emmahattie Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Basically I've met this guy a couple of times (not a lot, I know) and we've been speaking for about 3ish weeks now. The first time we went on a little date where we just grabbed a drink together and the 2nd time I went and chilled at his and we had a movie night and he brought my my favourite ice cream for us to share and we had an amazing evening. We have undeniable chemistry and we were both in fits of laughter for the whole evening and were really cuddled up for the majority of it. He went to a festival a week ago and we didn't have contact for 4 days, the last text he sent was just like he usually texts me - cheery and sweet. He's been back from the festival for 5 days now but unfortunately came back with really bad flu so his replies weren't brilliant as he was asleep most of the time. Today he said he's feeling better and we did text on and off but I've not heard from him for 9 hours now (this seems to be really out of character) and this is the 2nd or 3rd time that he's just left me hanging when it comes to texts and the conversations aren't as 'fruitful' if you will - although he replied quicker during the day today than he did yesterday and he did text me first in reply to last nights message. Also I left some of my stuff at his so I did text him and say can I just meet him in town to collect it and he said 'of course we can' and put a little smiley and asked if we could meet when he's feeling better. He's a genuinely nice guy and the times that we've met he's gone out of his way to come pick me up, he put on the films that I love and brought my favourite ice cream for us to eat etc. At the end of the day I'm going to have to see him face to face in the very near future. When I meet up with him to get my stuff would it be wise to mention like, I don't just want to be some girl that gets strung along etc and if he doesn't really feel that way about me anymore I'd rather he told me? Or should I just leave it and see where things go naturally? I've not texted him again tonight and I'm just going to leave it till tomorrow when I'll ask if we can see each other at the weekend to get my things. I'm really confused as to why he's doing this as before he left for the festival we were really close, he said he hoped my parents will like him etc and the conversation was really nice but something just seems really off right now and I'm not sure if it's me being paranoid or not.
preraph Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 You're going to ruin this by being clingy and demanding. You bugged him the whole time he was sick for attention! Now you're making excuses to force him to see you. By now he knows you desperately want to see him. If you end up getting strung along, it will be because you were too pushy with him and set yourself up. 2
Zahara Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 He's a genuinely nice guy and the times that we've met he's gone out of his way to come pick me up, he put on the films that I love and brought my favourite ice cream for us to eat etc. You've met him twice. He may truly be a great person but it would be foolish to make these statements or have much belief in it when you don't know a person. People can present to be any way they want to when they're trying to make a positive impression. When I meet up with him to get my stuff would it be wise to mention like, I don't just want to be some girl that gets strung along etc and if he doesn't really feel that way about me anymore I'd rather he told me? Too soon and too clingy for these types of conversations. You don't have to have these conversations because most times his interest or lack of will help you gauge where you are. If you did have that conversation with him, if he was stringing you along, do you believe he would tell you? It's a useless conversation to have. It's your responsibility to stay within your boundaries and let him show you what he's all about. Only two dates in, you're getting too attached. I'm really confused as to why he's doing this as before he left for the festival we were really close, he said he hoped my parents will like him etc and the conversation was really nice but something just seems really off right now and I'm not sure if it's me being paranoid or not. This is not uncommon. It has happened to most of us. 2
Poppygoodwill Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 This is the problem with trying to get to know someone in 20 words or less texts. It's impossible to get a feel for someone and their tone and so on that way. CALL HIM for god's sake. YOu'll know pretty quickly if he's still on the same page as before. You can also invite him out somewhere. Be specific and direct, but becuase he's been ill, let him pick the day. Then see what he does. If he goes ahead and sets up a date, then he's interested. If he doesn't, if he sort of deflects it, or smiles and says 'oh we should', but then never follows up, then chances are he's just not that into you. And it's best ot move on. Remember: people do what they want to do. If he wants to see you, he will find a way.
cif Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 When I meet up with him to get my stuff would it be wise to mention like, I don't just want to be some girl that gets strung along etc and if he doesn't really feel that way about me anymore I'd rather he told me? Leave it and see where things go naturally. I didn't get anything from what you wrote that he wasn't interested. Taking a break from texting/contacting during the day is ok. Stop initiating so much otherwise he may end up feeling suffocated.
