HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 My ex and i broke up 6 weeks ago over financial responsibilities. He moved in with me and never paid apartment bills but his own for 6 months. He got angry and walked out. for a week we did not talk. but then i found out he had been on a date shortly after our breakup. during this time before i found out, he would text me constantly to assure me that he did love me. it hurt me so and i felt it was a rebound so i let it go. i moved on with no contact. 6 weeks had gone by and i was reluctant to see if he was ok. our conversation ended up him telling me that he did truly love me but decided to live with her and now claims she is the one. i am crushed to think he could move that fast. i feel like a fool. was i played? What is going on in his mind to think that this sort of thing is ok? 6 weeks and in love with her already and she is the one?
evanescentworld Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) He sounds like someone extremely superficial. If he's done it to you, I guarantee he will do it to her. He doesn't sound the kind of man who is conscionably in touch with true feelings but is either shallow and believes his own superficiality is perfectly adequate, or he tumbles headlong into things too quickly, commits too quickly, and has grandiose expectations of being worshipped. He also sounds self-centred and socially inept. I think, although it's probably almost impossible to view it this way yet, for you - you got off lightly and dodged the proverbial bullet. I feel sorry for his new squeeze. What is she in for....? Poor lass.... Edited September 9, 2014 by evanescentworld
Hollywood-Tourist Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I don't think anyone can just move on in a short space of time having come out of a relationship of late. If he has like he claims to, it's because he never really loved you in the first place. It's pretty damn heartless.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 yes i feel sorry for her to but i dont have a right to say anything i think. she will have to find out and so will he. i almost hope it doesnt workout but that is cruel of me. i guess you are right though. i got lucky.
David87 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 My ex moved on after 2 weeks. Its time you do the same, its a closed chapter in your life. I know how hard it is but theres no going back.
PegNosePete Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 i moved on with no contact. 6 weeks had gone by and i was reluctant to see if he was ok. our conversation See this is exactly why you should not have broken NC!!! Who cares about what he does or doesn't do or say to other people? It's none of your concern any more. You're split up. You should focus on yourself, not him. 2
mightycpa Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 My ex moved on after 2 weeks. Its time you do the same, its a closed chapter in your life. I know how hard it is but theres no going back. I'm pretty sure my ex moved on a couple of weeks before she broke up with me. Two divorces later, I'm sure she's still moving on!
stillafool Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 It definitely seems like you dodged a bullet. Whether they make it or not, who knows? I had an ex where we were in a 3 year relationship, broke up, 2 weeks later he was with someone else, 1-1/2 yrs later they were married, 3 kids later they are still together. Just take care of yourself!
oldshirt Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 The fact he was only paying for his own toys shows he was never actually invested in your relationship in the first place. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that he also never initiated any discussions about your future together or of marriage/family, never brought up discussions of joint bank accounts for shared household expenses, never purchased or brought up any discussions of furniture or decorations etc and never came anywhere close to unpacking his boxes and bags and had minimal items put away in closets and dressers etc. Now admittedly, some of that is just being a guy, but when you look at the big picture in its entirety, that shows a guy that is not invested, not looking at anything permanent and not looking towards the future. Your grandmother was right, he was primarily using you for a warm bed and a roof over his head. He may have had some sincere feelings for you on some level but he was not looking for anything long-term. The same is going to be true with this other gal. When he says she is "the one", what he really means is she is the one gullible enough to fall for it.
