Started to date, back peddling all of a sudden!

[Osmo]

Met this girl at work a few months ago and recently we've been getting very close. Don't worry she doesn't work there anymore! I wouldn't date a co-worker, been there done that ended terribly haha.

 

Anyway, the past few weeks we've been spending a bit of time together, and it's been great, however recently it's started to get very confusing and I don't know where she stands anymore. She texts and rings me very late at night asking me to come round to her house all the time, and gets ridiculously jealous when she sees a girl has text me, so in my mind she likes me, however everytime I stay over the next morning she always seems very keen to get rid of me. Not all the time, but it's been happening a bit recently.

 

She's 20 and I'm 24, she's at University and I'm in a career. She goes back to University in a few weeks time (she's not too far away, about an hour), so I've been thinking maybe she's just starting to grow distant to me because she thinks it's not going to work once she leaves. However the other night she rang me while she's abroad on holiday with her 2 best friends, and this was only the first night she was away. I ended up with 8 missed texts, 5 Facebook messages and 4 missed calls within the space of 10 minutes, so I rang back thinking something had happened and it turns out she just wanted to talk about "us" and where we were at, she asked me how I felt and she said she likes me and really wants to make it work when she leaves for uni, saying how she's never felt like this before and she really cares for me, we had a pretty long chat for about 2 hours before she went to sleep.

 

The next day we didn't say a single thing, and then again the next day, so I sent her a message 2 days after our "chat" asking how her holiday is going and she read it and still refuses to message me. She wasn't drunk when we had the chat, but she was a little bit tipsy, she said she'd had a couple of drinks, but I could hear it in her voice she was still very much aware of herself.

 

She's a pretty awesome girl and would prefer to make it work but I'm a very stubborn person and refuse give attention to a girl that doesn't give it back. There's every chance she could be "playing hard to get", but I see it as she's not that interested anymore and I should move on.

 

Basically I'm here to find out if anyones dealt with a similar situation and has any light to shed? I'm going to leave her to it and let her enjoy her holiday and let her get in touch when she's ready, and if she doesn't get in touch then I guess I'll just let it run it's course and move on.

 

What do you think?

 

Thanks for reading!

Edited September 9, 2014 by Osmo

[PegNosePete]

Maybe she ran out of credit.

[Assasda]

I think you should move on to other girls man.

You are totally correct about not giving someone attention when they wont give it to you.

 

- You'' be there is she comes around and gets to her senses.

 

You just need to keep on doing what youre doing - its perfect.

but also, see other women

[Diezel]

She's on holiday. By now, she's probably met other guys and doesn't want to think about "the talk". Your mistake is taking her seriously.

 

Also: See other women

[Osmo]

Maybe she ran out of credit.

 

Haha maybe

 

I think you should move on to other girls man.

You are totally correct about not giving someone attention when they wont give it to you.

 

- You'' be there is she comes around and gets to her senses.

 

You just need to keep on doing what youre doing - its perfect.

but also, see other women

 

Yeh I've been seeing other women, but because this girl is so down to earth which is what I go for, I've found myself comparing them to her which isn't healthy. Thanks for confirming I'm doing the right thing though, I've had lots of people tell me to message her and chase her which I didn't want to believe was the right thing to do!

 

She's on holiday. By now, she's probably met other guys and doesn't want to think about "the talk". Your mistake is taking her seriously.

 

Also: See other women

Yeh I'm fine with her enjoying herself on her holiday, I'll just keep seeing other women and leave her to it.

[LoveIsMyReligion]

People tend to do stupid things when they really like someone, myself included.

 

What's worked best for me is to look at the situation from a 3rd person perspective, or pretend like my brother was in my shoes coming to me for advice..

 

You usually already know what the right thing to do is but find it hard to stick to your guns when you really like someone.

 

Stick to your guns and do what you know is right.

 

In life you'll always be presented with paths of least resistance - this is usually the wrong path.

[Osmo]

People tend to do stupid things when they really like someone, myself included.

 

What's worked best for me is to look at the situation from a 3rd person perspective, or pretend like my brother was in my shoes coming to me for advice..

 

You usually already know what the right thing to do is but find it hard to stick to your guns when you really like someone.

 

Stick to your guns and do what you know is right.

 

In life you'll always be presented with paths of least resistance - this is usually the wrong path.

Thanks for the reply.

