biogal Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Just went on a fourth date with a guy I was really starting to like. Our first three dates were all wonderful, we clicked really well and had loads of fun together. Then we meet for our last date, which was pretty nice. We went bowling and I noticed he was checking his phone a lot which was really annoying, but I didn't say anything. Afterwards we had dinner which was really nice until he told me that he bumped into his ex with her new boyfriend (5 year relationship ended a year ago..) and had been feeling really weird since then. We talked about it a little bit and then moved on to other things, after that it felt like he was normal/nice again and we were getting on really well. We were joking around and having a great time. We went to a bar for a drink and then I went back to his place for the first time. We watched tv and were snuggling on his couch, after a while we started making out and had sex for the first time. It was good except he never really cared if I finished or not, as soon as he was done he passed out saying he was exhausted and couldn't even move. Maybe twenty minutes later his roommate comes home with his girlfriend and this guy says we should get dressed and quickly say hello, so we do. His roommate brought back a 4pack of beers so we each had one and then it was almost midnight. The roommate went out to get more beers for him and his girlfriend and I told this guy we should go back to bed, that I was really tired and we both had work in the morning. He said it was a good idea because he was too exhausted to even get off the couch. In the time it took for me to try to get him off the couch, his roommate already came back with a lot of beers. They then proceeded to drink A LOT, all the while this guy was telling me we'd go back to bed after this... after this... The whole time I felt completely ignored, like he didn't give a **** about me and was just into drinking and joking around with his roommate. Eventually he got so wasted he wanted to go out to a bar (now it is almost 4am...). The whole time I felt invisible and I just wanted to go home but without public transport operating after midnight, I was stuck. I thought about saying 'okay well I'm going to bed!' but that seemed like an inappropriate thing to do given that we have only been seeing each other for a month/it was my first time there/etc.etc. so I went out with them and watched he and his roomate get even drunker, and start shouting in the streets at passerbys as they fell overthemselves. Finally at 6am he said it was time for sleep and we went to bed. I gave him lots of water to make sure he'd be okay in the morning. I woke up an hour later, tried to shake him awake to say goodbye and in the end just kissed him on the cheek and left. So... I think I can safely say that this was the WORST date of my entire life. I don't really understand what on earth happened. Was it just that he was never really interested in me and did all this as a way of showing me that he didn't care about me at all? Maybe he has a legitimate problem? It's so disappointing because from all of our other dates, he was so wonderful and we got on so well. If anyone had told me on those dates that he could act the way he did that night, I would never have believed them.
cristalina Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm not sure what you're looking for in a guy, but I would hope that a jerk isn't one. That's some serious drinking going on, dangerous even. And if it was your first time being intimate and he didn't even take the time to try and please you, then he really sounds like a bad dude. I'd run away as fast as you possibly can. 4
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I'm sorry that happened to you but why couldn't you just go home? Frankly, by 1:00 a.m. no matter what he was doing & especially if he was drunk & ignoring me, if I could not have driven home after having been drinking, I would have said, hey, I have work in the morning, you don't mind if I go back to your room & crash do you? I would have sort of been glaring at him with a look that defied him to say that I wasn't welcome but I also would never see him again. 2
Author biogal Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 yeah, I wanted to leave but I had no car and with the way the subways run in queens that late at night on a Sunday it would have been dangerous for me to try and get home and taken multiple hours. And I am definitely not looking for a jerk and definitely not seeing him again. I'm just in complete shock that someone that seemed to be really nice and really like me on all our other dates was able to turn around and act this way. It seems like I always fall for a jerk, it just takes a while for me to realize it. They always start out so nice... I wish there was a way to know from the get-go
BluEyeL Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Call a taxi? Go to a freaking hotel? Go to sleep in his room and let him go to the bar? Not sleep with a douche at the 4th date? 1
Zahara Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 When it was getting late and you realized you had to get to bed due to work the next day, why didn't you just call a cab and find your way home? 2
Zahara Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 It's almost as if you were clinging to him to get his attention, and that is why you didn't just decide to go home -- even when you had to go through everything that you didn't want to till 6AM. 1
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Oooooh you guys are dating in NYC. In that case going boozing with his bro until 6am and yelling at passerbys is the NYC dude equivalent of him giving you a foot massage and reading Neruda to you surrounded by candlelight... Sorry couldn't help but bust on the NYC dating scene...
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 yeah, I wanted to leave but I had no car and with the way the subways run in queens that late at night on a Sunday it would have been dangerous for me to try and get home and taken multiple hours. Safety has to come 1st but you probably still could have grabbed a cab at 1 or 2. As for weeding out the jerks . . . that's why I always had a 12 date rule. It makes sure you know somebody for at least a month, possibly 2, depending on how often you see each other. Also the 1st time you visit each other's places I tried to make sure that didn't end in sex. Just me. But that plan did help weed out people who wanted to put the physical aspect of the relationship 1st. 3
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I was not dating them... but in two instances I felt like I was the only one talking, and if it were not that I felt nervous (I jest a lot when that way) things would have been so dead quiet. Glad they were not dates, just odd moments that even I don't know how or why they happened.
mammasita Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 If it were me, I would have felt uncomfortable just crashing in his room as well.....I would have definitely called a cab (or called a friend??!!) understanding your dilemma with the subways and all. Sounds to me like he was definitely projecting some sort of "leave me alone vibe". Have you heard from him since?