oldshirt Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 See this is exactly why you should not have broken NC!!! Who cares about what he does or doesn't do or say to other people? It's none of your concern any more. You're split up. You should focus on yourself, not him. Yes to the above ^^^^^^^^ You broke NC and are having an issue with this because you are still invested in him. Stop investing in people who are not actively investing in you.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 He actually did bring up sharing our bills. But I couldn't do it because it was too soon. I am so glad I did not.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 i wont contact him again now that i know this.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) Yesterday I posted about finding out about my ex's new relationship and how it devastated me. Today I wish I wouldn't have known everything. The day he left I should have never contacted him ever until I was done being upset and atleast a few months down the line if we ever did speak again. I even unfriended him that day and deleted his number. I was not upset. But I gave in when he texted me a week later. He made me feel guilty that he was hurting for walking out and all awhile he was talking to this new girl he claims he loves already and has moved in with her. It worked. I feel horrible that I was not enough. He won this battle because I gave in. The no contact rule would have worked for me. Not knowing anything would make me less angry and only remember the good things we had. But now because of all this I am angry and I can never forgive him. We didn't work the first time. I know most people on here have already made their mistakes. But listening to others and knowing my situation, the no contact rule is definitely the best thing for both the dumper and dumpee. Please consider this option for now on. I know I will. Edited September 9, 2014 by HurtingGirl Deleted last sentence
me85 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Yes. I used to be able to maintain NC, even though it was really hard. Now I'm trying to go NC yet again and it absolutely sucks but it's also absolutely necessary. 2
Strength in Healing Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Don't be hard on yourself. Generally, when you truly care, NC is one hell of a difficult thing to achieve. Even knowing full well how effective and helpful NC is, I STILL broke it on every relationship where I gave a damn. It's hellishly hard. 1
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 It's okay. So many people have learned the hard way. I maintained contact for several months and very much regret it as well. I basically let my ex feel less guilty by trying to be friends. 2
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 I think that is what he was doing as well. To not feel guilty of moving on. I am angry again and now he won't stop texting. But not this time. I'm done.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 (edited) Just an update. He has not stopped texting me today and I guess he feels bad that I am angry and saying that he did love me. Feels kinda good that this battle is turning my way again as karma usually will. But I will not respond and deleted all the messages. I just took back self confidence. Love you all. Edited September 9, 2014 by HurtingGirl
lauri Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Just an update. He has not stopped texting me today and I guess he feels bad that I am angry and saying that he did love me. Feels kinda good that this battle is turning my way again as karma usually will. But I will not respond and deleted message. I just took back self confidence. Love you all. Good for you!!! You've already taken a hugeeee step in your recovery. Keep it up...its going to be alright. You're better off w.o this guy! 1
BC1980 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I think that is what he was doing as well. To not feel guilty of moving on. I am angry again and now he won't stop texting. But not this time. I'm done. They think that if you will talk to them, they must not be so bad. You can't see it at the time though because you are too crazy with emotion. 1
SoThatHappened Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I think that is what he was doing as well. To not feel guilty of moving on. I am angry again and now he won't stop texting. But not this time. I'm done. Lesson learned the hard way for sure, but learned either way. Good job. Also, him moving in with her after 6 weeks?! Yeah, that's not doomed! 2
tory1012 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Amen to that! I have to go and pick up the rest of my stuf on saturday which is basically the only thing that I will be having to do with him. Once that's outtta way I am going FULL NC. I'm unfriending and blocking all his family and friends. The only way he would be able to contact me is on my mobile. I'm excited to move on and start my recovery. Really concentrate on my health! I've gained like 10-15kgs while with him so i look forward to loosing that! 1
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Actually I think it is a month from our split. I found out 2 weeks after that.
Author HurtingGirl Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 Two days ago i broke NC with my ex. I reached out to him. I wish I wouldn't have now but damage is done. He told to me that the girl he started dating 4 days after our break up is "the one." It's been six weeks since our breakup and he is the one who left. It was not over cheating or us not getting along, we had alot of laughs. I was like whoa. He even admitted to living with her from two weeks ago. It hurt me so and when he realized how bad it hurt he told that he did love me and that we had a great relationship and did not want me hurt. Does it mean it is no longer a rebound? How can he move that fast?
Strength in Healing Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 ...He told to me that the girl he started dating 4 days after our break up is "the one." It's been six weeks since our breakup and he is the one who left. It was not over cheating He was cheating. Don't worry though, if the girl was willing to cheat with him, she will cheat on him as well. Lack of morals is the first ingredient in the recipe for great disasters. He is an idiot. No one moves on that fast if they're stable. If I were you, I'd be grateful he is gone. It could've been worse -- you could've gotten married / kids. 1
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