Starting a relationship....not sure how it work

[JustGettingBy]

Sorry for the long post, but I want to get as much information as I can out quickly so that we're not constantly changing information due to stuff I bring up mid thread. I have a lot of questions, and am confused about a lot of things, and don't expect any 1 person to answer all my questions, and I'm patient and can wait, so don't feel obligated to answer everything. Anyway full disclosure:

 

I'm a 22 year old male who has never been in a serious relationship. I have aspergers syndrome, so I don't pick up on a lot of non-verbal cues. Even after looking it up, I don't even understand the concept of flirting, as it doesn't seem to get across a message of any form. The signs that are always listed: eye contact, smiling, being friendly, are things I was always told belong in normal conversation. I'm going to assume that flirting does not occur in every conversation, so what am I missing. Speaking of eye contact, it is extremely unnatural and uncomfortable to me, as in when I look someone in the eyes I practically picture them saying 'your soul is mine' and sucking the life out of me, when I see other people making what appears to be eye contact with each other, it almost looks like they're using it to try and establish dominance over one and other. I'm also near famous to my friends son not noticing that a girl likes me, even when its apparently painfully obvious, but I somehow keep missing.

 

I've had friends occasionally set me up on blind dates, but its always ended in both her (my date) and I both awkwardly trying to have conversation with very little to talk about, despite the fact that I've never personally had anything against the girls I was set up with.

 

All these dating 'games' such as waiting X number of days before calling, pretend to be busier than you are, play hard to get, 'testing' your dates, going back and forth between chaser and and being chased seem dishonest and manipulative. I know that may sound harsh, but faking being busy to make them think they need to work harder seems to translate into lying to take advantage of someone's insecurities. Then you're aware your potential partner is doing the same to you. Aren't you supposed to trust your partner? Its its socially acceptable for a relationship to be built on both parties lying to start it, but honesty is important in a relationship? Sounds self-contradictory. How are you supposed to have so much mutual trust when the relationship only got started when both people lied for their own self-gain? What am I missing?

 

Also, when reading about these things, I've heard about dating exclusively, and non-exclusively. Isn't dating supposed to be exclusive? Isn't dating multiple people at once cheating? Or is there a certain amount of time a couple generally date for before they become a 'couple'?

 

A lot of questions, I know. Would appreciate some answers. Thanks in advance

[Jules Dash]

Data from Star Trek comes to mind here. No offense.

You and I both know that no thread on this site can be long enough or detailed enough to even begin paving a way for you understanding the explanations to your questions. The answers are largely subjective and many of those answers circumvent actual logic.

 

You will be best served by a therapist who can tailor these discussions specifically to your condition over multiple sessions. Good luck.

[Assasda]

GO out with a girl

have fun

if you like her, go out some more

thats the long and short of it

[JustGettingBy]

I thank both of you for your advice, but I'm still just as confused. What is flirting and how can I tell a woman is flirting with me? I've got one of you saying its really complex and I should get professional help, and another saying its really simple. I'm guessing its somewhere in between. Also, I've been compared to worse than Data, so no offence taken.

[Emissary]

You must ascend and become the god of your own realm. Things aren't happening because you aren't making them happen. You've got to be confident, find a girl you fancy and then talk to her. Right in the middle of a conversation just point at her, tell her "you will date me", then stare at her, don't try and do anything else, just stare until she bows her head in submission.

 

You see, flirting is actually a complex battle of the sexes. It's about displaying dominance over the situation, the eager male struggling against the female's trials to prove his worth, only when the male displays this dominance will the female submit to his will.

 

Once you figure out what this is really all about, it's just a matter of cutting to the chase and being very dominant, this is best accomplished by staring, very sternly, for as long as it takes. Gorillas are dominant as heck, and they get all sorts of vag everyday. If the female tries to retort, hiss and pinch her on the neck until she goes back to position or bows in submission.