i feel so guilty :(

[danny6]

So me and my gf have been dating for 8 months now

 

before we dated I used to go and watch porn, and also live ONE WAY webcams with like thousands of other viewers.

 

And just today I remembered one day about 5 months ago I was watching a webcam and in the chatbox for everyone to communicate with everyone else I said "Hi" and I did it just ut of curiosity and for my own sexual pleasure. I would have never had a conversation. and at that time I didn't think what I was doing was considered cheating. because I did not have the mindset to cheat I was latterly just doing my thing for the day instead of watching porn. At the time I was watching it I did not think it was considered cheating at all. I was just doing a normal thing. Now like I said this person cannot see or hear me and I was not looking to engage in conversation AT ALL. I would have never answered if anyone answered. It was just to add to the fantasy.

 

Now today, someone said its basically cheating. and Now im going crazy because I feel so guilty. I never thought anything of it because I didn't think it was cheating or considered it cheating.

 

I told my gf and she is okay, and does not think it was cheating. But I still feel so guilty. I have never watched it again and will not. I am not a cheater. I do not and will not ever cheat on my girlfriend. I love her so much. I have never even talked to or touched another girl bevause im one of the most loyal people. I feel so guilty idk what to do to relieve this guilt.

[danny6]

Please anyone reply Is this cheating or no?

 

I did not go on with intentions to chat or ANYTHING. I went on and had I tensions of using it just like porn. That's all. It was a one way chat, they cannot see or hear me.

[aussietigerwolf]

Listen to your gf, its not cheating imo.

[danny6]

And this was literally my thought process.

 

So I go on. Checking it out, click a video. And I'm watching it. Then I'm like "let me see if anyone will answer because that will be crazy if they do. But I will only say hi I am not looking for a conversation" then after I entered it I was like "well wait I have a gf..is this considered like cheating or something or bad?"

 

Then next thing you know I click out of the video. Look up if it's a fork of cheating and then I have never ever used it or done it again. Ever. Because I am not a cheater and do not want to he considered one. It was totally unintentional. I realized it was wrong after I typed hello to see if anyone would answer. And it crossed a boundary for me personally.

[danny6]

Listen to your gf, its not cheating imo.

 

 

 

Okay I just feel horrible because I said hi. During it I realized like this doesn't seem right and eventually it hit me that it was wrong for me to do and I had no idea I was doing it. I was using it just like porn. Not looking for any type of offer line sequel relationship at all.

 

It was a mistake blindly made that I realized. And I know FOR SURE 110% IT'S NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN.

[Atticus9292012]

It sounds to me that you already resolved it. You're gf isn't upset. So why worry? I personally don't think this is cheating, but I have a friend who thinks masturbating is cheating. Minds can differ. Stop stressing.

[danny6]

It sounds to me that you already resolved it. You're gf isn't upset. So why worry? I personally don't think this is cheating, but I have a friend who thinks masturbating is cheating. Minds can differ. Stop stressing.

 

It's hard just because it hit me like a brick I'm the face. I was so blind to what I did that day and didn't know what I was getting into. I started stressing because I was not and am not a cheater. I put 110% of myself into my relationship and no where else. I was never interested in anything or anyone else.

[mightycpa]

I didn't think what I was doing was considered cheating. because I did not have the mindset to cheat ....Now today, someone said its basically cheating. and Now im going crazy because I feel so guilty....I told my gf and she is okay, and does not think it was cheating. But I still feel so guilty.

 

This seems like a much bigger problem than whether you cheated or not.

[danny6]

This seems like a much bigger problem than whether you cheated or not.

 

What? I meant I didn't know it was cheating. Meaning. I thought it was just like porn. I used it as porn. And it had zero drive or intention. I would have never chatted and would have never made any contact and would have never used it for ANYTHING besides using it like porn. Click the video, do my thing, and get out.

 

And I do have ocd so this is eating me up and won't leave my head

[mightycpa]

And I do have ocd so this is eating me up and won't leave my head

 

 

OH. ok, you left that part out. So, somebody put a worm inside your head, and you can't get rid of this idea.

 

I don't know how OCD works, or how or if you overcome it. I'm guessing that just telling you to forget about this won't do the trick.

 

Way out of my depth here.

 

Good luck with that.

