Heavy1976 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Hi all, I'm 38 have had 2 serious relationships in my life one which I I was in a marriage for 9 years before that ended. I meet the most amazing woman through a friend of many years who blew my mind. We chatted on fb for a couple of nights ( I had meet her in person a couple of times before that at my friends house) before I gave her my number. Now I was not ready for a relationship and was very happy to just have her as a friend, but all that changed pretty quickly as the more time we spent together the more we liked each other more than friends. When we finally kissed, what can I say. It was the most amazing kiss ever. A few months after spending time with her I told her I had feeling for her, her response was to run. She has 2 kids and was hurt big time by her ex but had not been with him for nearly 5 years before we meet. Over time she would always come back to me and hang out and make out even though we we not in a relationship. I had a melt down, she was not talking to me and I lied about something I saw that effected me. It was not intentional as I was hurting knowing she had feelings for me too (all her friends had told me). She found out it was a lie and I ended up in the mental health ward due to depression. She came to visit me one day and said that things are going to change. She wanted me to be in her life amd she knows it was not me thinking straight when I said what I saw. When I got out I went out with a long time friend, I didn't drink at all as I was on antidpressiants and was driving too. She ended up turning up at the same place we were at with our friend who we meet through. We all got into my car and went to the beach where the others went down to the water and we sat in the back seat talking as she was crying. We talked for hours, she confessed she had feelings for me more than friends but that she had opened her heart and I hurt her with the lie. After that night we msg each other the rest of the weekend and ended up meeting together at the shops where we kissed each other for 30mins in the car park. We decided that we would give this a go, so we did. It has been the most fantastic 14 months I have spent with anybody. She always said that the kids are her world and they would always come first which I understand as I too have 2 children. Things have been great, we have been on holidays together, talked about our future and even about getting married. Things changed over the past few months, her parent live in a granny flat out the back and one of her brothers moved in after being kicked out of the house he was living in. The parents are ok, they forget that it is her house and just do things without asking which gets on her nerves. The brother was only meant to be there for a short time but has now pitched a tent in the backyard and has no intention of moving as his mother will stick up for him when we ask him to move out saying he has nowhere to go. He is a slob, lazy doesn't pay for anything and doesn't help out at all. Well we have been talking of late about me moving in with her and her kids. We spoke about when it was going to take place and even how we were going to change the house around so it was our place. That talk had died down over the past 2 months so I asked her tonight what was going on. Well the response just stunned me, "I feel I need time for myself and the kids. They are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss out on that". Her daughter is 10 and in a couple of years as she stated she will want to hang around with friends instead of me. I asked what does this mean for you and me??? Her response " I love you, you mean the world to me and I know you would do anything for me but I just need time at the moment". She is stressed because of her brother being a sponge which I have explained to her many times and so has other family members including her father that you need to kick him out. She trust me completely, I have looked after her children by myself when she has gone out with her friends for a night out. I clean the house, I am romantic to her still (surprised her once but sneaking a rose on a plane under my clothing and giving it to her mid flight at the front of the plane when they called her up). She has said that I'm the most amazing person she has ever meet and that she just needs a little space to sort her crap out. She said that things could change we could end back up together. I am finding this all very hard to understand as everything has been great, we have never even had a big fight, she even had her way with me the night before in bed. I know she wants me in her life but she needs to work out her issues which I don't believe is about the kids bit more her brother and mother problems. I'm going to talk to one of her other brothers who she is close too as he might be able to give me some advice about all this.
Strength in Healing Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 She trust me completely, I have looked after her children by myself when she has gone out with her friends for a night out. I clean the house, I am romantic to her still (surprised her once but sneaking a rose on a plane under my clothing and giving it to her mid flight at the front of the plane when they called her up) My opinion is she cheated.
Author Heavy1976 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 My opinion is she cheated. No nothing like that at all. We both have been cheated on in previous relationships and we both would never do that to each other. Forgot to add when we said goodbye we hugged for a long time and we even had a passionate kiss.
Strength in Healing Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 The only thing you can trust crazy to be is crazy. I wouldn't contact her brother. You can't use some magic words to bring her back. She either comes of her own free will or she never will come at all. Stay strong, and go no contact. That means don't answer calls, don't answer texts, etc, unless they say they want to give it another shot.
frigginlost Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Agree with Strength in Healing. She either has cheated or there is somebody else in the mix...
Author Heavy1976 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 The only thing you can trust crazy to be is crazy. I wouldn't contact her brother. You can't use some magic words to bring her back. She either comes of her own free will or she never will come at all. Stay strong, and go no contact. That means don't answer calls, don't answer texts, etc, unless they say they want to give it another shot. Not looking or using any magic words. Just trying to get an insight as to why she is the way she is. I do know that one of her friends has stated before that the brother living at her house caused problems last time her was living there. She told me she would never get herself in the same area she is in now with her brother but it has. The under lying problem is her brother but why push me when she had relied so much on me in the last 2 years that we have known each other.
Author Heavy1976 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 UPDATE: So the reason behind all this is stress. She is at breaking point with her family that live with her and when she cracks she doesn't want me to be the person she loses her crap with and hurt me causing a fight with us. I'm going to give her the time and space she requires so she can sort it all out but I have encouraged her to see her doctor as well.
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