d'Arthez Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by Rick5478 And NO, I didn't do anything to deserve it. And I don't need anybody's advice about what I should've done. I'm not going to torture myself like every other guy on here. Maybe therein lies the answer for you Rick.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 The reason I don't talk about my personal life is because I don't need your opinions SO why come here and spout out your anger? DO you really think they want YOUR opinion Rick? I was cheated on, we broke up within 5 minutes of our discussion. I kicked her out, changed my number, and the bitch is out of my life for good. And NO, I didn't do anything to deserve it. And I don't need anybody's advice about what I should've done. I'm not going to torture myself like every other guy on here. OK then. Get over it. Stop lurking about. ALL and ANYTHING you have said has been mean, rude and to make yourself feel better. NOTHING you have added on threads in the past few days really have helped anybody so why bother?? What are YOU getting out of this except venting your own anger out?! Get a therapist buddy. You need to deal with your anger problems.
Author veryremorseful Posted March 13, 2005 Author Posted March 13, 2005 Rick, I won't advise you because I don't like anybody advising me. I won't even say that you made a mistake in breaking up because I don't know your situation. I just will share with you two thoughts that influenced my decision. First, we have an illusion of being in perfect control of life, that we just do what we intend to do. But in reality we never have complete control of our lives. We are a slave of our emotions and instincts (insecurity, sadness, relief etc.) and our environment (i.e., friends, relatives etc.). Second, I am not Jesus Christ, but I am willing to forgive the first mistake. Because it is easier to break things than to make it.
Rick5478 Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 You can't control everything but you can control whether you are faithful or not. That's all I'm saying.
d'Arthez Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 And you need 5 posts, Rick, just for making this simple point, which cannot be changed anymore? It would be like advising a woman had to take an abortion, when she already has given birth to a child with a disability. It is insulting, it is hurtful, and most of all not constructive help to a human in this situation. The past cannot be changed, and the anger you display only proves that you are still resentful over that. If this is the "real Rick", I can understand the reasons why your ex cheated on you.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 And you need 5 posts, Rick, just for making this simple point, which cannot be changed anymore? It would be like advising a woman had to take an abortion, when she already has given birth to a child with a disability. It is insulting, it is hurtful, and most of all not constructive help to a human in this situation. The past cannot be changed, and the anger you display only proves that you are still resentful over that. If this is the "real Rick", I can understand the reasons why your ex cheated on you. Good to see that others are starting to lose patience with Rick. I keep suggesting he post about his own life and stop giving his opinion/thoughts on threads as somewhere else he mentioned he does NOT want to be told what to do with his life or have anybody give him advice. I dont understand why then he would think others want his advice/thoughts since MOST of the time he is rude, inconsiderate and honestly acting like a mean jerk!
lilmoma1973 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Hey all , Sorry to tell you Rick that there are women out there that don't cheat .. i am one!! Never had and never wanted to!! i was cheated on and never deserved it happens to the best of us.. thats the chance we take when you love someone!! hang in there vr it could have been worst .. she could have had sex !! it will be hard and it is so hard to believe anything they say or do but you stick it out if you love the person!! good luck
sami Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 No one will want or plan for an affair to happen. One things leads to another leaving behind a puzzle" I don't know how I got there.
lilmoma1973 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Hey Sami, maybe that applies to you but i totally disagree.. it is called willpower.. my h and i have had our ups and downs and i never cheated.. its been really bad to the point where little communication or affection.. but i hung in there and still with him.. been together for 13 yrs and never wanted to not once!!
li'l bunny Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I would have to say it depended on the person and the situation. There are factors that contribute to affairs. People who haven't gone through the emotional difficulties of giving birth would never understand for example the lack of self-esteem, lack of confidence many women feel after birth, not to mention post natal depression which is far more common than people think. I had a friend who did cheat on her H and it was after her first child and it was because of all of the above. She was so low after she gave birth that she just clung to any attention, anything that made her feel good. Obviously this is selfish but I think it was desperation, she was looking for a life line. Of course it's not right what she did but her H understood mhy she did it and they now have a great marriage. He was a lot more understanding following all her other births and they haven't had any problems. I'd also like to say that when you amrry someone and have children with them they become your family. If your sibling or your mum or dad etc made a mistake would you automatically hate them, and kick them out of your life forever?? I don't think you would. I know I certainly wouldn't. Well the same goes for your spouse. They can make mistakes. It's only when or if they don't learn from their mistakes that things are very seriously in trouble. Just MHO. I feel very strongly that though those cheating spouses broke the vow of fidelity or faithfulness, what about the vow of 'for better or worse'??????