[danny6]

Still feeling guikty. Because I said "hi" and I would have never even engaged in conversation if anyone answered. I did it for the "thrill" and knew I was not going to do anything. I know that 110% I am still freaking out

[mightycpa]

I might as well take this as an opportunity to learn.

 

So, what is that like? You say hi, you're fine with it, and then someone says you're a cheater.

 

From the point right before the word cheater is uttered (you still feel fine) to the point that you actually feel the guilt, can you take me through that step by step? What is that like? I can help you start:

 

1) I hear the word "cheater".

2) ...

[danny6]

I might as well take this as an opportunity to learn.

 

So, what is that like? You say hi, you're fine with it, and then someone says you're a cheater.

 

From the point right before the word cheater is uttered (you still feel fine) to the point that you actually feel the guilt, can you take me through that step by step? What is that like? I can help you start:

 

1) I hear the word "cheater".

2) ...

 

2. I start freaking out wondering if I really cheated

3. I start becoming irrational

4. Irrational and I think and feel like I cheated

5. The feeling stays and is very hard to let go of

[danny6]

Then I start thinking about the situation. Okay I said hi, I am not looking for conversation. I just wanna see if the person or anyone replies because that would be crazy. But I am not having any conversation. And I'm also thinking "no one is going to reply anyways"

[DazedandConfused8]

Now today, someone said its basically cheating. and Now im going crazy because I feel so guilty. I never thought anything of it because I didn't think it was cheating or considered it cheating.

 

It was cheating that you said "hi" to an online stripper?

[danny6]

It was cheating that you said "hi" to an online stripper?

 

That's not considered cheating? Yes just hi to see if I got a reply because if she did I would have gone insane. BUT I would not have continued any conversation at all. I know that 110% as Asa fact. I told myself that to. It was just to say hi

[DazedandConfused8]

That's not considered cheating?

 

No, not any more than speaking to in-person strippers.

[mightycpa]

2. I start freaking out wondering if I really cheated

3. I start becoming irrational

4. Irrational and I think and feel like I cheated

5. The feeling stays and is very hard to let go of

 

Ok, so it seems like at #2, you are still uncertain; debating, almost.

 

I think we need to drill down on #3. Of course you are irrational, I think everybody agrees about that.

 

So, I see two possibilities, but there might be more.

 

#1 - You take a logical approach, and you convince yourself that the accusation is correct. Walk me through your thinking.

 

or

 

#2 - You take an emotional approach, and you're more concerned with how you will be perceived. The mere accusation is proof enough that you are perceived to be a cheater, and so you buy in. Walk me through that too.

 

I have a followup question after.

[mammasita]

You're totally having an OCD episode. Chill out.

 

Seriously get a grip on reality and use some coping techniques to snap yourself out of this hole you're obviously in. I'm a bit OCD myself...self diagnosed but still a bit

 

I get you're in a loop. Seek some counseling because this can be a recurring theme and affect other areas of your life and relationships.

 

YOU DID NOT CHEAT.

[danny6]

No, not any more than speaking to in-person strippers.

 

So your saying this is like going to a strip club???

[danny6]

You're totally having an OCD episode. Chill out.

 

Seriously get a grip on reality and use some coping techniques to snap yourself out of this hole you're obviously in. I'm a bit OCD myself...self diagnosed but still a bit

 

I get you're in a loop. Seek some counseling because this can be a recurring theme and affect other areas of your life and relationships.

 

YOU DID NOT CHEAT.

 

Yeah I am in an ocd loop. I am diagnosed by a professional too

I hate ocd.

 

It's affected a lot of my life.

 

HATE IT

[Assasda]

I personally dont consider it cheating, but its not about me.

 

OP if you consider it cheating, and you devout so much emotion into it. Then yes, you are cheating.

[mammasita]

Yeah I am in an ocd loop. I am diagnosed by a professional too

I hate ocd.

 

It's affected a lot of my life.

 

HATE IT

Are you on medication? It helps immensely, as does cognitive behavior therapy. I know a lot of people are against medicating, but I've seen the benefits.

[danny6]

Are you on medication? It helps immensely, as does cognitive behavior therapy. I know a lot of people are against medicating, but I've seen the benefits.

 

Not anymore I didn't enjoy it. I handle it very well my ocd. I only have an episode like this once every like 2 or 3 months

[Sugar Magnolia]

If your gf is fine with it, then it's not cheating,,,,, but talking to strippers, bet she wouldn't feel the same about that.......chill danny