Judging a person for success?

[Leigh 87]

I went straight into the workforce after high school. I finished in the top 8% in the country in my high school results and could have studied law or other "prestigious" degrees but chose to work immediately.

 

Was a personal trainer and was good at it for a period of slightly under five years and then my life was put on hold due to mental illness. So for the past few years I have been recovering and working minimum wage jobs when I am well enough.

 

What, sir, makes you so much above a person like me, who is due to start studying podiatry next year, and who is currently being interviewed for shift supervisor roles for leading high fashion brand stores (not the best jobs but not a bad job to do part time during a full time very demanding degree). Personally, I think studying podiatry next year full time and working part time will be more challenging than already having a full time roll. I am expecting it to be deathly challenging, gruelling to get good grades and also maintain a high professional standard in my part time role, where I would be shift supervisor due to my age (they interview me for supervisory roles since I am nearly 30).

My friends who are professionals said they will be very in awe of me if I manage to pull high distinctions and work during my studies.

 

What makes you more ambitious than a person who is about to START an undergrad degree at age 28?

 

I plan to get distinction averages each year, nail my pracs, and work my ass off. And also work part time during it.

 

I don't own a car because I need to start saving for my future; wasting money on parking and rent would really set me back financially. If I live at my parents, who are only there 50% of the time, I can work during college, earn a degree and than have the means to put down a house deposit IMMEDIATELY upon graduating!

 

If I were to pay rent, I would have to wait years in order to put down a mortgage deposit and be stuck in the dreaded renting cycle.......

 

Family is there to help you in some instances. Sometimes sh*t happens! The way to better oneself is sometimes to accept help while you work your ass off to achieve a goal, that would be much harder to achieve if you did it a certain way (paying high rent here in Aus, owning a car).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOT all "adults" who have had setbacks in life are lazy and not goal orientated

[Leigh 87]

I feel the same way OP. Most men I meet through OLD, I judge as unambitious or lazy. It's not even about money, it's about passion, goals and solid working ethic. I can cut them some slack only if they are actively trying to improve their life.

 

 

 

Not all of us are lazy and ambitious simply because we had setbacks in life and don't have the degree and decently paid job.

 

If **** happens to people I would like to think you would be supportive if they exhibited some degree of intelligence and was actively bettering themselves.

 

I have some academic Phd men who I have dated who didn't talk down to me and who didn't purport to feel "above me" simply because they were to intelligent.

 

Oh - and most people in the workforce who have cars and stuff.. are mediocre at best! As you would surely have determined by now.

 

Most people aren't earth shatteringly ambitious or driven lol.......

 

The homeless man who has Phd in geophysics potential (a highly paid path if your brilliant), could be far more remarkable with his study habits, during his path to better his situation, when compared to the mediocre white collar professionals who have no drive and simply work to live with no burning desire to educate themselves and learn new things!

 

Problem is, many people with a track record like mine tend to never become reliable and lack what it takes to continue on a path towards success.

 

I would give a person ONE chance, Eternal Sunshine, before writing them off as lazy and unmotivated.

 

If they STARTED the path to success, had the raw talent and drive, and actually followed through with their plans without dropping out or screwing it up, then yeah, why not give them a go?

[Leigh 87]

I am going to throw some examples out there.

 

I have personally gone out and met men in public, around the world and in my own country of residence.

 

I go out in public and dated/met friends who are successful professionals who I now count as my good friends.

 

Upon first meeting me, I am very well dressed (I did swimwear and underwear modelling after high school ended for a year and made a fare amount albeit briefly, was a personal trainer, etc) and have hundreds of designer bags and top notch outfits. Plus I am a spoilt only child. I dress to put high end designer shoppers to shame. I love fashion and absolutely do not come off as "lowly", or "unsuccessful" IN PERSON.

 

You cannot tell a woman is unsuccessful in her current standing through merely meeting her and chatting. My mannerisms, persona and dress sense is not different to that of my professional friends and ex lovers...

 

You know, you cannot necessary meet a woman who "lives at home" and " doesn't have a car" and, on my, "doesn't even have as successful, well paid job" and IMMEDIATELY know that she is not successful currently.

 

A guy I dated was an accounts exec for Fairfax media, very good looking and LOL..... I pitched him ideas about his latest meetings, and what would have been a funny/innovative way to handle things the next time around.

 

 

 

 

Really, you are definitely suited to women who match your needs! By all means, it would probably feel too ....... out of your comfort zone to date a woman who couldn't afford to go out, drive a car, or pay rent. Don't, however, write them off as lazy and unmotivated. You don't know whether they had something awful happen to them that set them back. You don't know whether they are/will actively bettering themselves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And be prepared to meet women like me who you wouldn't pick as "living with their parents", "without a car" or "not in a successful career" based on their face value.

