ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I do need him to be honest with me, I just don't know how to set up a time to see him outside of work, as he's currently ignoring me. If he continues to ignore your calls, simply send him a message stating that you interpret his continued absence as a loss of interest and you feel you have no choice but to end the relationship. Be prepared to follow through on that. If that's not what he wants, you'll hear from him. If you don't, I would assume he feels the same way and just didn't have the cojones to tell you that. You can't continue to be left hanging and trying to meet him. His silence and avoidance speak volumes, in my opinion. 4
Author ColaBucks Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 If he continues to ignore your calls, simply send him a message stating that you interpret his continued absence as a loss of interest and you feel you have no choice but to end the relationship. Be prepared to follow through on that. If that's not what he wants, you'll hear from him. If you don't, I would assume he feels the same way and just didn't have the cojones to tell you that. You can't continue to be left hanging and trying to meet him. His silence and avoidance speak volumes, in my opinion. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll see how it goes.
Diezel Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 He needs to act like an adult. I would go to his job and ask what's up. Then dump him. That's the least adult-like conduct that any person could do. Specially when they work together. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Okay, so it's hard for you to move on without a definitive 'end'....well, then you can determine the end. YOU can make the definitive end. There is absolutely no good reason for him to go silent on you after two months of dating. There is an obligation to you after the time spent together and presumably you've been intimate. If he's disappeared, then he's a cowardly jerk and you shouldn't let him back into your life even if he did come back around for some reason. It's really not fun to feel rejected, but look at it another way: in my mind, going AWOL on you for a week is enough to decide he's not worth your time after all. yes poppy has a great point. you can take the power back by deciding what happens to you and in your life. If how he treats you doesn't meet your standards, you should question things to point that you are considering ending it with him! No investment in him, how great you think he is, matters--all that matters is how he treats you. You don't even need to discuss it. In fact, i wouldn't-- just wait until you hear from him. That way you take your power back. a discussion is sooooo not relevant when his actions tell you all you need to know. Who knows what will happen in the end, but I think using every move a guy makes as an opportunity to prove your worth to him. So a "bad" thing is not necessarily bad thing but an opportunity to see how he deals with stuff and react to that stuff in a way that shows you have value and are not a doormat. good luck!
Gloria25 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I don't see a Monday to Thursday lack of contact as detrimental as you see it... You see, IMO, regular communication between couples is going to take place if like you live together (i.e. husband and wife) cuz duh, you see that person's face morning, noon, and night. Now, what do you think those people "communicate" about? Mundane stuff I gather (i.e. How was your day?) I mean, I think that the only conversations of ANY value might take place at the dinner table. So, if you expect your bf to call/text/FB you every day, what are you expecting him to talk about? Really, what? I'm also curious as to what this 2-month thing you had with this guy consisted of (sex, sex, and sex I gather) and at what point did you have the DTR talk. Cuz, sometimes when two people start off "dating" with tons of sex, when all the hornies die down, then people get back to their regular lives and that's where the distance between contact usually starts - especially if he realizes that he isn't really that into you (outside of the bedroom) And no, working or being friends with someone is not the same as "dating" them...So, the contact you experienced as co-workers and/or being friends isn't the same once you start dating.
Zippy2000 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Its only been 2 months. He's being a typical man. Once he's got you. He's just cooling down. Unless what your describing is a slow fade.
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Its only been 2 months. He's being a typical man. Once he's got you. He's just cooling down. Unless what your describing is a slow fade. I don't think it's such good news. A significant change in pattern is usually a problem. 2
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 When you go in to work on Sunday, be ready with your speech - "You know, you're not very good a this whole BF/GF thing. You DO KNOW that you're expected to put in a little effort to stay in touch, especially in the beginning, right? Did you know that? " That way, if he has an excuse that you deem acceptable, you come off as very calm and collected. That is very attractive to a man. And if he's not interested, it doesn't matter what you say, but non-confrontation will make him comfortable and get him to open up to you.
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 When you go in to work on Sunday, be ready with your speech - "You know, you're not very good a this whole BF/GF thing. You DO KNOW that you're expected to put in a little effort to stay in touch, especially in the beginning, right? Did you know that? " That way, if he has an excuse that you deem acceptable, you come off as very calm and collected. That is very attractive to a man. And if he's not interested, it doesn't matter what you say, but non-confrontation will make him comfortable and get him to open up to you. You see, that would sound confrontational to me. Maybe i'm just overly sensitive
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Just a quick update, he messaged me on Facebook this morning just saying 'Howdy'. I was at college, so I didn't reply until an hour or so ago, I didn't want to get into an altercation whilst I was on a 15 minute study break, or at all whilst i wasn't in the right environment. He has been offline for 6hrs, so he hasn't been online since he sent the "howdy".
