Yellow12 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) I met a guy online and we really hit it off. The first night we texted for like 10 hours then for the next 5 days we texted all day even when he was at work, probably 30 hours of texting. Then just poof, he disappeared! We specifically talked about how guys disappear and he told me that it was not going to happen, that he was interested. Gradually our texts became more sexual where it was pretty apparent that he definitely wanted to hook up & that he would be coming to see me a lot. I told him that i believe a guy should chase, and that if I did not hear from him I would assume he was not interested, to which he said I had nothing to worry about. I sent a how r u text about 10 days later and it has now been almost 3 weeks where I did not hear from him. I should mention that he is recently out of a relationship with a women who he said was crazy & drug addicted. I saw on his facebook, etc that he posts song lyrics talking about breaking off relationships, lyrics about how he knows the relationship does not work, about how the girl will never change, about how hurt he is, etc. He just started posting them since this withdrawal started. He still goes on the dating website every day quickly, but I never heard from him. I am pretty sure I was the only girl he was talking to on the website since he indicated that to me. Also, he does not know I know his name so he does not know I see these postings. I think he is just sitting at home playing music at nights. Not sure what to do except nothing really. I sent one text that he ignored & it has been a week since. Anyone have any thoughts on why someone would come on so strong yet then just disappear? I am also more than a decade older than him, though i don't think that was an issue. Why not just say hey I am going through some stuff, sorry I led u on? Was he just playing a game or something? I feel hurt and like I wasted my time, though I do like him. Websites seem to indicate that guys go into their cave when they have emotional problems so maybe that is what this is? Just wait it out? He knows other guys contact me since we talked about that. I would think he would just want to say hi or something just to keep up my interest if he really cares. Maybe he is not sure if he will go back to the crazy girl? I am not sure. Edited September 9, 2014 by Yellow12
ExpatInItaly Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Do not take what he says as gospel. You don't know him. He could be seeing/sleeping with multiple women and of course he would say he wasn't. He could also be full of sh*t about this ex; perhaps she's not so crazy and he's trying to get her back. He's clearly still looking as he's on the dating website. Bottom line is that 5 days is barely any time to get to know someone on a deeper level. You'd never met him and yet the conversation turned sexual - think about that for a moment. What do you think he was after? Don't bother trying to analyze his behavior. For whatever reason, he's not feeling it any more. And you're right that if he actually cared, he'd get in touch. He hasn't done so, and that should be all you need to know. Not very considerate, of course, but you don't want a guy like that anyway. On to the next!
fred123 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 its funny how people said not to talk sexual with a girl and be a respectful gentleman and that women get turned off. but here clearly it works and she even would invite him to hers and they havent even met! 1
Atticus9292012 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I always pretend the person isn't real until we meet....people often do this with OLD. It keeps you from getting attached to someone you haven't even met. I talked to a guy for almost a month and a very similar thing happened to me before I adopted my "pretend rule."
fred123 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I always pretend the person isn't real until we meet....people often do this with OLD. It keeps you from getting attached to someone you haven't even met. I talked to a guy for almost a month and a very similar thing happened to me before I adopted my "pretend rule." id love to heqr about it
Atticus9292012 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 My experience? I started talking to a guy from POF who had a lot of similar interests. He was super attractive. Single Dad. My type physically. At the time I was a newly single mom, going to night law school and my son was with his dad only every other weekend. Scheduling dates was a challenge to say the least. Well, we texted every day. After a couple of weeks I had a little to drink one night and made some sexual comments. He played along for awhile, but it wasn't too graphic. Eventually we scheduled a meet up. The week leading up to us meeting he was distant. Where we texted daily he'd blow me off if I texted. Then day of, he bailed and I never from him again. I was so disappointed, but it was a lesson learned. I realized I liked a person I really didn't even know. We could have met and it could have been a flop.
spiderowl Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Sounds like he's still emotionally involved with this ex. He's posting things that suggest he hasn't got over her. Maybe he thought he had and decided he'd had enough and would go find another woman and then the ex contacted him and it all went out of the window (hence the lack of contact). Honestly, if he's that emotionally involved, I'd steer clear.
