emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 hey all... feeling low he doesnt want to be with me right now.. he called and we wud talk..we spoke to 3-4 days on regular basis... and now he goes like...i just wanna be single.. see..i am the only woman he has ever been with .. he wants to go out.. he says he just wants to be single.. he says if he doesnt go out and date others, we'll regret it.. i dotn know what to do... i really dont.......... he says i have irritated him so much by all my phone calls/text message etc. i dont know .. 5 years....... he says he wants to be single and he doesnt know how long it'll take for him to come back.. I know NC NC NC...but i end up breaking it..or he does... or hell just call to see...are u ok? and if i ask him if he is ok... he says no... i dont know...i just wish there is a earthquake that happens and i die in it. no i wont die , i am not that week.. but i want him back plz...give me tips on how to get him back. he wants to talk to me once in 2-3 days....thats all. i said no..either u talk to me everyday and try to work things out so that we are together...or else dont talk.. he said fine then i wont talk..coz right now i just wanna be single.. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Best thing I can tell you, is to believe him at his word.. He said you've annoyed him with the calls, text, emails.. believe him. He said he wants to be single and see other people.. again, believe him. If your hoping for another chance with him, then please for yourself.. leave him alone for now. He can't miss you if you won't go away. Hope you start feeling better soon:)
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 thanks merin.. i dont know what i wud do without you guys. i will do my best. did i do thr right thing by asking him not to call unless he wants to work things out and get back together? i dont know...i hope i did the right thing.
EC Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 If your hoping for another chance with him, then please for yourself.. leave him alone for now. He can't miss you if you won't go away. dITTO. Give him a chance to see what its like to really miss you. To not have you there constantly.
Merin Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup thanks merin.. i dont know what i wud do without you guys. i will do my best. did i do thr right thing by asking him not to call unless he wants to work things out and get back together? i dont know...i hope i did the right thing. IF thats how you feel, then yes you did the right thing. Sometimes trying to remain *Friends* after a bad break up just isn't possible at that time.. there are to many hurt feelings and honestly.. you're not seeing him as just a friend right now.. so yeah.. it can hurt. So if you feel that you cannot handle him calling to check on you as a *friend* and only can accept something more from him at this time.. then absolutely you did the right thing in doing what is going to be okay for you. Hang in there
Pocky Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Things are going to suck and you're going to be on an emotional roller coaster for some time. You're going to have good days and you're going to have bad days and when you need to vent or talk then you have this board as an outlet. But this board can only help you so much when you won't help yourself. We have told you over and over what to do and you don't follow those suggestions. You have no excuses for not following no contact. You still haven't changed your phone number and you're still "playing" his victim. We've given you advice, we've listened to your problems and we tried to convey our concern for your well-being. However, it's time you cut the crap. Stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to use you. He plays you like a god damn fiddle and you let him. And if my post comes across as being frustrated it's because I am. Because I know that every single person, and that includes you, is capable of standing on their own two feet and there's no reason why you should allow him to do this to you.
greenhorn Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky And if my post comes across as being frustrated it's because I am. Because I know that every single person, and that includes you, is capable of standing on their own two feet and there's no reason why you should allow him to do this to you. Pocky is correct !
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Well, Pocky, I am not always strong. Sometimes I'm afraid to be strong . i just want... I don't know. What I'm trying to say is that people have their own ways of dealing with pain, with their problems. To us, the unimplied audience, it's as clear as the sky. To her, it may be impossible to decide. I'm not encouraging her to sink deeper. I simply try to give her a solid point so that she can hang on to it. Talk about how you feel. Talk about why you're unable to let go. Tell us what exactly you're afraid. Go deeper in your soul, find it and maybe after that you'll be able to face it. Just ... do something about it. Inside, if outside you're not strong enough.