Author emmahattie Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 You're going to ruin this by being clingy and demanding. You bugged him the whole time he was sick for attention! Now you're making excuses to force him to see you. By now he knows you desperately want to see him. If you end up getting strung along, it will be because you were too pushy with him and set yourself up. In reply to this I'd just like to add that the whole time that he was ill I never chased him up for texts, I just left him to it and if he didn't reply he didn't reply. I only texted him first the one time and that was just asking him how he was feeling and then said about getting my stuff cause I didn't want to lose all contact then have to awkwardly text him one day asking for it all back. I've never come across as desperate to see him, I just put it straight like can we meet in town at some point so I can get my stuff and he said sure thing when I feel better and I was like that's more than fine, let me know when you can and that was the end of the conversation.
Author emmahattie Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 (edited) I've posted a few times about a problem with a guy that I've been speaking to for around 3 weeks. Things were going great and then after he got back from a festival things started to go downhill and eventually he was taking forever to reply to my texts, was barely texting at all and suddenly he stopped talking to me and I didn't hear from him for 2 days. I texted him today saying 'hey did you want to do something this weekend or one evening next week or do you want me to just get my stuff off of you in town and I'll leave you to it. It's up to you '. To which he replied 'yeah, I'd love to. What have you got in mind?', so I replied 'I'm not sure, have you got any ideas? My mind is on a right blank right now!'...I've not had a reply for 7 hours and from his recent track record I'm not even sure I'm going to get a reply - I know 7 hours isn't a long time but seeing as this is the first time we've spoke in 2 days it is a bit of a piss take. I'm going to wait till morning to see whether he texts back or not but if he doesn't I will just say to him look meet me in town quick so I can get my stuff off of you (I don't want to drag this out any more than it should be, if he doesn't want to see me I'd rather get my stuff, delete his number and that will be that). But what I'm wondering is what on earth is going on with him?! Should the warning bells be going off in my head or am I being ridiculous again. I've just got a bad gut feeling about all of this and I'm not even sure what to do any more. Is there anything I should say to him at this point? Edited September 14, 2014 by emmahattie
mightycpa Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 'hey did you want to do something this weekend or one evening next week or do you want me to just get my stuff off of you in town and I'll leave you to it. It's up to you '. OMG, that was so needy-whiny! You're lucky, damn lucky, he came back with "I'd love to". So, what could he possibly have collected of yours in only three weeks? Two extra thoughts: 1) if your gut is generally right, I'd trust that more than whatever we here have to say 2) if you're going to whine some more, then no, don't say anything the POWER OF LEAST INTEREST has its grip on you. Can you feel it? I know you can. 1
Author emmahattie Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 OMG, that was so needy-whiny! You're lucky, damn lucky, he came back with "I'd love to". So, what could he possibly have collected of yours in only three weeks? Two extra thoughts: 1) if your gut is generally right, I'd trust that more than whatever we here have to say 2) if you're going to whine some more, then no, don't say anything the POWER OF LEAST INTEREST has its grip on you. Can you feel it? I know you can. It was just a couple of DVD's that I accidentally left at his after a movie night as we were in a rush to get out the door. And I didn't say it in a whiny way what so ever, I said or I can leave you to it as in if he's busy with work or whatever I won't keep him around so he can get back to it. I probably worded it badly but I've never been good at wording things.
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 If a guy doesn't message you back that's because he doesn't want to. Stop with the passive aggressive crap to get an answer from him. It's over. If someone does a 180, it usually means they cheated or they met someone else, lost interest. You said his behavior changed over night right after he was at some festival....mmmm ya something did happen, but he is being a coward, and is avoiding you. Don't waste your time trying to figure out what happened, I doubt he will ever tell you. Don't stay with someone if they don't treat you the way you want to be treated....he is being distant and vague.....dump his ass.
mightycpa Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 9 whole hours? OMG! Stop it OP! Stop, stop, stop it! you know what you need? 5 boyfriends, so that you can spend all day texting back and forth instantaneously. Seriously, that way, you won't feel neglected. 1
Author emmahattie Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 9 whole hours? OMG! Stop it OP! Stop, stop, stop it! you know what you need? 5 boyfriends, so that you can spend all day texting back and forth instantaneously. Seriously, that way, you won't feel neglected. Usually I wouldn't care about someone not replying for 9 hours but its when he goes from texting me regularly as in every day to not at all and just ignoring messages...it makes you think twice and quite frankly it is rude so you can't make me out to be some clingy freak when someone goes from daily contact to nothing. From what I can tell I wont get a reply to that last message I sent him asking if he has any ideas on what he wants to do so I'm just trying to see what my other options are, not have other people belittling me. I have been seriously scarred by 2 previous relationships so this is all very new to me again and I have some serious trust issues, so I am prone to worrying and over thinking especially when my gut reaction is screaming out that there is something wrong. I'd rather you didn't post sarcastic replies making jibes at me when you don't know the whole back story.