Assasda Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 This guy doesnt care about you at all. Are you one of those girls that fall for corny lines? Because it seemed you guys dont have a very deep connection at all. It seems like a shallow relationship. And the guy is treating it like a real shallow relationship 2
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Just went on a fourth date with a guy I was really starting to like. Our first three dates were all wonderful, we clicked really well and had loads of fun together. Then we meet for our last date, which was pretty nice. We went bowling and I noticed he was checking his phone a lot which was really annoying, but I didn't say anything. Afterwards we had dinner which was really nice until he told me that he bumped into his ex with her new boyfriend (5 year relationship ended a year ago..) and had been feeling really weird since then. We talked about it a little bit and then moved on to other things, after that it felt like he was normal/nice again and we were getting on really well. We were joking around and having a great time. We went to a bar for a drink and then I went back to his place for the first time. We watched tv and were snuggling on his couch, after a while we started making out and had sex for the first time. It was good except he never really cared if I finished or not, as soon as he was done he passed out saying he was exhausted and couldn't even move. Maybe twenty minutes later his roommate comes home with his girlfriend and this guy says we should get dressed and quickly say hello, so we do. His roommate brought back a 4pack of beers so we each had one and then it was almost midnight. The roommate went out to get more beers for him and his girlfriend and I told this guy we should go back to bed, that I was really tired and we both had work in the morning. He said it was a good idea because he was too exhausted to even get off the couch. In the time it took for me to try to get him off the couch, his roommate already came back with a lot of beers. They then proceeded to drink A LOT, all the while this guy was telling me we'd go back to bed after this... after this... The whole time I felt completely ignored, like he didn't give a **** about me and was just into drinking and joking around with his roommate. Eventually he got so wasted he wanted to go out to a bar (now it is almost 4am...). The whole time I felt invisible and I just wanted to go home but without public transport operating after midnight, I was stuck. I thought about saying 'okay well I'm going to bed!' but that seemed like an inappropriate thing to do given that we have only been seeing each other for a month/it was my first time there/etc.etc. so I went out with them and watched he and his roomate get even drunker, and start shouting in the streets at passerbys as they fell overthemselves. Finally at 6am he said it was time for sleep and we went to bed. I gave him lots of water to make sure he'd be okay in the morning. I woke up an hour later, tried to shake him awake to say goodbye and in the end just kissed him on the cheek and left. So... I think I can safely say that this was the WORST date of my entire life. I don't really understand what on earth happened. Was it just that he was never really interested in me and did all this as a way of showing me that he didn't care about me at all? Maybe he has a legitimate problem? It's so disappointing because from all of our other dates, he was so wonderful and we got on so well. If anyone had told me on those dates that he could act the way he did that night, I would never have believed them. Did you invite yourself to stay the night? If you had to leave to work in the morning, why didn't you? Also, taxis operate 24/7.
KatZee Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I'm confused what was hard about going home. You're in NYC. I live in Queens too. Subways, even late at night, aren't what they used to be. I've taken some late night subways that are PACKED even late at night. If you were nervous about that, there are taxis that drive around all hours of the night. A cab from NYC to Queens would probably set you back $40 depending on where in Queens you are, but better than having to watch this moron and his friends get completely obliterated. You could have also called an Uber. They will come to the exact location where you are and take you home. If you sign up for Uber you get like a $30 voucher for your first ride.
Supernatural Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 He got sex, and clearly wanting nothing else to do with you. He wasn't that tired. He was just uninterested in you. This was all about sex. You wanted to finish - you didn't You wanted to stay in bed - you didn't You wanted to go back to bed - you didn't You went partying - the complete opposite of what you wanted You baby sat him while he was drunk - why? You made him drink his water, like his mother and didn't get any sleep. You got nothing you wanted and he did everything he wanted to. He knows this. You know it. He doesn't respect you, because he knows you would just accept bull and let him do anything and still be there. A real woman wouldn't allow all of this night to take place. I wouldn't be surprised if you hangout with him again and were hung up over him. Men who don't care about a woman, succeed in dating and getting a woman to swoon. 6
Gloria25 Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Wow... Sorry about your bad date...what a loser. But seriously, next time pay attention to the signs. I mean, someone checking their phone throughout the evening, then talking about an ex? He already showed signs that he wasn't into you. BTW, how is sex good if he 'didn't even CARE if you were taken care of'?
cif Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 Afterwards we had dinner which was really nice until he told me that he bumped into his ex with her new boyfriend (5 year relationship ended a year ago..) and had been feeling really weird since then. . He's still hung up on his ex.. Or at least has some unresolved issues there. Sorry about the bad date. Dating in NYC is the pits.
mangetout Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 I know exactly what happened. He is a lovely person when he is sober but as soon as he has a drink he turns into an idiot. I think you are dealing with a man who has drinking problems. As soon as he had that first beer he couldn't stop drinking. I bet you he is full of remorse the next day
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