letsplaygofish2 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I started dating someone exclusively in June, but we broke up 1.5 times in August due to a knee jerk reaction on his part (insecure, communication etc), but I was always sweet and understanding even though he didn't think we were compatible at that time due to some personal issues we were both going through. We parted amicably. We ended up getting back together 2 weeks later because we missed hanging out together and it seemed that some of the issues were resolved through our amicable parting. We agreed to just have fun and see where it goes, he even said I could date other people if I wanted but he knew that we'd be together. I am not dating other people. We've been having fun ever since, but never discussed exclusivity again. On Monday, he casually invited me over for dinner where I met his mother during her visit from out of town. It went swimmingly. So - my question is, what the hell are we? We never had the BF/GF talk. Should I ask? I don't care about the title but some clarification really would help.
evanescentworld Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Bluntly? How on earth would we know?! It's time to have that "Are we exclusive?" talk again. If you have issues in the future, I would recommend Counselling. At least if you saw enough in one another, last time, to try again, it seems worth salvaging if you hit an apparent wall in future. Get together, and talk!
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Well, don't you think the guy should be the one to clarify? If a girl approaches it, it may come off needy or something.
evanescentworld Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 No. You're the one wondering. He isn't. He may carry on complacently, and lull you into thinking and assuming everything is 'on' between you two, then suddenly lay it on you that he's going on a hot date with another girl one evening... How would that make you feel? It seems to be an habitual theme on here that (and I'm not saying this is necessarily the case with you) many women get into a committed relationship with guys... then wait for ever for the "Will you marry me?" question, only to be taken completely by surprise to find that, hey, the guy's quite happy with the way things are, why fix it if it ain't broke, they're perfectly contented to carry on as normal, and what's all the fuss about? YOU'RE the one who's unsure. YOU'RE the one who's going to have to clarify. If you consider that the move is 'his job' - then I think you may be in for a long wait.... while he takes it for granted that everything is running on cool..... 1
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Well put. Got it. Thanks!
mightycpa Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 You seem to be dating very casually. I don't think you have any commitments.
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Let me clarify. We broke up for .5 (half a day) because I yelled at him for dissing me while he was watching a tv show. He didn't like that I spoke my mind about his TV habits because he's been single for a while... but we resolved that. When we first started dating, I said I wanted to date around to see what's out there. He wanted to get serious with me. After about a week, I realized that the pool of men out there was pretty sad looking so I agreed to go exclusive. When we got back together, he wanted me to be comfortable even if it meant I could date other people if I wanted. But he made it clear he isn't seeing other people. If we aren't serious then why would I have met his mother?
mightycpa Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Because she happened to be in town. Who knows when you might meet her next. I'm not saying he doesn't like you, but I am saying IF YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY COMMITMENT. At best, each of you have expectations that the other is not sure about. Let's hope that they coincide. What do you think you should do to clear up this situation?
MissBee Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Just ask. I find it ludicrous that there is such a taboo about asking but people obviously care, want to know and spend time asking other people who can't possibly know. It is perfectly reasonable and sane to want to know the status of your relationship. On the other hand it is insane to just be randomly going along not knowing what's what, pretending you don't mind yet you have to ask others and clearly you're actually concerned. Ask him. 1
Author letsplaygofish2 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 He did. Not me, I just spoke my mind like any normal human being should communicate. I can't say that all men are superior communicators...
mightycpa Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Just ask....Ask him. Gold Star, MissBee!
evanescentworld Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 He did. Not me, I just spoke my mind like any normal human being should communicate. I can't say that all men are superior communicators... (Understatement of the week.... )
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I started dating someone exclusively in June, but we broke up 1.5 times in August due to a knee jerk reaction on his part (insecure, communication etc), but I was always sweet and understanding even though he didn't think we were compatible at that time due to some personal issues we were both going through. We parted amicably. We ended up getting back together 2 weeks later because we missed hanging out together and it seemed that some of the issues were resolved through our amicable parting. We agreed to just have fun and see where it goes, he even said I could date other people if I wanted but he knew that we'd be together. I am not dating other people. We've been having fun ever since, but never discussed exclusivity again. On Monday, he casually invited me over for dinner where I met his mother during her visit from out of town. It went swimmingly. So - my question is, what the hell are we? We never had the BF/GF talk. Should I ask? I don't care about the title but some clarification really would help. You obviously care or you wouldn't ask. Since you haven't had a firm discussion - no, you're not official. He's just asked you over for dinner - don't read into things so much.
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Let me clarify. We broke up for .5 (half a day) because I yelled at him for dissing me while he was watching a tv show. He didn't like that I spoke my mind about his TV habits because he's been single for a while... but we resolved that. When we first started dating, I said I wanted to date around to see what's out there. He wanted to get serious with me. After about a week, I realized that the pool of men out there was pretty sad looking so I agreed to go exclusive. When we got back together, he wanted me to be comfortable even if it meant I could date other people if I wanted. But he made it clear he isn't seeing other people. If we aren't serious then why would I have met his mother? Do you realize you've expressed to him that he's good enough for now - but you intend to keep looking for someone better? Poor guy for participating further.
evanescentworld Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Do you realize you've expressed to him that he's good enough for now - but you intend to keep looking for someone better? Poor guy for participating further. No: He suggested she was free to multi-date. She didn't. SHE'S the one who seems to be 'settling'.....
beach Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Let me clarify. We broke up for .5 (half a day) because I yelled at him for dissing me while he was watching a tv show. He didn't like that I spoke my mind about his TV habits because he's been single for a while... but we resolved that. When we first started dating, I said I wanted to date around to see what's out there. He wanted to get serious with me. After about a week, I realized that the pool of men out there was pretty sad looking so I agreed to go exclusive. When we got back together, he wanted me to be comfortable even if it meant I could date other people if I wanted. But he made it clear he isn't seeing other people. If we aren't serious then why would I have met his mother? No: He suggested she was free to multi-date. She didn't. SHE'S the one who seems to be 'settling'..... She originally told him she needed to see what else is out there. He agreed to that. Terrible dynamics happening between these two.
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