Leigh 87 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Well, he probably did like you to begin with, but however great he thought you seemed initially, he DEFINATELY doesn't think it now:sick: It happens to most of us! I have had a few guys who did genuinely like me and they were definitely keen on me at first.... .....except I then texted them too much or something similar, which put them riiiiight off! This guy could have been really keen on you before you went and over texted him. As adults, it's our responsibility to not cross boundaries. For instance, knowing someone for a mere week or month makes it VERY inappropriate to just.... text or call them multiple times in a row with NO response from them. If this guy ever was truly into you based on your initial first impressions, your ONLY hope now is to simply NOT text him. Stop texting. At all. Even if he never gets back to you, don't text. I have had a guy overlook one or two hiccups with me before... I just backed off, stopped texting, and low and behold, the guy came back eventually. Sometimes they came back purely to get laid. Other times they genuinely wanted to give me another go. Other times they never bothered contacting me again - guy A, he only wanted sex with me from day one I suspect. Guy B, on the other hand, I genuinely believe he wanted a relationship but I stuffed it up. Both guys have not reached out to me since I "over texted" or the equivalent..........
Leigh 87 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 Usually I wouldn't care about someone not replying for 9 hours but its when he goes from texting me regularly as in every day to not at all and just ignoring messages...it makes you think twice and quite frankly it is rude so you can't make me out to be some clingy freak when someone goes from daily contact to nothing. From what I can tell I wont get a reply to that last message I sent him asking if he has any ideas on what he wants to do so I'm just trying to see what my other options are, not have other people belittling me. I have been seriously scarred by 2 previous relationships so this is all very new to me again and I have some serious trust issues, so I am prone to worrying and over thinking especially when my gut reaction is screaming out that there is something wrong. I'd rather you didn't post sarcastic replies making jibes at me when you don't know the whole back story. Texting regularly indicated more of a keen interest. Sometimes for purely sex, other times because they are genuinely interested in dating you. When texting tapers off, it's because they have lost interest. This is in the early stages.... long term, some couples text heaps to begin with/it then dies down... Or a couple I know still text as much as the day they first met:love: a great couple they are, very much in love. Then there are guys who just don't like to text a whole lot! Although the fact that this guy initially DID text regularly indicates that he was likely keen to begin with, and you put him off so he isn't eager to get to know you as it stands.
mightycpa Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 (1) quite frankly it is rude so you can't make me out to be some clingy freak when someone goes from daily contact to nothing. (2) I have some serious trust issues, so I am prone to worrying and over thinking OK, I will kill the sarcasm. Apologies. Now, read the above. #1 - Yes I can. As Leigh87 has correctly pointed out, you have traveled the well-worn road from excited interest to meh. So the question then becomes, how do you react to it? That depends upon your experience.. if you've never seen that before, you might have some questions about that. But as you say in your post, you've been around the block with a couple of boys who have not treated you well. You know the score. You have friends too. You probably also know that it isn't all that unusual, and you've got to be on guard for it when a relationship develops. So, I would then counsel you to learn to respond with some dignity and self-respect, rather than with hysteria, or worry, or whatever other emotional reaction might follow. The truth is, most relationships end up in the dustbin. Plan on it. React accordingly. I know it is not always easy, but this stuff isn't mysterious. Chances are that most relationships don't work out. That's why HE is called "the One". #2 - Trust issues, from being burned, I suppose. Again, not uncommon. But I think that can lead to some overreactions, and to some worrisome thinking. We're talking 3 weeks and two dates. Try to put things in perspective. Don't expect too much too soon, especially when you get too much too soon. If I'm texting you a million times a day when I first meet you, expect that this will burn out quickly. I can't keep up the pace, you know that. Think it through, you'll see what I mean. 2
Author emmahattie Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 Texting regularly indicated more of a keen interest. Sometimes for purely sex, other times because they are genuinely interested in dating you. When texting tapers off, it's because they have lost interest. This is in the early stages.... long term, some couples text heaps to begin with/it then dies down... Or a couple I know still text as much as the day they first met:love: a great couple they are, very much in love. Then there are guys who just don't like to text a whole lot! Although the fact that this guy initially DID text regularly indicates that he was likely keen to begin with, and you put him off so he isn't eager to get to know you as it stands. Thank you for such in depth replies! The only thing that confuses me is that he was texting back just as keenly, and if he didn't reply for a few hours I would NEVER chase him up with another text. I'd just wait for his reply and I wouldn't reply as soon as I'd got it, I'd wait until I finished what I was doing etc so I didn't seem overly keen. I'm just maybe thinking that while he was away at the festival he realised he wasn't as into me as he was when we were first talking as the times we met were very close together so I guess you could say it was intense? I don't understand why he says he'd love to see me when really the warning signs are that he has lost interest? I'm just dreading seeing him now but it will be interesting to see how he acts with me.
