strach Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 So my very good friend who long story short earlier in the summer moved on because i was too shy to ask her out, admitted that she still had feelings for me and broke up with her bf 2 days before she told me (not just because of me, they fought a lot). Anyways she left for school (18 hours away) and has been gone for a couple weeks now. We hung out the night before she left, watched a movie, cuddled, went for a walk, held hands and got a little peck in before I left. Since then we’ve texted every day and had some pretty good conversations about how we feel about each other, how were there for each other and what we’re going to do when she’s back for winter break/first real date. But we aren't technically an official couple yet. Since we never had time to connect on an emotional level as anything more than friends, im in a little confusing position. Now we text everyday about our day and random stuff usually not getting too personal other than "miss you's" and "wish you were here's" but should it be more than that? We plan to skype really soon and hopefully will start doing that more than once every couple weeks. I really like her a lot, even almost at love and i'm actually okay with how everything has been going because I know things between us will pick up and go quickly once shes home in 3 months but i'm more concerned about her thoughts if maybe she is expecting more from me right now. I know were not technically in a relationship yet which makes this situation a little strange. Any thoughts on this from experienced ldr people would be great. Thanks.
d0nnivain Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 It's incredibly difficult to maintain an LDR in college. The world in changing too fast & there are too many new things to explore. Keep talking to her. See each other when you are both home but don't expect much beyond that & be very reluctant to get into a committed exclusive relationship now.
Author strach Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 I get that, but its not like were just going into college. Were both in 3rd year and knew what we were getting into. And we already agreed wed be exclusive. We both plan to work hard to make this work. Like this isint just some random girl i met recently, its one of my closest friends from high school. It's incredibly difficult to maintain an LDR in college. The world in changing too fast & there are too many new things to explore. Keep talking to her. See each other when you are both home but don't expect much beyond that & be very reluctant to get into a committed exclusive relationship now.
d0nnivain Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 If you are so sure, then what is your Q? If you Q is whether texting alone is enough, I'd have to say No. Throw in a few actual phone calls, some social media, perhaps Skype or facetime & even some snail mail if you hope to solidify this. The fact that you couldn't seal the deal in person before parting for school still makes me think that waiting until next summer when you can build something while together would be a good idea but maybe you two are the types that need this distance to overcome your own shyness & get to know each other in this new context. 1
Author strach Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Well I couldn't before she left because she literally told me the day before she left. And I just meant texting until December when shes home for 2 weeks then well obviously have to do more, even though 2 weeks is still not enough. But ya we are going to skype soon and hopefully a couple more times before December. I think were both patient and optimistic to seeing where this goes. Thanks for answering.
chados Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 i've been doing this for a long time. its important that when you dont have time together you know most of the things the other person is up to. as long as you trust each other and you make sure the other one know that you're there for them when they need you things can turn out good. if you really believe that it will work and she believe it then it will. whenever someone have doubts it can be tricky. dont worry about things you cant control. just be yourself and invest equally in the relationship. 1
Author strach Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 I try to but dont want to be too nosy ya know? But we definitely trust each other, at least I hope she trusts me haha. Thanks for answering i've been doing this for a long time. its important that when you dont have time together you know most of the things the other person is up to. as long as you trust each other and you make sure the other one know that you're there for them when they need you things can turn out good. if you really believe that it will work and she believe it then it will. whenever someone have doubts it can be tricky. dont worry about things you cant control. just be yourself and invest equally in the relationship.
chados Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 I try to but dont want to be too nosy ya know? But we definitely trust each other, at least I hope she trusts me haha. Thanks for answering no and thats absolutely the right way of thinking. however.. theres a big difference between being nosy and being interested. sometimes you dont have to ask but instead let the other one share what they are doing. its just something i think its important in a long distance relationship. trust me even though im the least jealous guy in the world and i trust her more then anyone else, i wouldnt want her to be out clubbing without me having any clue about it. at least text and then text when you get back home. it shows that you care and that you're not hiding things from each other. now if you go out to buy food its a whole different story. i live in a village and if i go to buy fruit i dont need to text her that. if i go out late at night with friends drinking i will tell her. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 when i was long distance i used to spice it up by doing random things...unexpected....out of the normal routine of the day, as did he, he would surprise me with a song.......that reminded him of me.....or a quick phone call just to say thinking of you or i would get a knock on the door and it would be a huge bunch of wild flowers delivery...he would send me cassette tapes of songs he loved for me........i would send him....well personal stuff...poetry .....and other things....he would send me a t shirt he had worn......and i would wear it to bed.....i really missed him when he went away......some of these little random things meant a whole load of things....to me ...to him......we aren't together now......but we lasted a very long time long distance...and it was pure fight and effort to keep it......it went on for years......when i said i couldnt take it anymore........we made the move to put us together....or i made the move...... in my opinion....if you want it to work long distance ....more effort will be needed than texting.....it can be done ...both of you have to be willing to fight for it to work.do what you have to do ...skyping sounds like a good idea........deb 1
chados Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 when i was long distance i used to spice it up by doing random things...unexpected....out of the normal routine of the day, as did he, he would surprise me with a song.......that reminded him of me.....or a quick phone call just to say thinking of you or i would get a knock on the door and it would be a huge bunch of wild flowers delivery...he would send me cassette tapes of songs he loved for me........i would send him....well personal stuff...poetry .....and other things....he would send me a t shirt he had worn......and i would wear it to bed.....i really missed him when he went away......some of these little random things meant a whole load of things....to me ...to him......we aren't together now......but we lasted a very long time long distance...and it was pure fight and effort to keep it......it went on for years......when i said i couldnt take it anymore........we made the move to put us together....or i made the move...... in my opinion....if you want it to work long distance ....more effort will be needed than texting.....it can be done ...both of you have to be willing to fight for it to work.do what you have to do ...skyping sounds like a good idea........deb yes and to make sure both people take the oppurtunity to skype or visit when they can. that both show that they want it to work out. its so easy when they arent with you that one person starts to invest more then the other. making one person take the other for granted. but of course that happens in every relationship from time to time. just feel that its more important to invest equally in a long distance. 1
Author strach Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Oh ya i know we'll need more than texting eventually. Idk if its too soon to send flowers but was considering it because shes been having a hard time adjusting to living alone and cooking for herself. Thanks for the advice when i was long distance i used to spice it up by doing random things...unexpected....out of the normal routine of the day, as did he, he would surprise me with a song.......that reminded him of me.....or a quick phone call just to say thinking of you or i would get a knock on the door and it would be a huge bunch of wild flowers delivery...he would send me cassette tapes of songs he loved for me........i would send him....well personal stuff...poetry .....and other things....he would send me a t shirt he had worn......and i would wear it to bed.....i really missed him when he went away......some of these little random things meant a whole load of things....to me ...to him......we aren't together now......but we lasted a very long time long distance...and it was pure fight and effort to keep it......it went on for years......when i said i couldnt take it anymore........we made the move to put us together....or i made the move...... in my opinion....if you want it to work long distance ....more effort will be needed than texting.....it can be done ...both of you have to be willing to fight for it to work.do what you have to do ...skyping sounds like a good idea........deb
chados Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Oh ya i know we'll need more than texting eventually. Idk if its too soon to send flowers but was considering it because shes been having a hard time adjusting to living alone and cooking for herself. Thanks for the advice if flowers will scare her away then you should be worried:) i think its a nice thing to do. maybe leave a short note, just dont go overboard with that. make it nice and simple
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