greenhorn Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam Well, Pocky, I am not always strong. Sometimes I'm afraid to be strong . i just want... I don't know. What I'm trying to say is that people have their own ways of dealing with pain, with their problems. To us, the unimplied audience, it's as clear as the sky. To her, it may be impossible to decide. I'm not encouraging her to sink deeper. I simply try to give her a solid point so that she can hang on to it. Talk about how you feel. Talk about why you're unable to let go. Tell us what exactly you're afraid. Go deeper in your soul, find it and maybe after that you'll be able to face it. Just ... do something about it. Inside, if outside you're not strong enough. Ok Curly ..i tell you the point..see if you feel dejected then you think of breakup and again you talk may be things are good for a day and again you feel low..so what is this..isnt the onus on you to come out of this.. If you have no contact and then you feel low its quite human but why to go back to same state again and again whats the use..one should really realise when relationships have become deadwood.. Its of no use to think sane one day and go back to same way of life next day...
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Us, humans, are funny creatures. Have a strong dislike for change. Ever tried to change an old routine? I mean real old? Of course she should take a position, but I think she should be convinced she must do it. Us telling to just ain't good enough. Because you need a whole lotta energy to break the habits. Especially since these habits involve another person. Maybe it's a sort of codependence. MAybe indeed it's not sane. She hardly ever talks about how she feels. About why she keeps coming back to him. I think that she doesn't know herslf well and she fears being all alone. The devil we know being less scarier than the perfection we don't. The band aid policy doesn't apply to everyone. That's all I'm saying. I am saying that if she wants to grow out of this situation, she needs to talk about it. To open up. That's what girls do when searching for a way out. And then it comes to them. They feel/see/sense it. And only after that do they have the courage to go out there and do something about it. Because they know. Because they sought it in their heart. My 2 cents, Curly
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 It was really really deep u know. He was my first..I was hsi first.. together 5 years... always there...Spok to each other before sleeping every single day. Every single day. He is good looking..so am I. I will never get those eyes out of my soul. Always there as a person when I needed him. Maybe not always there as a lover. I always expected more out of him as a lover.. I wanted gifts, I wanted new compliments every day. I wanted him to meet me more often. Wanted more commitment. All he wants is a change..I guess in showing him i expected more, I irritated him. But he a nice guy. He may not have money, he may sometimes speak without thinking...but he is a nice guy. I always got respect from him as a human being. But later, he got tired of me. I fee like maybe I ruined it all. But always being there. Not letting him miss me. calling him 100 times a day. Even now if i dont call him, he calls me every 3rd day just coz he misses me. and why not. I am a good person. Yes, I got irritating at times coz of all the phone calls..but I loved him so deeply... I want it to work out, coz I feel right with him. Coz when he 'wanted to' keep me happy, he would. I want it to work out coz i have 6 precious years with him. Yes, I want it to work out so badly. And I have tried everything from drinking to sleeping with another man..to reading books...to keeping myself busy...but no...I cannot get over him. He misses me, He says it. I miss him too. I am scared if I walk out now, it'll be broken for good. I'll never see or hear from him. No I dont think anybody could be more perfect for me than him ever. Financially maybe..emotionally, never.
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 The thing is, pretty girl, that people grow apart. They change. Maybe you've grown differently. Maybe he has. The only truth is that you cannot make someone love you the same way you love them. Or the way you want to be loved. I know it's scary out there. I was terrified when I first left my bf. It's a whole new world, full of new smells and people and sensation, but a new world where you are utterly alone. That's the big price you have to pay. I must ask you: is it him or the thought of losing him that terrifies you? What is it exactly that you love so much in him?
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 u dont need a reason to love someone.. why do i love him.. he is loveable.. the thought of losing him terrifies me... the thought that i have already lost him..
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Sorry for being so vague. When I left my ex, he knew me by heart. Knew everything about me. Wecould talk for hours. We would do everything together. We were worse than Siamese cats, LOOL. I get what you mean. What I think is this: you never really lose someone. If you love them and if that person love you, I think that he'll come back. You can't stop someone from growing, pretty girl. If he wants to leave, maybe it is indeed better if he left. For him. And if indeed you love him, you shall let him go. Because it is better for him. You were saying that you were demanding more from him. MAybe... maybe you should let him be. Because you love him. Do you see what i mean?
