isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 When it comes to dating, do you prefer a challenge - some you have to chase and fight for and are not sure of, or no? Or is it really a matter of who you're actually interested in, whether they're a challenge or not you will go for and do what's required, and the challenge is just whether it masks lack of interest or not?
deathandtaxes Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 A 'challenge' is just more game playing...a lady playing hard to get just because. I think if two people are really into each other, there are no games to be played. Just the normal back and forth or starting to know one another and dating. 6
BluEyeL Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I'm a woman, but it depends what you mean by a "challenge". 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Never dated as one would expect. So challenging part I cannot say I would enjoy. If your playing games and not looking for a meaningful relationship. I guess it would be fun. Though I have plenty of fun with the mate I have. So it all depends on which date or mate you have that makes the whole thing exciting.
gaius Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Oh my god yes. You better make climbing Mount Everest the easier option or I'll be disappointed. 3
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 really a matter of who you're actually interested in, whether they're a challenge or not you will go for and do what's required and I didn't think too much about the effort until it was too much effort 1
slizl Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I love a challenge, but if I am strung along too long or if it is too much of a challenge, I will give up. There is a fine balance I think. 4
Author isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 I guess I'm really asking from a man's perspective, is whether a girl who is too "easy" will make you lose interest (not meaning sex, meaning to "catch") or whether it's just a matter of showing if someone actually has interest. I abhor game playing, myself. And if a guy isn't open and clear about his interest, I typically lose interest. But I'm a woman. So I'm asking across the aisle as it were.
BluEyeL Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 OK, I'm a woman, but IMO, a challenge is a woman who has a high self esteem. She won't kill herself to impress a guy prematurely, she won't sleep with him out of fear, she won't beg him for attention, she won't cling (see the thread about watching an asshat get drunk after sleeping with biogal) and she'll have a full life of her own. A woman who is a challenge would not ask whether men like a woman who is a challenge or perhaps they like a woman who is a doormat because that's more comfortable. She doesn't give a sh*t, she just is herself. Whoever you are, however you look and behave, someone will like you eventually. The trick is to have someone that is equally a "challenge" like you, not just "men". 1
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I guess I'm really asking from a man's perspective, is whether a girl who is too "easy" will make you lose interest How could I not like a girl who likes me? She obviously has good taste. Then, it is simply a question of whether I "like" her or not. 5
Author isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 OK, I'm a woman, but IMO, a challenge is a woman who has a high self esteem. She won't kill herself to impress a guy prematurely, she won't sleep with him out of fear, she won't beg him for attention, she won't cling (see the thread about watching an asshat get drunk after sleeping with biogal) and she'll have a full life of her own. A woman who is a challenge would not ask whether men like a woman who is a challenge or perhaps they like a woman who is a doormat because that's more comfortable. She doesn't give a sh*t, she just is herself. Whoever you are, however you look and behave, someone will like you eventually. The trick is to have someone that is equally a "challenge" like you, not just "men". My self esteem is fine and I have very full life. Who I am is NOT a doormat but I am open, honest, and generous of myself with everyone -which will extend to someone I'm dating. I'm not dating ANYONE right now, because I want to be alone right now, so I don't give a crap whether someone will like me eventually, I'm just curious based on what I've been hearing.
gaius Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I've had women pursue me that I might have been interested in but the fact they were the aggressor and didn't make me work for it turned me off. Then again I didn't pursue them on my own so who really knows. Maybe I wasn't all that turned on to begin with. The safer bet is probably to make him work a bit for it though. 2
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Hmmmm, a few thoughts on this. I think there is a different between pursuit and challenge. In my mind - Pursuit is the chase - where you are actively wooing a woman. She's interested but you are wooing her. Challenge is when you are trying to "win" a woman's heart/mind/sex who isn't interested or acting interested. I think pursuit is a good thing. It is called romance. I think challenge can be very dangerous and that's why I shake my head at stuff like The Rules. You see, when a man enters "challenge mode" it can be a scary thing. Look no further than PUA's. When a man enters challenge mode, we become fixated on a goal. That goal can be a seemingly innocuous as "that girl over there" to something more tangible and potentially negative as "getting that girl to fall for me" or "having sex with that girl". Guys in challenge mode will do anything to achieve that goal. That's kinda what makes us men - whether it is climbing that mountain, lifting that big rock or punching that guy in the face. Receiving attention from men who are in challenge mode is probably a great thing. They will shower you with attention, say what you want them to say, be who you want them to be. But here's the thing, once they "win" and achieve their goal, that's it. Challenge mode off. And that might mean that they no longer have a need for you either. They fade. They walk away. Simply put, triggering men into challenge mode is not a healthy way to build a relationship. So you need to walk a fine line. Pursuit = good. Challenge = bad. Unless you just want a fling... 3
Author isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 So you need to walk a fine line. Pursuit = good. Challenge = bad. Unless you just want a fling... I spent years like this with an ex. I lose interest because hes not acting that into me... then all the sudden I got an all expenses Caribbean vacation with a new vacation wardrobe, and a house full of 20 dozen roses. I am wooed back, and he's a barely there jerk again. My inclination now if I like a guy is to be like, "Hey I like you." And very forthright... and offer to do nice things for the guy I'm interested just like I do with every other person I know beause I like being a good person and it makes me feel good with no expectation of return, but I do wonder when I start dating if this is actually going to attract the sort of guy I'm interested in.