 

It happened again last night. I was out with a date and came back to my phone to find countless missed calls and messages. I just sent her the 1 message asking if she was okay in which she replied "Too late."

 

Anyway the date with this other girl went very well and I get the idea she's much more mature. I'm starting to feel as though this other girl I like is only in it for the attention she gets from me and once she moves to uni she won't bother anymore, so I'm gonna make no attempt to get in touch with her and see if she makes an effort when she gets home.

[Assasda]

Thanks for the reply.

 

It happened again last night. I was out with a date and came back to my phone to find countless missed calls and messages. I just sent her the 1 message asking if she was okay in which she replied "Too late."

 

Anyway the date with this other girl went very well and I get the idea she's much more mature. I'm starting to feel as though this other girl I like is only in it for the attention she gets from me and once she moves to uni she won't bother anymore, so I'm gonna make no attempt to get in touch with her and see if she makes an effort when she gets home.

 

A success story.

I like it!

[Diezel]

Thanks for the reply.

 

It happened again last night. I was out with a date and came back to my phone to find countless missed calls and messages. I just sent her the 1 message asking if she was okay in which she replied "Too late."

 

 

"Too late"?

 

That speaks of immaturity and brattiness. Please tell me you didn't say anything back, at all.

[Osmo]

"Too late"?

 

That speaks of immaturity and brattiness. Please tell me you didn't say anything back, at all.

 

Yeh I sensed an attitude too, as if she was angry at me because I didn't answer my phone straight away. I didn't respond, then later the next day she text me again apologising and said she had a bit too much to drink.

[Diezel]

That doesn't help the situation either. She can't even be accountable for her brattiness. I hope you are taking all of that into account.

[Emilia]

I think a lot of this is about confidence and it's not something you can give the other person, it has to come from within.

 

I dealt with someone similar recently, he wanted all communication on his terms and took it as a slight when it didn't tally with mine, ie when I wasn't available when he wanted me to be but wouldn't accept alternatives. Even though this is a person that supposedly doesn't think that you should be at someone's beck and call all the time. He still expected me to be at his and would pretty much throw a strop when that didn't work for me.

 

I had to cut contact with him in the end, I can't do much with someone who is emotionally so unstable. There was no rhyme or reason to what to expect next. I honestly don't know what you can do about that.

 

I explained to him however how this affected me, maybe he will do something about it one day, maybe he won't. I know his interpersonal relationships suffer... Just goes to show how little you can do to influence someone when they aren't that rational in the first place. Of course I stress too when I like someone but I try my hardest to take a step back. He just didn't seem to be able to.

 

Good luck OP.

[Osmo]

That doesn't help the situation either. She can't even be accountable for her brattiness. I hope you are taking all of that into account.

 

I didn't look at it that way, so thanks!

 

I think a lot of this is about confidence and it's not something you can give the other person, it has to come from within.

 

I dealt with someone similar recently, he wanted all communication on his terms and took it as a slight when it didn't tally with mine, ie when I wasn't available when he wanted me to be but wouldn't accept alternatives. Even though this is a person that supposedly doesn't think that you should be at someone's beck and call all the time. He still expected me to be at his and would pretty much throw a strop when that didn't work for me.

 

I had to cut contact with him in the end, I can't do much with someone who is emotionally so unstable. There was no rhyme or reason to what to expect next. I honestly don't know what you can do about that.

 

I explained to him however how this affected me, maybe he will do something about it one day, maybe he won't. I know his interpersonal relationships suffer... Just goes to show how little you can do to influence someone when they aren't that rational in the first place. Of course I stress too when I like someone but I try my hardest to take a step back. He just didn't seem to be able to.

 

Good luck OP.

 

Wow, great advice haha! Sounds exactly like what I'm going through at the moment. She's already told me, as have her friends, that she suffers from confidence issues.

 

"There was no rhyme or reason to what to expect next." - Yep, very similar scenario!

 

I'm going on dates with other women and seeing how things go, and I can feel myself coming to terms with the fact that maybe she's just not ready yet and I shouldn't try and force it. She's an amazing person and I've not had this kind of connection with a girl since breaking up with my first, and only, girlfriend about 3 years ago, however I feel as though if I pursue this girl and end up liking her more it will just be harder to end things if she still continues to struggle with her confidence issues.

 

I think I'm gonna stop thinking so much into this for now and just deal with it as it comes. I'll wait for her to get back from her holiday and wait to see if she wants to see me and then try and get an idea of where it's at.

