whodat11 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Been with my girlfriend for a few years now. I lover and know she loves me back. Lately I've been really itching to leave. I do love her though. I just don't feel ready to be in such a committed relationship (I'm 20). It's my first solid long term relationship with someone worth being with. I know this is the kind of girl I want to marry, but I'm years from being ready. I lust and get feelings for other girls and feel bad that it's happened. I don't cheat though. I always distance myself (from other girl) once feelings start to develop with another girl. But does this mean I should get some of this out of my system? Will this stuff always be a factor no matter what age and who I'm with? If I could, I would break up for a few years, then get back with her to marry. I know that's not fair or even how it works though. Should I leave her for the time being and then hope to find someone else like her or stick it out? I have strong will power and know I can do it if I know it's what is best, but would it be beneficial to me to end things and experience things? I know that people change alot in their 20s as they develop. I also worry that if I don't "get it out of my system" and marry her, I might be tempted to cheat or something. It's not something I can really see myself doing, but one of my friends brought that up. I don't want to be cruel or disrespectful to her either. But anyways, anyone with experience in a similar situation? Or just any input is appreciated. Thanks guys.
Assasda Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Youre always going to be attracted to other girls. Always, your entire life. The question is qhy do you think you need to break up with your girlfriend? What do you want to accomplish with these other girls? What do you think that youre missing... 1
Atticus9292012 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 The person I was at age 20 vs 25 or even 20 vs 23 were totally different people. Your life experiences and relationships shape you so much in that period of time that what you want now versus what you will want in a couple of years will change. You also hear about people marrying their high school sweet heart and they never stop loving each other. I think everyone has an itch every once in a while to experience new things. "Grass is always greener syndrome" type deal, but if you love this girl than Id say stick it out and realize that something/someone special only walks into your life every once in awhile. Try to remember that when you think of being with someone else.....BUT if you really think you need to spread your wings, go for it, but realize you may lose her for good. Accept the consequences of that. You will love again I promise. 2
preraph Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I do think that because of your age, you need to make a clean break and be honest with her about it. Don't cheat and keep her on the string. Just tell her you're young and you've had urges to date around. I know she isn't going to like it or understand probably, but when she's a lot older, she will. This is the time to date around. While you won't stop totally being attracted to other women, the more you date and get to know various women, that will shape what you look for in a woman you would want to get serious with sometime down the road. You're both young enough that you're not even finished maturing and changing. Usually unions at this age won't last because you'd grow apart anyway. Your brain isn't even fully formed until mid-twenties! Just do it the right way and break off first before looking around for other women. Tell her you love her but you feel you've got some growing and exploring to do and that so does she. Good luck.
Author whodat11 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 @assasda The reason I feel the need to break up is because, even though this is by far the best relationship I've had, It's also the only one that is reasonable and I'm not being cheated on in. I do love her and everyone that knows her would agree that she is a very very special person, but I do have more fun with other females (not sexually) and feel a spark that I don't quite remember feeling with this one. I feel that I might be able to find one that I won't even have these doubts with. I am worried that I will be married to her one day, looking back and feeling that I should have done things differently. And I know, GIGS. It probably is that, but there is this thing in my subconscious that doesn't want to accept that and I feel I need to somehow dismiss that subconscious doubt. We also don't really have the little things in common. We don't like the same music, have the same hobbies/interests. I know that's not what to base a relationship around though. It's just that we are very different people. We have the same goals in life though. The difference with that is our motivations. Hers are more like fairytale-like. She wants the picture perfect family that you see in movies and on pinterest. I do want a family, but I have a more visceral motivation. By that I mean I'm a little hippy-ish I guess. Not druggy or anything. I work hard and am going to school, but she does things because that's just been what she's taught and sees from other people is success and I have thought out what I personally want from life and am doing what I need to do to make it happen. She just doesn't understand my take on things like that and she's told me before. Also, the things that might seem like more of an "interest" or "hobby" of mine actually really make me feel fulfilled. It's almost like meditation or enlightening to me, but she doesn't seem to enjoy it or get what I get out of it, which does make me sad that we can't do those things together. She just always looks bored. Don't get me wrong though, I can spend hours with her and all will be well. But just well, never great or horrible, consistently well.
Assasda Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 From your 2nd post it sounds like you dont like her that much. It sounds like youre just hanging on, because you think thats what youre supposed to do. You should be able to have fun with your partner, and youre not. So break it off. By the lenght of your post, you sound like an emotional dude, and Women arnt attracted to that. Imma go out on a limb and say that she ignore your emotional stuff, which she should. I really think you should break it off with her though. It'll be better for you both
missinglink Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 (edited) I've felt that before, I think you should end things. I'm going through some stuff with my girl right now for different reasons, but in some past relationships, I've had that itch, tried to hold on, but things just couldn't work out. Edited September 10, 2014 by missinglink
Author whodat11 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 @Assasda I actually don't show my emotions very much, however I do put ALOT of thought into the things that I do and really do care about this. I guess I will be breaking things off though. I was just wanting some outside input. I know I shouldn't act on other peoples decisions and opinions, but it is reassuring to hear them.
Gloria25 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 We also don't really have the little things in common. We don't like the same music, have the same hobbies/interests. I know that's not what to base a relationship around though. It's just that we are very different people. We have the same goals in life though Dude, you already posted something similar to this thread, but here goes... I've heard that the MORE you have in common with someone, the stronger your RL will be - especially if you do end up marrying and spending your life with this person. So, the "base" of a RL should be shared/common things. And duh, it's not hard to have the same goals...I mean, don't most people want a job, education, etc? Like others have posted here..."strange" is never gonna go away. There is ALWAYS gonna be someone hotter, smarter, etc. than your SO. And, with every thing there's give and take. If you settle now, you may miss out on certain things, and if don't settle - you may not meet someone like your current SO. You have to weigh the pro's and con's of your decisions to be made.
Gloria25 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Ok, I'm gonna go to heck for giving you this advice, but here goes... Why don't you tell your current gf that you need a "break" to figure things out and use that time to date another person (but don't tell your gf that you are gonna date others in the meantime). Maybe you need to get it out of your system to see whether or not you really want your gf. I mean, I've heard of people who often go back to their SO after they check someone else out. Or worse, I you could check another person out w/o telling your gf...but that would be cheating, but then again, you two have been seeing each other w/o a ring or a date for 4 years...So, not sure if this is an actual "committed" situation, IMO.
ja123 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 For the record, "emotional" (see Empathetic, Kind, Caring) dudes rock! Don't change.
Seraque Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I think you should break this off with her. Sounds like you've been mulling over this for awhile. Also that feeling will only grow the more you suppress it, so do it now, you are both young.
UltimaWeapon Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 (edited) If you love her as you say you do- no matter what urges you have..you wouldn't think about leaving her. Just know the grass isn't greener on the other side and don't take what you have for granted with her to experience some one night stands with chicks at a club. Especially in this day and age- a good girl is hard to come by. Don't regret what you did after when you can't find any and you are single for years to come. I was in one for 4.5 years before she left me for someone else. I have been single since 2010 and the closest I have gotten to a rel. since than is for 3 months in 2013. Therefore, I know how hard it is to find a good girl - let alone one to be in a rel. with * I go out every weekend to clubs/bars and would trade having a loyal gf to stay home with on a fri/sat any day of the week. The girls at these places ask you for your number and there just isn't any interest there for me to pursue something like that- its hit it and quit- nothing substantial or long lasting. Just my advice BUT DO WHATEVER DA FCK U WANA DO Edited September 10, 2014 by UltimaWeapon
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