Rick5478 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 If women need attention then why don't they talk to their husbands first. If he's not giving her the attention, get a divorce. What does taking your clothes off and screwing another man have to do with attention. That's a lot different then having a conversation which you could also get attention. To me it has nothing to do with attention. Your friend wanted to get laid, she did, end of story.
li'l bunny Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Oh dear. We're obviously not going to get through to you. It's really not as black and white or as simple as you make out. When people have one night stand affairs they are often not looking for it. Ah geez, I'm not going to try to explain it to you. All I know is that my friend was incredibly remorseful, hasn't even talked to a guy on her own since and their marriage is great. Anyway, despite your opinions on what these women have done, they are here for support because they WANT to make things right. They can't change the past but they can the future. They are looking for advice on how to make things better so if you don't have anything productive to say, don't say anything at all.
Rabbit Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 i have been reading along, quite shocked at the seeming arogance and snap-judementality of one particular Rick-head. It's clear he's on a wind-up, so I suggest we all stop feeding him reaction. Ignore his posts and maybe he'll turn his attention somewhere else. Or take a good look in the mirror.
Marshbear Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Rick, Your anger obviously tells us that you are not over your ex. You might think you took control and kicked the bit*h out but she is still with you. Anger will eat at you and consume you and make your whole world one big pile of s***. You need to forgive your ex to move on with your life. Until you become indifferent to her she will be with you. It is a hard thing to forgive but necessary to get to the next step. You want control of your life, forgive your ex and you will have control...
michelangelo Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 And admitedly that may be hard to do. However, once you do and ignore the hyperbolic parts of his postings you will see a kernel of truth to what he says.
wanting to heal Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 This post is about VR and Mr. VR. Rick sits in judgement. He is hurt, but it is not about him. I somewhat understand that because my wife had a one night stand. Mr. VR. -- Be glad that your wife told you. This is honesty. I had to catch my wife, in fact we were so fat apart that I put a tracking device on her car. I will never know if she would have confessed. I think she would have, but I caught her first. VR is your wife's code name. That says it all. She really sounds sorry. Please accept that. If you are really best friends then she needs you to be that. And right now, when it is tough. Do not drive her away if she loves you. Let her make it up to you. She sees her tryst as an affair, even though it was really only emotional. Most people would just rationalize a kiss as a little mistake, but it is a big deal to your wife. Can you see that she is scared? My wife banged a guy. Not just kissed. My daughter knows. Damn, it hurt. Learning to forgive and look insied my wife's heart has shown me a lot about myself. She was drunk and she hates herself for it. Don't pile it on. She will appreciate it, and she has already told us all how much you mean to her. Forgiving is just learning to forget over and over again.
wanting to heal Posted May 6, 2005 Posted May 6, 2005 to the husband of VR. Treat your wife like a tramp long enough and she may start to believe you. I know you have been hurt. Start to heal, but you have to let yourself. She sounds way too good to lose. Let her make amends and be glad it was only a kiss. I have dealt with much more, but it is not a contest. It does not sound like she has ANY DESIRE to do anything like that again. That is a compliment to your and your marriage. Realize that.
JennySmile Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 You are really medieval! How two of you can obsess about something as simple as a kiss!!!!! People get attracted to each other, you're not supposed to suddenly lose all senses just because you're married. As for the guy's offer to have sex, it's so ordinary it hurts. I'm married, and i have a lot of friends. Many of them are men as well, and from time to time they'll "test" you with what seems like a joke or offer sex etc. and then you just say no, no matter how drunk you are. Once you've said yes you move right away to the "easy lay" category and forget about friendship, it's never going to be the same. And i'd be mad at my husband if he tortured me with question about a KISS, for god's sake, for that long, and not questions on what it is that he's not giving you that you're searching in other places for... Just my two cents
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