[Emilia]

She's an amazing person and I've not had this kind of connection with a girl since breaking up with my first, and only, girlfriend about 3 years ago, however I feel as though if I pursue this girl and end up liking her more it will just be harder to end things if she still continues to struggle with her confidence issues.

Exactly, I told the guy that I think he is very nice in fact and that's true. He is one of the loveliest men I know, deep down very genuine BUT....

I think I'm gonna stop thinking so much into this for now and just deal with it as it comes. I'll wait for her to get back from her holiday and wait to see if she wants to see me and then try and get an idea of where it's at.

Yes. Just take a step back and see how you think it would work long term.

[Osmo]

Exactly, I told the guy that I think he is very nice in fact and that's true. He is one of the loveliest men I know, deep down very genuine BUT....

 

Yes. Just take a step back and see how you think it would work long term.

Well the other night was eventful! (I want to apologise for the essay beforehand!)

 

Basically my friend had a big party and she ended up arriving to it, I had no idea she was invited.

 

Anyway, throughout the night she was trying to get my attention but I wasn't in the mood to talk to her so I did my best to stay away and just socialised with my friends, but later in the night I went outside to get some air and a few minutes laters she came to find me and caught me outside and we ended up talking. She starts grabbing me and asking me if I want to be her boyfriend, how much she wants to be with me and telling me how she's never felt this way about someone before and the past few days that I haven't been texting/calling her she's been really upset.

 

I said that we either need to draw a line right now and just be friends, which means you can't drunk call me at stupid times throughout the night and you can't keep saying you want to be with me. Or, we stop with the stupid games and just try it out and see where it goes. She said she wants to give it a go, and then we end up going back in and we end the night back at her house.

 

The next day I wake up to a text asking me if I'm awake (I wasn't), so I text her a few hours later asking her what she wanted and surprise surprise, she ignores the text all day, until later in the night when her reply was "Doesn't matter now."

 

In all honesty this girls done a bit of a number on me, because the next day at work I wasn't my usual self and didn't speak to anyone and had a lot of people ask me if I was ok to which I replied "don't want to talk about it"... I felt sorry for myself which is not like me at all, I hate moping around in a mood.

 

I'm stuck as to what to do next, but I think I have three options:

 

Option 1: Call her, while she's SOBER, and tell her that I'm fed up of the games and if they don't stop then I think we should just end anything we have right now, including a friendship. She's messed around too much for a friendship to be salvaged from this, I could never see her as just a friend anymore.

 

Option 2: Don't bother getting in contact and see if she gets in touch herself and act like nothing happened, I don't want her to know I was annoyed at her the other day.

 

Option 3: Cut contact completely and just let her get on with it. Even if she is to text/call me I will ignore it and most likely remove her from social networks. This might be a bit extreme but if I want to completely get this girl out my head I will need delete her off Facebook.

 

Anybody's input would be greatly appreciated.

Edited September 17, 2014 by Osmo

[Toodaloo]

Option 1 closely followed by option 3...

[Crila16]

She's 20...that's why she's acting this way. She's back and forth and up and down, because one minute she does like you...and then the next minute, she's lost interest, because you don't challenge her and are too available. You'll find that she starts to like you more if you are less available and stop running every time she snaps. She'll fall head over heels. That's a promise.

 

Now...all you have to think about is, do you really want a girl you have to manipulate to fall in love and want to spend time with you?

[Osmo]

She's 20...that's why she's acting this way. She's back and forth and up and down, because one minute she does like you...and then the next minute, she's lost interest, because you don't challenge her and are too available. You'll find that she starts to like you more if you are less available and stop running every time she snaps. She'll fall head over heels. That's a promise.

 

Now...all you have to think about is, do you really want a girl you have to manipulate to fall in love and want to spend time with you?

 

Not really. I've ignored all her contact since that day now. I was out last night with a few friends and she happened to be there, she caught me at the bar grabbing a drink and asked if we could talk and I told her I didn't want to talk anymore and that I was just out to have a good time with my friends, and then told her to enjoy her night out and left her to it. All throughout the night she was messaging me once I had left, begging me to come to her and talk.

 

I'm completely done with the situation now, a few of my friends said I should never feel the need to play games in order to get someone and those words pretty much sealed the deal for me. It's a shame really because she is a great person to be around, and there is a strong connection when we are actually together, but trying to get the two of us together (when she's not drunk) seems to be impossible and I'm done with pursuing her now.