculous message. I am not usually like this with girls, nor will I send anything of the sort again. Anyway, if you want to go out sometime, let me know and I'd love to make it up to you. If not, I completely understand and am sure we'll both find people who are right for us. All the best' I wouldn't go out with you again, but something like this is basically the only chance you have of rekindling it. It will 99.5% not work, but at least you won't regret trying. It's fairly casual and sincere but also doesn't make her feel like you're pressuring her to go out again. She might just think that she enjoyed the first few dates and you're worth another shot. 1
CharlieFox Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 It is really hard for me to believe that people are too busy to respond to a text message, even if it's just a few words. I mean, we live in a world where people are literally glued to their phones, take time to share songs and post Instagram photos of their food and what not, but they're oh so busy they can't respond to a simple text message? 1
d0nnivain Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 It is really hard for me to believe that people are too busy to respond to a text message, even if it's just a few words. I mean, we live in a world where people are literally glued to their phones, take time to share songs and post Instagram photos of their food and what not, but they're oh so busy they can't respond to a simple text message? The two busy is an excuse. The woman did not want to respond to the guy at that instant nor was she obligated to.
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Why not write: "Please please please please give me another chance." Just to make sure that the desperation is coming across. That made me laugh out loud! And I'm a fan of d0nnivain
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 It is really hard for me to believe that people are too busy to respond to a text message, even if it's just a few words. I mean, we live in a world where people are literally glued to their phones, take time to share songs and post Instagram photos of their food and what not, but they're oh so busy they can't respond to a simple text message? Believe it. Sometimes, I ignore my phone all day, just so I can be free from the electronic ball and chain. 2
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