Bf hesitant to get married because I was married in the past

[ktya]

No, your link gives anecdotes.

 

My sources cite government statistics and academic studies. Your sources to prove your point give anecdotes.

 

Try again.

 

Statistics Canada is hardly an anecdote. Neither is a practicing criminal lawyer.

 

If you honestly beleive that men are more likely to falsely report DV you should check into a shrink.

 

I'm a man. If I called the cops to say that my girlfriend slapped me, I'd probably have the dispatcher laughing on the phone asking what I did to deserve it.

 

Give me a break. Anyway this is not what the OPs thread is about. If you would like to further debate how men are the bane of society head down to your local womens shelter I'm sure they would be empathetic to your cause.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I don't think trying to convince or persuade your boyfriend is going to work. This is an unconscious issue on his part, to do with his ideals and expectations. I would wager that if he realised you'd been married before, he would never have dated you. He's really hung up on this. He's pushing this at you. I don't know what's best to save your relationship here but I know what I would do. I'd step back and do something else and let him figure it out. By trying to convince him, you are playing into his paranoia that there's something to worry about.

 

If you had told him and you haven't omitted to tell him and just sprung it on him, you should not have to go any further with your reassurances. This sounds like a game. 'Hey, you are not as perfect as I thought you were', prove you are! Why should you have to?

 

I agree with this. OK, I can imagine he does not really like the fact that you were married before but he seems to lack compassion for you. You were 19, you made a mistake, you realised it and you got out of the marriage. It's not as if you were totally mature and married a guy only to cheat on him and have a child behind his back, things which would actually be sign of a lack of values.

 

You probably want everything to be back to normal as quickly as possible but I would actually seize the opportunity to think if this is the guy you want to be with. It sounds to me that your guy expects you to be perfect and only loves you when you totally meet his superhigh standards. Maybe that's not a very good catch either.

You are both 30, you have had a bit of life before meeting each other.

 

Take some distance. He needs to get over this or not and there is nothing you can do here. You should certainly not allow him to make this into a power game whereby he can pretend to be much better than you because he was never married.