lsat101 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Hi, I went out w/this guy the other night that I am seriously attracted to. During the evening, he kept staring at me, holding my hand and touching my hair. Even when I took my hand back, I noticed he would reach for it again sometimes kissing it but not wanting to let it go. At the end of the night, he asked me to stay w/him. He said I could sleep in his spare room, that he would not bother me and that he just wanted me there. I declined and he drove me back to my car. When we got there, I thought he would kiss me good night but he didn't. We just stood there looking at each other until I said good night and turned to get in. That's when he put his arms around me, held me a second and then let me go. He then stood there looking kind of sad as I got in my car and drove off (I could be wrong about him looking sad bc I really don't know what was going through his head). I assumed if he liked me so much, then he would call to ensure I got home safely; but he didn't. He is on vacation from his job and called tonight from his brother's house in a different state. I wanted to ask him why he waited to hug me like that, but I sensed him rushing to get off the phone so I let it go. He said he was calling to hear my voice and that was it. Conversation was over in less than 2 minutes. I also notice that he will leave a vm and then call right back bf I can return his call; and he called several times bf the date to see how far I was from the place we were to meet. He also calls me his sweetie and said that he was my sweetie for the 1st time that night. The mosquitos were also bad that night so he stopped to get alcohol, sat me on the hood of his car and rubbed my legs and arms with it. After all this, should it bother me that he didn't even call to see if I got home safely? And why would he wait to hug me like that? Also, should I be concerned about him not waiting until I return his call before he calls again? And do you think it was normal for him to ask me to stay w/him like that? It's been awhile since I've dated anyone so does anyone find this peculiar or am I being paranoid (i.e., looking for red flags where there aren't any)? I do like the guy so any insight into this would be greatly appreciated!
Author lsat101 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 Thanks Enigma and I totally agree. Something about that invitation didn't sit right w/me and my guess was that he would have tried to get me into his bed too. I haven't dated in gazillion years and it is wayyy too soon for me to be sleeping w/anyone especially on the 1st date. I also feel this is moving kinda fast too and am thinking of slowing things down to telephone conversations again. Either way, glad to know I wasn't the only one who was wary about that invite
Assasda Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 He seems very strange. Everything you describe sounds strange. From him calling you sweetie, to him asking you to stay, to him giving you that weird hug. Trust your instincts
Author lsat101 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 Thanks Assasda. I agree he seems very strange and I thought the hug was weird too. It came from behind and caught me completely off guard (and to be honest, it rather scared me). I want to keep liking him but my instincts are telling me to back up and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I really appreciate you guys' feedback. It confirmed that this is not normal behavior and that something may be off about this guy.
Mrin Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 The invite to stay isn't that odd to me. I did a lot of dating when I was staying at a hotel downtown. Usually I would do dates downtown. If I had a suite and it was getting late I would always offer to let the lady crash at "my place" of she faced a long drive. Some accepted. Some didn't. But I would only do it if I had a two room suite. Always a gentleman though. The fact that he didn't want to know if you made it back safely is kinda a big red flag for me. That's a big thing. The way I see it is that if you are on a date with me I'm not "off the clock" until you make it home safely. Call me old fashioned. All that being said - dude seems creepy
Diezel Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 A lot of it is just odd, and it probably stems from the fact that you didn't stay over. He probably stopped caring at that point. As a counter-point to "Did you get home safely?". I rarely do it. I used to, but for a while I'd get a string of non-responses or angry texts from women who said they didn't need to be checking in. So now, I just don't do it. There was a period of time pre-text where you didn't need to check in to make sure someone else made it home safe. But that's just me. 1
fred123 Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 A lot of it is just odd, and it probably stems from the fact that you didn't stay over. He probably stopped caring at that point. As a counter-point to "Did you get home safely?". I rarely do it. I used to, but for a while I'd get a string of non-responses or angry texts from women who said they didn't need to be checking in. So now, I just don't do it. There was a period of time pre-text where you didn't need to check in to make sure someone else made it home safe. But that's just me. why are women angry when we send a " did you get home safely text?" probably why i piss women off haha
isisisweeping Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 why are women angry when we send a " did you get home safely text?" probably why i piss women off haha I love did you get home safely texts, and they improve my estimation of a man. For most women, you must piss them off some other way.
longjohn Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 The fella sounds odd alright. You might want to stay away from him. He might not be playing with a full deck. As a man I typically always do the "did you get home safely texts" with a date as a way to ensure they are safe, and a way to say good night and ensure I'm one of the last things on their mind. Then again I also walk them to their car, open doors and I never ever invite them to my place early on. 2
HappyLove Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 He's a weirdo. I bet 5 cents you met online.
preraph Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Were you drinking? Was he not wanting you to drive your car drunk? In that case, he was just giving you an option. A very nice one. If you hadn't been drinking, however, yes, it's odd and you were right to refuse. To me, nothing weird about the hug or no kiss. To me, nothing wrong with getting your VM and then calling right back. I do that all the time because people can't always get to their phones on time and I want to talk to them now while I can. If they still don't answer, that's fine, but I may be too busy to talk to them later when it's convenient for them and just have to write an email.
Author lsat101 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 I really appreciate your insight guys. I met him on a temp assignment over the summer and decided to go out w/him. I've never dated a co-worker before, mainly because I never met one I liked and also because I thought it would be rather awkward if things didn't work out. He was discreet in the beginning but began walking past and staring at me in front of everyone and he also told this other guy to be careful w/a forklift so that he wouldn't hit his sweetie w/the forklift (we work in a warehouse). I am a very private person and did not like him letting others know that there was an interest there. Still I continued to answer his calls every night and finally went out w/him the other night. He called again this evening but I chose not to answer and to break these nightly calls. I'm feeling very wary of him and think it's best to let it go. I don't drink, but he had a margarita during the date and began to act really silly. He said he was going to strip naked and start directing traffic in the middle of the street. Later on he slapped me on my leg when I chose not to repeat an answer I gave to one of his questions. This shocked me and I immediately hit him back, but think it is way too early for love taps (if that's what that was). I could be wrong, but I don't think hitting anyone even playfully is a good way to show affection. After considering everything, I do think it's best to pass on this guy. He's as cute as a button and has a great conversation; but I am seeing red flags all over the place that cannot be ignored. I think to go forward would be to ask for trouble and I don't want that in my life. Life is wayyy too short for that
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