Give her the benefit of the doubt?

[djcos25]

Started talking to a girl from online Saturday. We exchanged numbers and have been texting/calling each other. Every time I have called, she has answered. Saturday she had a wedding to go to, and was texting me a bit during the wedding. She said she couldn't wait to hang out with me.

 

Had possible plans Sunday night, nothing was really set in stone. We thought of getting drinks but then she said she wanted to do something else cause it was a nice night. She wanted to eat first, as did I. It ended up being 8:30 so I texted her saying I was probably gonna stay in. She agreed, and sorry for not texting back she got busy. She said I could call her later, which I did and we talked for over an hour.

 

She texted me this morning while I was at work. I can tell shes interested at least, texting me "Hey!" like little things like that. We text a bit on and off every day. It's not one of those situations where "Ok I'm gonna text her this day, but not this day.." etc. She had a rough day, she's having issues with her check. We talked on the phone twice today, when I left work and when I got home. She told me she was gonna cash her check, get ready and "look pretty."

 

The original plan was to go get drinks. She didn't want me to pay, and felt bad. I told her don't, I insist. She still would feel bad. So I suggested coming over and watching netflix. It seems like a lot of girls these days like doing that. She was like "I would love that!" Gave her my address, etc. After dinner I called her, no answer. She has always answered when I called. I texted her asking if she was on her way.

 

"Hey just wondering if your on the way"

 

"not yet... i popped a tire... and my donut is already on my car... waiting for the tow truck "

 

"oh ok. sorry."

 

"im sorry"

 

"we can reschedule if you want"

 

"i'll let u know it might not take long"

 

 

That was an hour ago. Two questions - If she doesn't text back, how do I proceed? And if she does text back, but bails, how do I go from there? Anyone think she's blowing me off? I've gotten a few numbers from online dating in the past few months but I've never met anyone - they either flake or stop responding to my texts, and honestly I'm getting sick of it. I just hope this isn't happening again, this girl does seem real chill. I'm 28 and she's 24.

 

My Dad, who's always negative, believes she's flaking. I tell him out of frustration, then he says something negative and I regret even telling him. In reality, I know he's just looking out for me. He told me I should text her asking to come out and help, and see what she says. Maybe she did get a flat, I don't know. But I just find it funny its the day she was going to meet me.

Edited September 9, 2014 by djcos25

[mightycpa]

So I suggested coming over and watching netflix. It seems like a lot of girls these days like doing that.

 

I'd have friggin' bailed on you.

 

Three answers:

 

1) I'm not really sure why you haven't texted her already, and told her you'll meet her before the tow truck gets there

 

2) If she doesn't text back, I figure you get one more bite at the apple, but this time, CONCRETE PLANS THAT DO NOT INCLUDE NETFLIX ON YOUR COUCH

 

3) If she does, but bails, entice her to go somewhere. Tell her you'll pick her up, wherever she is, you'll find a place to go nearby (and do it before you leave to get her), and you'll drop her off at home safe and sound.

[Assasda]

I wouldnt worry about it too much.

So youre wanting to meet this girl for the first time at your house?

 

That isnt a good way to go man.

You want to build some trust before she sees where you live.

 

If she flaked, she probably just didnt have the cojones to tell you that she doesnt feel comfortable coming over your house so early.

 

Anyway, I think you should call her after she handles her "Car troubles"

- Dont question her about it like youre some investigator.

- Ask her to get some drinks at a neutral location

[djcos25]

So she texted me saying "Sorry hun I just got home " so I asked if I could give her a call. She said she has a migraine but yea. I asked if she was ok, and I apologized for inviting her over the first time meeting. I just simply said I thought of it after and realized it was pretty stupid. It sounded like she perked up a bit, she said "Oh no I totally was down, I wasn't creeped out, its just this stupid s*it has been going on this week, I don't want to say anything I'm sure you don't feel like hearing it." She said she tried to avoid some glass in the road and ended up running it over. I told her she can always talk to me. She's going through some financial problems, has a court date this Thursday involving her insurance. She needs a new tire as well.