regine_phalange Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Some people like how the unobtainable makes them feel. Being slightly hurt (in their ego) makes them feel alive, therefore they believe that there is chemistry/compatibility because the other person is something unique. It's a very simple mind trick really and I wonder why so many people are tricked by it. The real test about how much you want something is when you really get it. Then, what do you do with it and how do you feel? 1
cristalina Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 OK, I'm a woman, but IMO, a challenge is a woman who has a high self esteem. She won't kill herself to impress a guy prematurely, she won't sleep with him out of fear, she won't beg him for attention, she won't cling (see the thread about watching an asshat get drunk after sleeping with biogal) and she'll have a full life of her own. A woman who is a challenge would not ask whether men like a woman who is a challenge or perhaps they like a woman who is a doormat because that's more comfortable. She doesn't give a sh*t, she just is herself. Whoever you are, however you look and behave, someone will like you eventually. The trick is to have someone that is equally a "challenge" like you, not just "men". This right here. Have confidence in yourself, know who you are, know your standards, and love yourself. A woman or man who has all these things is worth waiting for and usually will not rush but wait until it is right.
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 OK, I'm a woman, but IMO, a challenge is a woman who has a high self esteem. She won't kill herself to impress a guy prematurely, she won't sleep with him out of fear, she won't beg him for attention, she won't cling (see the thread about watching an asshat get drunk after sleeping with biogal) and she'll have a full life of her own. A woman who is a challenge would not ask whether men like a woman who is a challenge or perhaps they like a woman who is a doormat because that's more comfortable. She doesn't give a sh*t, she just is herself. Whoever you are, however you look and behave, someone will like you eventually. The trick is to have someone that is equally a "challenge" like you, not just "men". That souds like my LDR... though it did not seem like a challenge, though what i found was challenge to find in other women. Though i as not looking to bed her. What some guys want as a challenge comes easy for me, so i never looked at dating to be of interest because of it.
fortyninethousand322 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 When it comes to dating, do you prefer a challenge - some you have to chase and fight for and are not sure of, or no? Or is it really a matter of who you're actually interested in, whether they're a challenge or not you will go for and do what's required, and the challenge is just whether it masks lack of interest or not? Men who like challenges, like challenges. Myself, I look for the first sign of disinterest from a girl and then I conclude she doesn't like me and never speak to her again. So if a girl tries to be a challenge it's likely to just drive me away. Not that any women are heartbroken about that...
Assasda Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 What is the definition of a challenge? I certainly dont believe in being anyones puppy dog 1
Themanwithaplan Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Personally, I like a girl who has a life and her own things going on. What I don't like, is a woman who pretends to just to seem unavailable because she's afraid she'll seem "too available". For the most part "hard to get" is generally a pain in the ass and makes me question whether I want to get involved at all.
PogoStick Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I prefer a woman that shares chemistry and reciprocates interest. I'll throw a few hooks out and show my interest. If she doesn't respond quickly then I'll move on. Think about it this way. I may have 3 girls whom I'm interested in. I'm going to chase the girl who I hit it off with, not the one playing hard to get. Play games and you're going to lose.
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 When it comes to dating, do you prefer a challenge - some you have to chase and fight for and are not sure of, or no? Or is it really a matter of who you're actually interested in, whether they're a challenge or not you will go for and do what's required, and the challenge is just whether it masks lack of interest or not? Depends on the "challenge." If you mean like this experience I've had, then no, I've given up.
carhill Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Men: Do you prefer a challenge? When it comes to dating, do you prefer a challenge - some you have to chase and fight for and are not sure of, or no? I prefer a woman who has depth, to paraphrase a somewhat hokey movie line, 'a deep ocean of stuff to discover'. The 'challenge', perhaps even for a lifetime, is discovering all of who she is. The 'fight for her' and 'chase her' stuff? Naw, did that as a young, ignorant guy and learned those lessons. Women who sincerely like a particular man and find him attractive don't play those games of the young. They know what and who they want to spend their time with and leave little doubt about those desires. 3
MoreCoffee Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I like to be encouraged. I like to think I stand a fair chance to make a gal laugh/be happy. I don't like subterfuge. I dislike having fights just so that she can feel that I care. She doesn't need to gush, but I do respond better when a strong gal lets me know that she desires my company. I like a gal who knows what she wants and in no way, shape or form requires me to "convince" her of anything. I will never, ever, try to make up a gals mind.
MGX Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Hell no! No mind games and no "will she or won't she" BS. Two people meet, they go out out. If they like each other, they keep going out and form a relationship, which could lead to children and/or marriage. The End. 1
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