Hope Shimmers Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 All of your questions about him in your first post and thereafter clearly show that you are much more involved than just a "crush" on a friend. You are clearly spending a great deal of time on him still, in terms of thinking of it. His communications to you show that he does not want involvement. Sorry but it does - in my opinion. Resist the urge to psychoanalyze his responses or lack thereof. Men are simple. His responses to you indicate very little interest in you. I hope you move on. Every text or other communication you send him at this point just makes you look more needy and vulnerable.
Author TamTingy Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 I'm determined to stick with NC. When we were in constant contact, I wasn't clingy at all, but as soon as he started ignoring a bulk of my messages, it drove me nuts. I don't understand why HE was the one to suggest hanging out, saying we should do it soon, and basically danging a carrot in front of my face. Then, when I went for it, he pulled back. I'm spending less time "psychoanalyzing" him. He's still a constant hum in the back of my mind, but if he's smart and can see things from other peoples' points of view, then he knows I don't hate him for anything he did. I just hope he mans up one day and allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable and not avoidant.
Zahara Posted September 12, 2014 Posted September 12, 2014 (edited) When we were in constant contact, I wasn't clingy at all, That's because after he ended it with you, contact didn't allow you to actually feel the aftermath of an ending, feeling the actual detachment and letting go. He was still there as your false sense of security. There was no fear of finality. but as soon as he started ignoring a bulk of my messages, it drove me nuts. That was you fearing him letting go and actually feeling him slipping away -- the effects of a break-up. I don't understand why HE was the one to suggest hanging out, saying we should do it soon, and basically danging a carrot in front of my face. Then, when I went for it, he pulled back. You're a new poster. But this is common with dumpers. They do it to feed their need after an ending. He hung the carrot to satisfy his needs. When you wanted the carrot, a few things happened 1) you got too clingy 2) he realized you were emotional 3) he realized you have expectations 4) felt guilty for leading you on. None of which he wanted because he did break-up with you. And when someone ends with you, chances are they are no more emotionally attached to you as they were while in the relationship. Edited September 12, 2014 by Zahara
Author TamTingy Posted September 12, 2014 Author Posted September 12, 2014 You're a new poster. But this is common with dumpers. They do it to feed their need after an ending. He hung the carrot to satisfy his needs. People are horrible (i.e., selfish). Well, the more I think about the whole thing, the more disrespectful and selfish he comes across as. The silent treatment drives me crazy, but only for a little while. I have a low tolerance for anything that makes life complicated. I left the door open for him with my last message. If he wants to talk to me or ask for his things back, he definitely knows how to contact me.
Recommended Posts