Author Yellow12 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) Yeah, our last few conversations were sexual, but he always did it in a way that was not creepy, like apologizing for talking that way, saying he was being bad, etc. I think he was just being smooth. I never made a sexual comment really though in our last conversation I did make one joke. He also continually talked about oral sex on me He said he broke it off with the other girl because she is psychotic and on depressants and his postings seem to bear that out, like talking about "deep down I know this doesn't work but it still hurts" or about how you can only change your reaction and you cannot change the person and that the person (the girl I suppose) is never going to change and that he needs to break the habit. This is what he told me too, that there was something not right about her and he seemed to harbor some anger, at least that was my impression and that he ended it bc he had a gut feeling. I agree, I think he still has some unresolved feelings about it and is not emotionally available. For whatever reason however these postings all started when he started talking to me because otherwise he posted nothing since May. I am just annoyed bc I specifically many times kept on saying "maybe" or "if it works out" or "if we have chemistry", etc. and every time for 5 days he kept on coming back to think positive and that all this stuff was definitely going to happen. He was almost like obsessed w me, texting me for like 10 hours at a time. He also specifically told me he had no baggage, which clearly was not true. He said he never met anyone online before and that he was most interested in me for my smarts, which we did spend a lot of time talking about the first day. I think that is why I liked him bc we had an intellectual connection and unlike a lot of other guys, we bonded on that level first before all this sex talk came in. He got me to like him on an intellectual level and then gradually brought in the sex talk. Still not sure why someone would post things to facebook like this. It seems immature. He is not an active facebook poster so it seems odds he just got so active all of a sudden. Years ago he did a similar thing w another breakup. It seems kind of immature to be posting all these song lyrics out to all your facebook friends, I have never seen any of my fb friends do anything like this. Edited September 9, 2014 by Yellow12
Assasda Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 OP likes the sex convo as much as the guy, so dont bash the guy. That has nothing to do with this. The bottom line is that OP didnt know this man at all, and she's thinking he disappeared, when he never appeared in the first place. OP didnt even talk to him on the phone. You want to get out of text message and meet the guy in person. You want to stop secretly stalking the guy's facebook, and get to know the actual man. He got tired of the whole childish text message game, and you saying that he should chase you like Pepe lePew, so he moved on to the next. OP you never knew him. So, move on, and try to meet someone first before you get enamored with them 2
Author Yellow12 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 honestly i think depends on if the girl likes the guy. if it was another guy who she didnt like talk about oral sex she would be posting on here wat a creep he is. i think every girl is the same and it depends if she likes him or not Yes, that is right and it depends on context too. Like if someone all of a sudden right off the bat talks about sex it creeps me out. But after you talked to someone online for like 20 hours, about your life, job, etc and you start to like the person and the person indicates to you that they actually want to date you (not a one night stand or anything) talking or joking about sex does not seem so creepy. Anyway, lesson learned not to get emotionally attached before meeting someone and not to spend too much time on text.
BluEyeL Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This is not a person or a guy he's a fantasy. Don't text with men before meeting. It never works. 1
Author Yellow12 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 OP likes the sex convo as much as the guy, so dont bash the guy. That has nothing to do with this. The bottom line is that OP didnt know this man at all, and she's thinking he disappeared, when he never appeared in the first place. OP didnt even talk to him on the phone. You want to get out of text message and meet the guy in person. You want to stop secretly stalking the guy's facebook, and get to know the actual man. He got tired of the whole childish text message game, and you saying that he should chase you like Pepe lePew, so he moved on to the next. OP you never knew him. So, move on, and try to meet someone first before you get enamored with them What I meant by chase is that I specifically told him I don't put up with any nonsense, and that if someone disappears I don't go hunting them down bombarding them with text messages and that it is up to him to make the move. I am just annoyed bc he repeatedly reassured me that none of this was going to be an issue, that he was not going to disappear. I even told him how other guys disappeared on me online and he sympathized with me that it was terrible. That is what I am more annoyed about that anything - that I told him I would rather be surprised than disappointed and he continually reassured me that everything was great and we would meet up and that he was not going to pull this nonsense that so many guys online do
travelbug1996 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 What I meant by chase is that I specifically told him I don't put up with any nonsense, and that if someone disappears I don't go hunting them down bombarding them with text messages and that it is up to him to make the move. I am just annoyed bc he repeatedly reassured me that none of this was going to be an issue, that he was not going to disappear. I even told him how other guys disappeared on me online and he sympathized with me that it was terrible. That is what I am more annoyed about that anything - that I told him I would rather be surprised than disappointed and he continually reassured me that everything was great and we would meet up and that he was not going to pull this nonsense that so many guys online do Now you know that he is a liar. Ditto what erbody else said.
Recommended Posts