Author emmahattie Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 OK, I will kill the sarcasm. Apologies. Now, read the above. #1 - Yes I can. As Leigh87 has correctly pointed out, you have traveled the well-worn road from excited interest to meh. So the question then becomes, how do you react to it? That depends upon your experience.. if you've never seen that before, you might have some questions about that. But as you say in your post, you've been around the block with a couple of boys who have not treated you well. You know the score. You have friends too. You probably also know that it isn't all that unusual, and you've got to be on guard for it when a relationship develops. So, I would then counsel you to learn to respond with some dignity and self-respect, rather than with hysteria, or worry, or whatever other emotional reaction might follow. The truth is, most relationships end up in the dustbin. Plan on it. React accordingly. I know it is not always easy, but this stuff isn't mysterious. Chances are that most relationships don't work out. That's why HE is called "the One". #2 - Trust issues, from being burned, I suppose. Again, not uncommon. But I think that can lead to some overreactions, and to some worrisome thinking. We're talking 3 weeks and two dates. Try to put things in perspective. Don't expect too much too soon, especially when you get too much too soon. If I'm texting you a million times a day when I first meet you, expect that this will burn out quickly. I can't keep up the pace, you know that. Think it through, you'll see what I mean. Thank you for taking into consideration what I said, and I'll definitely take into consideration what you've just posted as well. I've been through this a billion times yet I never know how to react because I like answers because if I don't get them I will mentally beat myself up about it for a long long time, I always fully blame myself when half the time it's the guy's doing. I never push for texts, if someone doesn't reply to me I won't text them until I get a reply. I honestly just want to get getting my stuff from him over and done with so I can get on with my life instead of worrying. He was very very respectful of me the times we were talking and spent together and he was the one who initiated all the kissing and cuddling etc so this is all very out of the blue and quite frankly rude of him.
smackie9 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 It's best to just be straight forward with him, instead of skirting around the issue hoping he would say something. Your vague way of approach is why you don't get answers. THIS: "learn to respond with some dignity and self-respect, rather than with hysteria, or worry, or whatever other emotional reaction might follow." You need to be confident in yourself, instead of relying on your fears to dictate your behavior. In other words don't be afraid. If it's nothing it's nothing, if it's not working for them, then with tact and grace, move on. You have to kick a lot of tires to find the right one. You have been seeing each other for a short time, people will change their mind. Not everyone is going to be respectful and properly terminate the relationship. There will be spinless twits that will avoid you till you get the hint.....someone you don't want to be with anyways. 1
new2013 Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 I am going through the same thing as you let me know how you get on as its also driving me crazy
batgirl Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 It was just a couple of DVD's that I accidentally left at his after a movie night as we were in a rush to get out the door. And I didn't say it in a whiny way what so ever, I said or I can leave you to it as in if he's busy with work or whatever I won't keep him around so he can get back to it. I probably worded it badly but I've never been good at wording things. Okay, but here's the thing. This is all said in text message. So, if we picked up on the needy/whiny thing (whether it is there or not) he probably did too.
Diezel Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 'hey did you want to do something this weekend or one evening next week or do you want me to just get my stuff off of you in town and I'll leave you to it. It's up to you '. Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes. I'm pretty sure he only replied because of the second part.
Leigh 87 Posted September 15, 2014 Posted September 15, 2014 I have had some experience with guys who were very much into me to begin with, and yet lost interest shortly after. I do not believe they were all out for sex, I think some men were genuinely quiet into me but then ...... meh. It is common from what I hear and have personally experienced. Don't sweat it. I also sent some cringe worthy texts to one of the last guys who were very much into me to begin with and then, well... At the time, we are just trying to make sense of WHY these people.. have changed their behaviour. These guys likely felt off to begin with and our needy and not - cool texts further reiterate that we are not right for them. At a concert, that is no reason for a man who is truly into a girl to go AWOL for more than the day he was AT the concert....... That's not normal behaviour for a man who is into a girl. Seriously. Move on. And be careful if he comes crawling back, he may just want sex and fun times.
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