jimbeck Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 In my previous post I mentioned that it was my first time using OLD. I found two women on POF that I had strong interest in. However, I found that dating either of these women would have some problems because one spoke that she didn't want a relationship right now and the other lives 100 miles away. I decided to go ahead and meet them. I thought maybe the one who didn't want a relationship would change her mind after meeting me or I would have enough conviction to do a LDR. I was able to meet both women yesterday. However, I have to say that I am disappointed in the results. I drove out for the long distance meet up first. Since she was interested in dating. We planned a long date. I met up with her around 11 am and we played some tennis, seen a movie and then had a late lunch. At lunch we talked and she informed me that she has two other guys who are interested in dating her. I made some kind of smart remark and from then on when I asked her a basic question like what kind of music she likes she would say I don't know. The conversation was painful so I had to cut the date short. For the second meet up, I was feeling tired from driving 4 hours plus the activity of my earlier meet up. Since she wasn't looking for a relationship we only planned to meet briefly for drinks. I was expecting some more bad conversation but found that she was easy to talk with, she answered all of my questions in great detail, we seemed to have good chemistry but at the end of the met up she mentioned that she wasn't looking for a relationship. For those you with online dating experience, how long after an online meet up should you wait before you contact them again, so not be needy? Is there any line of communication I can use to solve either the problems I have encountered? Is this typical of OLD meet ups?
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 This is my first time with OLD...I was/am still really confused about what to do but obviously neither one of these women should be pursued. They probably could be good friends, if that. I think you should keep looking, if you are looking to be in a relationship.
AliOop Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 If you mean how long should you wait to contact either of these 2 women I would say "indefinitely." The first woman seems off-putting by mentioning other men that want to date her - who on earth would anyone say that to their date - especially on the first date. The second woman told you straight out that she doesn't want a relationship so believe her and don't bother. If you mean for future dates how long should you wait to contact - I'd say if you had a great date and think she did too feel free to reach out the next day or two. In general I think anywhere between 1 and 5 days works. 1
Gaeta Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I have 3 years of experience with online dating and I have done over 100 coffee-dates. If you enjoyed the lady then call or text her after the date and let her know you enjoyed yourself and would be interested in doing it again. If she replies positively then book a second date right there on the spot. Do not waste time chit chatting an entire week before mentioning another date. Online is a tool for you to make contact with women, the rest is face to face. Make your date invitation and arrangement by phone, not text. Unless you live in the middle of the bush I suggest you stick to the local ladies. No restaurant on first date, keep it light, coffee, ice cream, and a couple of hours. If you pay dinner to every first date you meet you will ruin yourself, you will realize most of the time you won't hear back from these women. Stay positive, have fun 2
Mrin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 First your dates: Date #1: move on. That was rude behavior. Date #2: Does she want a casual dating thing or a FWB? Or was she just looking for friends. If #2 - move on unless you want to be her friend. Okay now to your question: 1. The Insanely Great Date: If the date was freaking incredible and you are both feeling it, then arrange date #2 before date #1 is over. 2. The Good Date: It is a good date. She's happy. You're happy. This is what I do - I ask her to let me know when she made it home safely (if at night). When she does, I reply that I had a great time and really enjoyed her company. Depending on how I am feeling about it, I might say, "and I would love to see you again". Or I might wait until the next day and send a "thank you again for a lovely evening. I'd love to see you again" I might punt the actual date and time a day or two as it is probably next weekend but definitely want to get the buy in on a second date quickly. Otherwise, they start second guessing themselves, you, and toss up emotional shielding. 3. The Okay Date: It wasn't spectacular but you might want to see her again. Again, make sure she gets home safely. Thank her for her company. Start up text convos the next day and if you start to feel the text chemistry, then ask for the second date midweek. 4. The Bad Date: Again, make sure she gets home okay. Thank her for her company. Leave it at that or if she persists in the text convo, tell her you're not interested but wish her the best. I don't buy into this waiting game BS. Keeping communication going and keeping it genuine (but not overwhelming) is important. I think if you let that linger, people erect shielding and move on. Truth: What do you read here over and over again? "If a man is interested in you, you'l know it". Okay, so why exactly would a man deliberately make it seem like he's not interested? Don't be a PUA and don't try to make women chase you. It is ultimately unsatisfying as a dude and most women will hate themselves for it if they do end up chasing. That's my two cents. 1
Mrin Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Oh ya, and congrats on having the first 2 OLD dates under your belt! They're always the hardest.
katinlc Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 First your dates: Date #1: move on. That was rude behavior. Date #2: Does she want a casual dating thing or a FWB? Or was she just looking for friends. If #2 - move on unless you want to be her friend. Okay now to your question: 1. The Insanely Great Date: If the date was freaking incredible and you are both feeling it, then arrange date #2 before date #1 is over. 2. The Good Date: It is a good date. She's happy. You're happy. This is what I do - I ask her to let me know when she made it home safely (if at night). When she does, I reply that I had a great time and really enjoyed her company. Depending on how I am feeling about it, I might say, "and I would love to see you again". Or I might wait until the next day and send a "thank you again for a lovely evening. I'd love to see you again" I might punt the actual date and time a day or two as it is probably next weekend but definitely want to get the buy in on a second date quickly. Otherwise, they start second guessing themselves, you, and toss up emotional shielding. 3. The Okay Date: It wasn't spectacular but you might want to see her again. Again, make sure she gets home safely. Thank her for her company. Start up text convos the next day and if you start to feel the text chemistry, then ask for the second date midweek. 4. The Bad Date: Again, make sure she gets home okay. Thank her for her company. Leave it at that or if she persists in the text convo, tell her you're not interested but wish her the best. I don't buy into this waiting game BS. Keeping communication going and keeping it genuine (but not overwhelming) is important. I think if you let that linger, people erect shielding and move on. Truth: What do you read here over and over again? "If a man is interested in you, you'l know it". Okay, so why exactly would a man deliberately make it seem like he's not interested? Don't be a PUA and don't try to make women chase you. It is ultimately unsatisfying as a dude and most women will hate themselves for it if they do end up chasing. That's my two cents. I think this is great advice...as a woman who does online dating, the above is kind of what I expect communication-wise based on how the date went.
deathandtaxes Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Odd that the lady that doesn't want a relationship is using OLD. I'm guessing a few things about this one. 1)She just wants a hook-up. 2)She really does want something, but early on she didn't want something with YOU. If you're using OLD to find a relationship, never, ever meet up with a lady that is so up front about not wanting a relationship again. It's just a waste of time. The other lady committed a huge party foul saying she has other guys interested. While you must always assume people using OLD have other options and are going on dates with others, to openly say it without being questioned is beyond gauche. But good for you for getting out there, OP! Now that you've been bloodied, gird up and prepare for more.
Assasda Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 What did you ask the lady so that she said she "wasnt looking for a relationship" or did she just divulge that information
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