 

 

 

 

 

And lastly, well done for achieving your success. I admire men/people who work hard and achieve challenging degrees and go on to work full time in a decently paid job. Hard work is attractive.

 

I absolutely do not blame you for avoiding women like me. Looking down on and thinking you are more intelligent and have more raw talent than them? Big misconception. Some brilliant people are inherently flawed and have mental disorders/aren't capable of study.

 

I love ambitious men.

[SmartDude]

Success is not about money. I don't view people who spend a lot of time and energy acquiring and securing physical resources as successful people. On a certain level they have failed miserably.

 

When I run into "successful and driven" women, I avoid them like the plague. I know that they do not have anything that I want. They are almost guaranteed to have no depth of mind.

 

Cars, houses, wealth of that nature is useless to some people.

[NGC1300]

I'm pretty special

 

No. You're not.

[carhill]

suc·cess·ful

səkˈsesfəl

adjective

accomplishing an aim or purpose.

"a successful attack on the town"

synonyms: victorious, triumphant; More

having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction.

"a successful actor"

synonyms: prosperous, affluent, wealthy, rich

 

One could indeed consider a person to be successful who worked diligently to secure a medical degree and now, though not monetarily quantified as successful, works as a health care worker in Africa fighting the Ebola disaster. There are multitudes of similarly successful people in the world.

 

Our society, in general, tends to value material success as a metric of 'accomplishing an aim or purpose'.

 

My early aim or purpose was to become sufficiently financially independent so I could do what I loved to do for free to help others. I did enough of that along the way to develop a large circle of friends and associates and some of those remain decades later. For some people, such plans for life work out to perfection. For others, myself included, we make plans and then life happens and perfection is thwarted. We simply continue plugging on, pursuing our own personal version of success.

 

The OP outlines metrics they view as success, that being working towards and achieving a goal and demonstrating fiscal responsibility and stability and apparently wish to seek a partner with similar accomplishments and views. This appears remarkably similar to nearly every woman I've encountered in life, at least those who have qualified me for dating and relationships. They all can't be wrong, right?

[NGC1300]

Is there ever really a point where a person can stop "bettering themselves"?

 

I mean, once you have the masters degree, house, and car, can you just sit back and eat ice cream until you die? Without being labeled "unmotivated"?

 

Of course not. No sooner do you accomplish this, or succeed at that, do people start asking what you're doing next. It's a vicious cycle where no matter how you live your life, it's not quite good enough.

 

I would avoid like the plague anyone who questioned my motivation or self improvement based on my current situation. These people give themselves away, and you'll never measure up no matter what you do.

[MidwestUSA]

Problem is, many people with a track record like mine tend to never become reliable and lack what it takes to continue on a path towards success.

 

 

Quoted for truth.

 

So, at what age does one just say 'it ain't gonna happen'?

 

Do you give a person in his late 20's a chance to prove himself? Late 30's? Late 40's?

[No Limit]

Also, IMO, the education here in the U.S. is too expensive

 

Not only the US. Currently my mother spends 400€ per month for my mobility (even if I had my car yet - gotta wait until I have my license - she'd never allow me to drive there, says it's too dangerous and I could have a car accident etc), and had I picked the private school she wanted me to go to, it would have been 600 - 800€.

 

Governments keep saying how they want highly educated people, but so far I've seen nothing but obstacles. You need quite a strong will to drag yourself into school while buddies bring their 900€ home every month in their first year (in training).

[NGC1300]

Education is free. It's degrees that cost exorbitant sums.

 

Yet unless you spend the money on a degree (or go into debt), you're not "educated".

 

This world is a joke I wish the human species would die out.

[fortyninethousand322]

Then, there's barely any jobs (and/or good jobs) cuz of all the offshoring and/or importation of foreign workers (even for white collar, high skilled jobs)...so, where are you gonna work once you get out of college?

 

I liked most of your post, except this part. Because it's patently untrue.

 

Immigration and offshoring doesn't destroy anymore jobs than technology or having children do.

[Mr Scorpio]

I liked most of your post, except this part. Because it's patently untrue. Immigration and offshoring doesn't destroy anymore jobs than technology or having children do.

 

 

I smell a new thread for the politics section! Book it!

[RonaldS]

Explain.

 

Undergrads are four years each;

Law degree is 3 years;

MBA is 2 years

 

Assuming you started university at 18, this isn't possible. I could see you *maybe* doing a double degree program, but I highly doubt anyone could manage doing their law degree and MBA concurrently.

 

Not that it matters much, but a person could double major in two related majors and finish both in 3 years. Undergrad is typically 4 years because a lot of students don't take summer classes. 12 credits in the summer over 3 summers can give a really motivated student 2 bachelors in 3 years (if closely related/same prereqs, etc), and easily in 4 years. Not all law programs take 3 years, and there are plenty of MBA programs that can be done concurrently with law school if a student is highly motivated.

