SG19765 Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I have a bit of an issue. I have always cheated on my girlfriends, not because of insecurity or low self esteem. It's just something that I have always done. The problem is my guilt seems to display itself as retroactive jealousy. So I have recently found the woman of my dreams. 3 past partners at 25, 2 of which were very long term, one much shorter due to her bf cheating, goal oriented, family oriented, always happy, treats me great, likes my dam and mine hers. So anyways early on I did my thing not proud of how I cheated or who I did it with but not getting into that. So anyways back to my problem. For some reason I seem to get RJ over one of the relationships. It seems that I do this with all my girls to cover up the guilt of my cheating. Now most of the girls I've dated weren't especially stand up people, but by the stats posted above this girl for 25 seems to be the ideal women, with self respect and morals and standards. I just wish I knew how to get over my cheating issue so I can stop harnessing it as RJ. I saw a psych about this a few years back and to be completely honest she told me that I carry some narcissistic and sociopathic traits. Just due to my lack of empathy and my over concern for myself as well as the cheating. She said it almost seems like I get a thrill out of seeing how far I can push the limits and manipulate people. Truth is I don't know if this is love I'm feeling or not but I would really like to make this relationship work. She's the best woman I've ever met and just don't know how to proceed. Please don't shame me for this, I just want some honest answer from maybe people with the same issue.
Keenly Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 You already blew your chance to make it work. The non chalant attitude tells me you'll hapilly do it again too. Stop being in relationships, as you are incapable of being in a healthy one. 3
Got it Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 I would say go back to the therapist and continue with therapy until you have a better handle over things. If her diagnosis is true you have a long hard road to walk. You are no where near ready to have a successful go at this relationship at this point. 2
Quiet Storm Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 It's not fair to others if you drag them down with your issues. Most people that so this are unaware of their own issues, but you know about them. Yet, you still let them rain down on someone you care about. It's good you want to stop, but your issues go too deep to be resolved by loveshack advice. Get yourself straight, and then worry about being in a committed relationship. 2
RedRobin Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 Pick other women who share your issues. Sometimes the only way some people develop empathy is when it happens to them. Your 'retroactive jealousy' isn't jealousy at all... it is all about trying to make sure you don't get dealt the same hand you are dealing others. Leave the 'stand up' women to other 'stand up' guys... not you. You don't deserve someone like her. 1
No Limit Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 Yes, you do have issues and if you have really cheated from the very first start, I doubt a therapist can help you. If she really is a stand up woman, I have no doubt your jealousy will drive her away anyway. And you ARE insecure, don't try to deny that. You've come to ask us how you can feign a perfect relationship because you know you'll probably never get an upgrade like her again. Which IS manipulation, and IS a sociopathic trait. I'm afraid you have no room among the "stand up" kind. Enjoy it as long as it lasts.
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 13, 2014 Posted September 13, 2014 It's too late for this one. You already cheated. It doesn't sound like you want to, or are capable of being sexually faithful while in a relationship. I know guys like you. I know one guy 32 who cheated on every partner he'd ever had. His current relationship was six years and he had slept with somebody else within the first year but thought he was 'doing well' to have not done it since. Then we had a four month intense sexual and emotional affair. He stuck with the girlfriend, which I am now glad about. He just cannot keep it in his pants whoever he's with. He sounds a lot like you! In the future I would tell new partners upfront that you've cheated on everybody and feel incapable of stopping. Then your new partner has the ability to make an informed decision about whether she wants to be with somebody who has your history or not. If she decides to risk it, then she knows what she's getting into. Perhaps you could explain why it is that you cheat? Do you do it for the sexual thrill? Get bored? Do you go out looking for sex because it's fun? Is it normally with the same woman? Where do you go to meet women that are happy to be a cheatee? Without any of that information it's really hard to try and actually help you change.
RedRobin Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 There are 12 step programs for people who cannot control their sexual urges. Sex Addicts Anonymous. https://saa-recovery.org 1
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