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 What did you reply with? 'how are you'
Treasa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 'how are you' If only you had messed up the letters of the first word and typed, "Who are you?" Man, that would have been great... 3
Gloria25 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 When you go in to work on Sunday, be ready with your speech - "You know, you're not very good a this whole BF/GF thing. You DO KNOW that you're expected to put in a little effort to stay in touch, especially in the beginning, right? Did you know that? " That way, if he has an excuse that you deem acceptable, you come off as very calm and collected. That is very attractive to a man. And if he's not interested, it doesn't matter what you say, but non-confrontation will make him comfortable and get him to open up to you. Too confrontational ^^... I say be sweet. Give him a hug and just chat like normal (how'd your week go, what's the weather like, bla bla) and just sit back and watch how he reacts this upcoming week and don't contact him....Maybe wait till the end of next week to see if he'll go out with you by texting him or waiting till you see him at work again and let him know that you wanted to check out this cool cafe/restaurant/movie and see how he reacts. Patience, calm, cool...
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 If only you had messed up the letters of the first word and typed, "Who are you?" Man, that would have been great... haha, i dont want to be 'like that' about it, i want to give him a chance, theres a (very very slim) chance he'll have a valid excuse i'm hopeless
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Just a quick update, he messaged me on Facebook this morning just saying 'Howdy'. I was at college, so I didn't reply until an hour or so ago, I didn't want to get into an altercation whilst I was on a 15 minute study break, or at all whilst i wasn't in the right environment. He has been offline for 6hrs, so he hasn't been online since he sent the "howdy". All he could muster was a howdy after days of silence. If that isn't the smallest little crumb. 1
mightycpa Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Too confrontational Really? In my head it sounded ok. I do have a penchant for the direct. I think it is all in the delivery. To me: "Where the **** have you been and why have you been ignoring me" is confrontational. Anyway, I accept your judgment.
Gloria25 Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Really? In my head it sounded ok. I do have a penchant for the direct. I think it is all in the delivery. To me: "Where the **** have you been and why have you been ignoring me" is confrontational. Anyway, I accept your judgment. Well, I "do" believe she should have "the talk" with him...but I want her to try out what I asked her to do between now and the end of next week. If he doesn't respond to her proposal that they go out, then I think she should say something like "Hey, we don't go out like we used to, you don't respond to my text/FB/etc. - are we ok?"...and then go from there... I mean, RLs aren't about "confronting" each other...shyt is gonna come up all the time. Can't be all "confrontational" with each other...need to "discuss" and "communicate".
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 We just briefly chatted, turns out he 'doesn't think the relationship is going to work out' because 'the last few times we've seen each other it hasn't been comfortable'. might be seeing him tomorrow evening to talk in person about it, until then i'm going out with friends and getting drunk this always happens to me haha
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 We just briefly chatted, turns out he 'doesn't think the relationship is going to work out' because 'the last few times we've seen each other it hasn't been comfortable'. might be seeing him tomorrow evening to talk in person about it, until then i'm going out with friends and getting drunk this always happens to me haha Getting drunk does quite the opposite. A high and then crash. It's a depressant. Go out and have fun but try not to drown your feelings in alcohol. It only magnifies the bad feelings.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 We just briefly chatted, turns out he 'doesn't think the relationship is going to work out' because 'the last few times we've seen each other it hasn't been comfortable'. might be seeing him tomorrow evening to talk in person about it, until then i'm going out with friends and getting drunk this always happens to me haha What do you hope to find out in this meeting? I just mean that there might not be much left to say, depending on the chat you had with him earlier. Have fun with your friends - but don't get too plastered! Tends to have the opposite effect and magnifies the sadness and anger. Definitely speaking from personal experience here! 1
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 Getting drunk does quite the opposite. A high and then crash. It's a depressant. Go out and have fun but try not to drown your feelings in alcohol. It only magnifies the bad feelings. i feel like getting out and seeing friends will make me feel better, id rather that than mope
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 i feel like getting out and seeing friends will make me feel better, id rather that than mope Sure, go out and have fun but I'm saying don't get plastered. Getting drunk will only magnify those bad feelings. 1
BluEyeL Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I'm sorry Have fun with your friends, mourn the loss, and move on. I wouldn't have an in person talk to him, what's the point? He ended it. A change in pattern is never good news. A guy I dated for just under 4 months last year met me twice a week as clockwork. Once, out of the blue, he cancelled our regular Saturday date saying he's got a cold. I knew right then that it was over. Sure enough, he called very soon after to end it. 2
Author ColaBucks Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 I'm sorry Have fun with your friends, mourn the loss, and move on. I wouldn't have an in person talk to him, what's the point? He ended it. A change in pattern is never good news. A guy I dated for just under 4 months last year met me twice a week as clockwork. Once, out of the blue, he cancelled our regular Saturday date saying he's got a cold. I knew right then that it was over. Sure enough, he called very soon after to end it. Thank you. I'm not having an in person talk to him, we dont have many mutual friends anyway. I'm sorry about your guy, it looks like we're both better off without
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