longjohn Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I'm starting to think my GF might be depressed. We had yet another argument, a small one over something stupid. I'll admit I put my foot in my mouth and she got upset. I apologized but she wasn't happy with that. So I gave her some space yet she still isn't happy. I've apologized again and explained why I said what I said she said it was ok then proceeded to ignore me all day? I know she's very stressed right now which explains why she snapped earlier. However this is different. She's been pushing me away all day today and the more I ask what's wrong the more she pushes away. She's snapped at me again a few times so I left her alone. Then all of a sudden she wants to be nice as if nothing is wrong? I don't think I'm ready to deal with this kind of $hit. I can't do hot/cold and I most definitely can't hang around trying to be nice to someone that tells me to more or less f*ck off. Then comes back a few hours later as if everything is good? I'm more direct than that. If I have an issue I like to deal with it head on vs hiding away from it and that's what she's doing.
Assasda Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 People cant take back what they say. When you say something, its out there, forever - and you have to deal with the consequences of that If you know that you were wrong and she's upset, its her prerogative, in my opinion 2
Dork Vader Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I agree with the above. How ever it goes a lot further then that. Your actions and words will have a lasting impression on the person. Sure we all say stupid things. But some things go beyond that and cut fairly deep wounds. We all deal with it differently. If you feel you must talk to her talk to her. But if she has forgiven you move on.
Gloria25 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 People date for different reasons...some for companionship (temporary), some for the long-haul (marriage) When you're dating someone, the more time you spend with them you get to seem them in their good, bad, and ugly. Then, you gotta make up your mind if that's what you want (regardless if it's for the short or long term). She's showing you her a zzzz, now you gotta figure out if that's what you want. Yes, in times of stress people react differently. But in a RL, if the person under stress pushes you away and/or uses you as a punching bag - instead of turning towards you for comfort and consolation, then IMO, they should be launched. And yes, sometimes we need alone time and/or want to try to work through things on our own, but if her hot/cold attitude is consistent - then again, IMO, initiate launch sequence.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Has she ever been diagnosed with depression? Does she show any other signs of depression other than irritability and mood shifts? This will sound obvious, but is she refreshing her cycle? That can have a significant impact on some women's behaviour - much more than even they are willing to admit. I'm curious how you arrived at the notion that she's depressed. I've struggled with depression from the better part of 20 years, to varying degrees and at different points in my life, so it's a bit of a hot button item for me
Fondue Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 You posted the other day that she's a compulsive liar. You're posting here that she's pretty manic. She also doesn't even want to accept your apology. And what? You've been dating for only like 3 or 4 months, right? Something like that? Let me ask you, why the hell are you with this person? Is it really worth all the effort? Do you REALLY think this much drama this early in the relationship worth it? Why are you putting yourself in this position? Stop trying to be a white knight. Stop trying to help her. Stop everything. Get rid of her. You can do better. You described in your last thread that she has a string of failed relationships/engagements. let her deal with that problem herself. Or let the next guy deal with her ****. You shouldn't be putting yourself through this.
Author longjohn Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 What I said wasn't big in the grand scheme of things, it was used as a means to fight with me and push me away. Even after the fact she acknowledged that it wasn't an issue. She has some work related stress recently and instead of talking to me she has withdrawn. When I enquire as to what's wrong (before she talked to me early this morning to tell me about it) she would continue to push me away, even physically pushed me away yesterday. Then like an hour later seemed perfectly fine as if nothing was wrong. I've told her I don't do this, I won't be pushed away while she withdraws and hides from the world. I'm not the type of person that runs away from my issues. I'd rather tackle them head on and fix them. She just seems to want to ignore certain things and hope they go away? This frustrates the $hite out of me as my ex wife did this and well.. she's now an ex wife. I'm thinking depressed because for the last 5 or so years not a whole lot in her life has went well. Two failed relationships, some weight gain, junk food intake went way, way up, lost her job and everything else, she's been all but wiped out. She's not very sociable and isn't interested in being around large groups of people anymore, she has some anxiety around large groups, she used to (from what I know so far) flourish in large groups. There's friction with her parents at times they mean well but they add to the stress. Her mood (since this is a new relationship) has been good until the last two weeks. Now I've noticed she can be happy then really moody then like a light switch back to happy. In between I've noticed some mild withdrawal. Yesterday was the first full blown bout of withdrawal. Now of course she's worried I'll leave here.. she's half right this type of behavior if it goes untreated will result in a third failed relationship.