 

Starting at 18 and finishing at 26 is 8 years. A highly motivated student could pull this off. Maybe not at Yale or Harvard, but in less rigorous programs, it's doable if you have the financing.

[DazedandConfused8]

No. You're not.

 

Special: "better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual."

 

The responses here seem to agree the definition fits. Not trying to sound conceited...

[OwMyEyeball]

Special: "better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual."

 

The responses here seem to agree the definition fits. Not trying to sound conceited...

By that definition everyone qualifies as special.

[Million.to.1]

I personally don't define "success" solely with financial accomplishments.

 

Being in a more creative field, I've accepted that owning stuff is going to be more of a struggle than it's worth.

I would need a million dollars to own a 2-3 bedroom house in my city.

 

I have travelled extensively, lived in different cultures, worked in a variety of jobs and have a diverse range of skills. I'm starting a business which i know will have a positive effect on the environment if successful. I work hard and i enjoy what i do. I don't make a tonne of money. I have free time to spend with people i love and help out my ageing parents. My partner is an accomplished musician. He teaches, plays gigs, but will never be rich.

 

I am successful. I am driven. And i'm really happy.

But what I value is very different from you.

[Leigh 87]

Quoted for truth.

 

So, at what age does one just say 'it ain't gonna happen'?

 

Do you give a person in his late 20's a chance to prove himself? Late 30's? Late 40's?

 

 

 

Well, my family and.professional friends don't remotely think I'm good for nothing and that it just ain't going to happen for me at age 28.

 

I already did well in school and was a success at one my jobs so poeple that know me personally liken my failure to launch syndrome on illness and genuine setbacks. I was never sitting around in life not giving a damn. I always KNEW I'd be successful one day.

 

 

It depends on the circumstances.

 

Has a person always under achieved and shown they they just aren't motivated or reliable?

 

Has a person shown that they are simply averse to hard work, quitting things when the going gets tough?

 

Has a person shown good work ethic prior to.... Failing to launch?

 

Has a person had genuine setbacks or are they purely too lazy to work hard and stick to something like a degree?

 

 

 

 

Some people I know of have strong points, such as being good at math.... Yet they have never applied themselves. Ever. They get really motivated to then just...somehow keep getting into mischief. These people are early twenties so I am their failure to achieve is attributed to being young and wild.

 

Other people like myself have stuck with a couple of things and achieved success in them before a genuine setback occurred more so than purely just being lazy and unmotivated and being too weak to handle hard work.

 

 

 

 

 

Some people are innately flawed. They have brilliant minds yet a stark weakness whereby they will never indulge in their natural talents and transfer them into a success adult career.

 

Some people just can't handle hard work and setbacks weren't a driving force behind their failure to launch.

[DazedandConfused8]

By that definition everyone qualifies as special.

 

No, they don't.

[OwMyEyeball]

No, they don't.

Yes, they do.

[DazedandConfused8]

Yes, they do.

 

Everyone is not equal. Some people are better than others.

[OwMyEyeball]

Everyone is not equal. Some people are better than others.

That's a meaningless statement without further elaboration. Anyone is better than everyone at something.

[DazedandConfused8]

That's a meaningless statement without further elaboration. Anyone is better than everyone at something.

 

Even if you added all of the pros and cons together, some people would still come out ahead of others.

[Leigh 87]

Everyone is not equal. Some people are better than others.

 

 

 

 

No decent woman is going to date a man who looks down on people who are less intelligent and/or who fail to launch a successful career by a certain age.

 

Some judgmental successful ladies who are stuck up and elitists may entertain a person like you. But no genuinely sweet woman is going to go for your sort of attitude

 

 

 

 

I agree that some people are better than others in the sense that:

 

- obviously terrorists or people who hurt animals and humans are awful people and a genuinely kind and caring person is a much better person than the animal torturer......

 

I don't agree that/no decently kind and empathetic person would agree that:

 

- they are "better than" anyone else because they have achieved more success

[newmoon]

I'm pretty special and accomplished for my age.

 

you are accomplished, for sure, but not special, lol

 

you have a right to want a partner who is similarly successful. if you are as motivated/driven as you seem then a lazier partner won't work for you. no big deal. date successful women.

[OwMyEyeball]

Even if you added all of the pros and cons together, some people would still come out ahead of others.

Again, this is meaningless unless you have developed:

 

a) A strict definition of success

 

b) A mathematical model under which a persons' value can be calculated and compared against another's

 

Spell them out.

 

Then explain how it matters to you, since a person who is "lesser" thank you today may be "greater" than you tomorrow.