Litlikeamonument Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Hi everyone.. I need some advice or words of wisdom.. My boyfriend and I have been together for just under 3 years and have lived together for about a year and a half. He has a lot on his plate with work and paying the mortgage. At times I can be needy and demanding of his time, but overall I respect how hard he works and support him any way that I can. I pay all of our utilities, cook, clean, laundry, etc trying to make life as easy as possible for him. Our fights seem to always be small misunderstandings that turn into giant blowouts. For example, Sometimes I end up losing my cool and give him a hard time about working so much and not devoting any attention to our relationship. He doesn't see that I'm upset because I love him and want to spend time with him. He sees it as I don't appreciate him. Another common fight topic is that his family is disrespectful of our home - his niece makes our walls dirty, gets candy stuck to the floor, throws toilet water all over the bathroom etc. I've never said that I do not want his family to come over, only that I would like some sort of warning so I can be mentally prepared. He took it the wrong way and accused me of hating his family. The last time his family was over I was stern with his niece. If no one else will discipline her, then I'm going to have to, especially now that we have a very large dog and don't want to risk anything terrible happening. His mother claims she doesn't like how I talked to her and doesn't want to come over anymore. (Am I supposed to let toilet water be thrown all over my house?) Anyway we have tried to talk things out and seemed like we were on the right path, but whenever something unrelated happens that makes him unhappy he starts to fester and then tells me he is also not happy with us. I'm sure the logical answer to someone outside of the relationship is to move on, but that's not what I'm looking to do. I really think that our relationship can be saved with communication, but what I need to know is if anyone has any idea what I can do to lift his spirits and make him believe that things can get better between us. I was thinking about getting us tickets to an NFL game or somethjnf fun we could do for the day to remember why we fell in love in the first place. Any help or advice is appreciated <3
Author Litlikeamonument Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 I'm sorry in my emotional state I forgot to mention that he would like to end the relationship as he does not see things ever improving between us
BC1980 Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I'm sorry in my emotional state I forgot to mention that he would like to end the relationship as he does not see things ever improving between us There's nothing you can do. Once someone has made up their mind that it's over, they are completely done. His emotions are in another ballpark entirely. He's no longer on the same wave length as you. It's very hard to wrap your head around that concept, but it's the harsh truth.
Author Litlikeamonument Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 I should also mention that he has been contradictory - he will mention plans that we have for the weekend with my family and sound excited and then hours later be miserable again, since there is back and forth it leads me to believe they there is hope..
FailedFirstLove Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Give him his time and space. He seems overwhelmed. From his side he could be seeing you as controlling and constantly nagging. His already working and tired from all that. Coming home to more problems is probably wearing him down.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 14, 2014 Posted September 14, 2014 his niece makes our walls dirty, gets candy stuck to the floor, throws toilet water all over the bathroom etc. I've never said that I do not want his family to come over, only that I would like some sort of warning so I can be mentally prepared. He took it the wrong way and accused me of hating his family. The last time his family was over I was stern with his niece. If no one else will discipline her, then I'm going to have to, especially now that we have a very large dog and don't want to risk anything terrible happening. His mother claims she doesn't like how I talked to her and doesn't want to come over anymore. (Am I supposed to let toilet water be thrown all over my house?) How old is the niece? Mr. Lucky
Author Litlikeamonument Posted September 22, 2014 Author Posted September 22, 2014 Mr lucky she is almost 4 1/2.. Old enough not to behave this way..
Dontfindme Posted September 22, 2014 Posted September 22, 2014 I wouldn't worry too much about the niece right now. Think about yourself - if he already mentioned putting an end to your relationship, then I don't think there's any point in holding on. Going off of my own experience, my ex tried to break up twice before we actually did. I kept prolonging it. But there's no denying the inevitable. And those last few months, where I was holding on, were not great. The fact that he wanted the relationship to end bothered me greatly, and there was no faking the genuine stability, security, and happiness you feel before knowing something like that. Give yourself, and him, space and time to really reflect. Good luck to you.
Author Litlikeamonument Posted September 24, 2014 Author Posted September 24, 2014 Thanks everyone <3
Recommended Posts