OwMyEyeball Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Then you need to address this issue you're having head on with her. Tell her directly what you've said here, discuss what you can do to understand and resolve it, then see where that takes you. She may very well have a mood disorder that requires treatment well beyond what you can offer. Her "difficult conversation" insecurity can't be a shield from hearing what needs to be said. 1
Author longjohn Posted September 17, 2014 Author Posted September 17, 2014 Then you need to address this issue you're having head on with her. Tell her directly what you've said here, discuss what you can do to understand and resolve it, then see where that takes you. She may very well have a mood disorder that requires treatment well beyond what you can offer. Her "difficult conversation" insecurity can't be a shield from hearing what needs to be said. Addressing the issues did not go well at all. Now the issues are seen as her "problems that she needs to fix" or that she's somehow "broken" and shouldn't be with me or she's "too screwed up" to be with me. Now she's threatening to exit the relationship and to be fair at this point I'm going to let her. But not before I remind her that running away from the issues will just allow them to linger.
Crila16 Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Huh? Where did you get that she was depressed, because you two had one bad day? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she was hot and cold, because you said something to upset her...She maybe overreacted...and then after having sometime alone, thought about it and realized that she overreacted...then felt bad and realized she was not being fair to you...so she became nice, trying to make up for her bad behavior. If you're going to date a woman...most of us are like that. It's like the old saying...women are like waves. We can be emotional, we can be sensitive, we can be moody, we can be hormonal...it's just how we're wired. You're never ever going to have perfect with anyone, unless you want to just date yourself. There will always be a small bump in the road at some point. You need to learn to communicate with each other is what the real problem is here. Talk to her and ask her what's going on and if she's ok. Stop assuming and then just saying "I can't deal with this". You have to work at any relationship. Ask her why she overreacted and is all of a sudden acting so nice. Communicate.
Crila16 Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Oh...and just to let you know. Men can be just as frustrating to us women, as we women can be to men. We all have our quirks and our perks.
RonaldS Posted September 17, 2014 Posted September 17, 2014 Lose this chick....today. This crap will only get worse. People like her, the only currency they really have in a relationship is your guilt and willingness to satisfy. I married a girl like that. She had depression (never clinically diagnosed, but displayed every single attribute). She also had a lot of the characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder. And she pulled the same stuff your girl appears to be pulling on you. It will only get worse....trust me. If I had it all to do over again, knowing what I know now, I would have left her after the first month. But I was dumb and thought that love could conquer all problems. Stupid. Now I pay the price almost daily, and I'm not even with her anymore. Don't go out like I did.
Author longjohn Posted September 17, 2014 Author Posted September 17, 2014 Huh? Where did you get that she was depressed, because you two had one bad day? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she was hot and cold, because you said something to upset her...She maybe overreacted...and then after having sometime alone, thought about it and realized that she overreacted...then felt bad and realized she was not being fair to you...so she became nice, trying to make up for her bad behavior. If you're going to date a woman...most of us are like that. It's like the old saying...women are like waves. We can be emotional, we can be sensitive, we can be moody, we can be hormonal...it's just how we're wired. You're never ever going to have perfect with anyone, unless you want to just date yourself. There will always be a small bump in the road at some point. You need to learn to communicate with each other is what the real problem is here. Talk to her and ask her what's going on and if she's ok. Stop assuming and then just saying "I can't deal with this". You have to work at any relationship. Ask her why she overreacted and is all of a sudden acting so nice. Communicate. Oh I don't know.. maybe 5 years worth of her life going to $hite was a small clue. I am going to date a woman. Preferably one that hasn't got her head up her arsehole. This one unfortunately appears to have quite a few issues and it's an issue if I bring up the issues but it's fine if I join her in ignoring the issues. Then said issues won't exist and go away all by themselves. She's pushed me away and I get the impression there's days where she just stays inside in bed all day. I understand we all have a bad day now and then but this is quite different.
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