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 lol yea i just try to find humour in the stupidest things.. like when a guy is having sex with me..its like doing a joker
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Girl, I could be missing something in the language.... but you sure are one of a kind! Doing a joker, OMG, never heard that one before
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 i am one of a kind.. my face will tell the entire story even before i open my mouth to respond to someone.. oh well... i try coz u know in the corporate world...u really shudnt have any expressions...but me i am overrrrrrrrrrr expressive
CurlyIam Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Lol, me too! I get that from my mother. It's so funny to watch it with her... probably less funny, 'cause I soooo inherited it. Well, that's a given, I cannot change my genes, so we'll have to do with it! Not like we have a choice, you know?
jc Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 Hi emotionsmessme up, I've been following your story for a while and I thought I'd write to you because I was in a similar situation this summer. My bf and I were together for 2 years and I was his first gf ever. He broke up with me and broke my heart into a million pieces and I could not keep it together. I called him all the time, I cried, he would get annoyed, but then if I didn't call for a few days, he would email me to say that he missed me and cared about me and wanted to see how I was doing. We did that for 6 months...6 MONTHS of missing him, crying over him, wanting him, pleading with him, then backing off from him so he would come after me and finally we got back together and then broke up again for good 2 months later. There is one single truth that you can never change...you cannot cannot cannot make someone love you the way that you love them. Even as I write this, I feel unbearably sad, bc I still love him and I know that he does not love me back the way I want him to. What I want to say to you is, please be strong, please believe in yourself, please listen to everyone on this forum who is telling you to let him go. I will be the hardest thing you ever have to do and the most healthy, strong thing for you. When Colin broke up with in the summer, I had to quit my job b/c I could not stop crying. I moved to another city to live with my dad because I knew that if I stayed in the same city as him, I would call him, drive by his house, stop by....And even when I moved away, we talked on the phone, we emailed, he would come to see me....don't do this, don't do what I did. It's been 9 months since the summer and I'm only just finally letting go. I've been NC for 2 weeks, and even though I am sad it is the best thing for me. I finally had to kill all hope and let him go, because when it comes down to it, you have to be selfish, you have to care about yourself first. And finally, let me tell you one last thing that I really believe. I thought the same way as you for a long time...if I let him go and didn't talk to him, he would forget about me and move on with his life and we'd never get back together, etc. But letting him go right now, as of this moment, is the only way that your relationship will ever have a chance of making it in the long run. I hung on, and yes we got back together, but it didn't work. I ended up breaking up with him b/c of the broken trust, b/c things hadn't changed (and how could they? I never gave myself or him the time to change), b/c I loved him too much and he didn't love me enough. Don't do what I did. Let him go, for him, for yourself. Be on your own, as scary as this is (and it is scary at first). Let him go for at least a few months. And if he comes back (and if you even want him to at this point), then you guys might be ready to make it work. If he comes back right now, he will resent you for not giving him the time to sort himself out and you will always be afraid that he will leave you again. Please trust me on this, I did everything wrong and I see you going down the same path that I did. And one final thing, you'll read this and think, "well my situation is different; we're really in love; he's not like that" ...that's what I thought too when everyone gave me the same advice they're giving you. Look around this forum, you're situation is not that different, we're all really in love (otherwise we wouldn't be hurting so badly), and he is like this (he already told you how he feels, you need the strength to believe him)
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 thx jk for ur advice..no i dont think my situation is any different and i also understand that if i dont give him to sort thngs out now we will regret it for the rest of our lives..coz the next if at we get back together wud be marriage and we both know that... i hv decided to let him go... i dont know about the NC..at this point he doesnt want NC... he just wants to mk sure i am ok..coz he knows exactly wht i am going thru..but i will probably insist on nc.. i hv told him..i calmed down a bit today...god i know i am gonna start pmsing again in 4 days...and thats when i have the toughest time controlling myself. i know he needs to chnge n so do i... so i have decided to be calm and as much as it migh hurt let him be but i need everyones wishes and luck. coz i am letting him go but i still have hope..not for today but i have hope for 6 months from now. well...ofcourse i m gonna give an everydayy update.i m even going to see a shrink.. oh i got to see n probably do my fwb today
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