WesternWizard Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 At the latest speed dating party I went to, I felt like I still hadn't figured out what women dislike about me... more like I was finding out what not to do. I'm a giant but not skinny... I'm overweight and built like a pro wrestler but not into sports. I'm not a confrontational guy by nature and I don't like putting people in the hot seat, but I'd be intimidated as hell if I met myself in a dark alley. So I asked the women at the speed dating party, am I too intimidating? They all said no. One of them said I have "presence"... maybe because I didn't drink any of the alcohol there and act goofy? Or is it because I'm honestly getting my life together? Or, I thought maybe I talk too much about myself---me me me, I I I---TBH that wears me down too, it feels like I'm reading my whole long, boring rap sheet to each woman. But if I wait for them to initiate the conversation, they just sit there with a sad-eyed grin and wait for me to speak. It's very frustrating. I feel like I'm getting a little closer to prying out the secret of what women don't like about me, but I still have a long way to go... I really think speed dating sessions are way too short, it should be more like interviews between men and women who may be interested in each other.
Assasda Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Bigger guys may be attractive to women, because they have a Boss-like presence. They may also be attractive to women, because, women feel safer with them. Keep that in mind. The presence is a good thing. You should put people on the hot seat a little more. Try not to hurt any feelings, but also challenge people. -People always think that youre a drone who doesnt care until you challenge them about something, then you become a significant person, and they respect you for it. Stop worrying about what people dont like, and focus on what people like, to improve your self esteem man
guest569 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 If they found you intimidating, they probably would feel to intimidated to admit it.. As for talking too much, ask questions and shift the conversation onto them and their lives.
Lani Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Why are you focusing on what they don't like? Perhaps take cues on what they DO like and play that up. That goes for everything in life, play to your strengths.. They will get you far further than trying to change your negatives will! 3
Toodaloo Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Why are you focusing on what they don't like? Perhaps take cues on what they DO like and play that up. That goes for everything in life, play to your strengths.. They will get you far further than trying to change your negatives will! I second that. Big guys are great 2
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Try this next time. Don't share a single thing about yourself unless you are answering a direct question. Ask about them. Don't go all interrogation style of a barrage of 50 questions. Just pick some random thing like what was a good book they read and build from there. What did you like about it? Is it by a favorite author or just a good random book? Do you like the genre? You can intersperse the questions with observations and opinions (oh i love a good scary book or I love a book that keeps me up all night) but keep from kicking into your monologue of you. As for your size, as others have said, women are often attracted to big men. As one of my friends put it, a big guy makes her feel petite. Last thing - if you really want to work on yourself, and it sounds like you do, start exercising. It sounds like you have the frame for it. Join a crossfit gym or google hotel WOD and do some of those five days a week. If you cut out junk food and do that, you'll be amazed at the changes you'll see in a matter of weeks.
slizl Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 You talk too much about yourself. People in general (especially women) love to talk about themselves. Learn to ask open ended questions and just let them ramble on all night. Add some color commentary and you will be in there 2
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 You talk too much about yourself. People in general (especially women) love to talk about themselves. Learn to ask open ended questions and just let them ramble on all night. Add some color commentary and you will be in there Like a brother from a different mother... Great minds... 2
preraph Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Look, don't expect most women even on speed-dating to be willing to tell you the harsh truth about yourself. It really doesn't matter anyway. You have to find someone who likes you and not try to pretend to be someone better. That said, you should be motivated to become your "best self," make your best behavior your everyday behavior, do what you can with your appearance, and get used to asking people questions and becoming interested in them depending on their answers, not just depending on whether they find you attractive or not.
gaius Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 I saw a few of your earlier posts and one thing that stood out was you would talk in a way nobody could really relate to or understand exactly what you meant when you gave your thoughts on some things. I remember Taramere and I both trying to figure out what you were talking about in one thread and neither of us could really do it, and if that's the case you're in trouble. Usually people like that don't have people they talk with often and get caught up in their own head too much. More frequent social interaction might help. Or maybe I'm totally off and wrong, feel free to tell me to screw myself if that's the case. I'm working with limited information here.
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Speed dating is just that -- speed. It's an elevator pitch, trying to meet the largest # of people possible in the shortest amount of time. It's not a mini therapy session. You shouldn't want to change yourself into somebody else's idea of what a good guy is although neatly groomed, polite & perhaps not an overly loud voice are good starters. Having somebody give you constructive feed back is a positive step. Do you have a sister or female cousin who could perhaps fill that roll?
deathandtaxes Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 OP - you're making a mountain out of a molehill. AND you will come across as extremely douchey or insecure if you start the conversation with such a question. It screams of attention-getting.
Recommended Posts