 

I was very calm and understanding of the whole situation. Told her everything will work out in the end, take it day by day, etc. She's trying to sell a massage table to get some cash, having no luck. I offered to ask my boss from my old job at the gym. She told me she would rather be hanging out with me then being at home with a migraine. I told her I felt bad, I was gonna call and ask to come out to help but I didn't because I didn't know where she was and she was probably pissed off beyond belief. She told me yea you wouldn't of wanted to see me like that.

 

Bottom line is she seems like she's stressed beyond belief. I think she said after she gets through this court date she'll be fine. So I simply told her, one of these days let me come pick you up cause of the car troubles, lets go to a nice dinner cause you could use it, let me treat you. She giggled and said maybe I'll let you do that. She told me she's not used to a guy being nice to her, her ex never had money, was a loser and she always had to pay.

 

She said she was going to take a hot shower, hopefully it'll help her. I let her go and told her to have a good night. I guess I didn't screw it up.

 

My Dad's thoughts? "Just seems like a strange coincidence." Why do I bother anymore?

[preraph]

The response to "I'm waiting for the tow truck" would be "Where are you? I'll come get you and wait until the tow comes."

 

She could be doing other things and lying about having a flat, yes, but I still think she likes you. She may just have a lot of friend activities going on or something.

[HappyLove]

She's a flake. I mean if her life is so tough right now why is she OLDing? You should listen to your dad!

[djcos25]

The response to "I'm waiting for the tow truck" would be "Where are you? I'll come get you and wait until the tow comes."

 

She could be doing other things and lying about having a flat, yes, but I still think she likes you. She may just have a lot of friend activities going on or something.

 

Yeah I know. I felt like if I did say that I would have her thinking "Wow he can't leave me alone" or me coming off as really wanting to see her. Which was why I said later I would have helped but I didn't know where you were and you were probably pissed off beyond belief, which she was. She ended up saying she didn't want me seeing her like that.

 

To the previous posters, hope me inviting her over the first time doesn't make me look bad or anything. I only asked cause she seems real down to earth and I thought she'd be cool with it, which she was. She is always telling me how much she watches netflix. I wasn't gonna do anything if you guys were thinking that. I'm a bit old fashioned, I know times are changing. I know inviting her over the first time isn't old fashioned, I was just eager to see her I guess. That's why I apologized and asked later to take her to dinner. She said she'd text me later but hasn't, but I'm not sweating it. She said last night she would text me after but didn't, then texted me this morning.

 

I guess I dodged a bullet there (so far..)

 

Should I text her tomorrow and see how she's doing or just leave it and have her text me? I'm at the point where I don't want to push it or overdue it.

[ThorntonMelon]

You're too early to play a lot of games as far as I'm concerned. I'd text her, tell her I hope she has a good day, and leave it alone.

[Assasda]

She sounds like a sweet girl in your posts.

If she has a lot in her plate, you might give her some time. Maybe after the court date, or whatever she has going on, but -

I think you should call her to set up a date to meet up.

 

Have a good conversation.

- No apologizing for anything

[UltimaWeapon]

I find her getting a flat tire the night she is suppose to hang out pure b.s..

 

she prob is dating other people and made plans with someone else and had to somehow get out of ur date.

 

Ask her out one more time if you really want too, but based on what she has been saying " she is too busy" to hangout.

 

Same situation as the girl I have been trying to get with.

[TheyCallMeOx]

I don't want to scare you, but I've pursued at least two women on OLD who have done gave seemingly reasonable excuses for cancelling plans. The first woman who flaked on me told me that she was sick; I offered to come over, bring her some medicine, and watch some movies, but she said no. Eventually, she dropped off the planet. The other woman and I had made plans, but she cancelled because her car wouldn't start. I offered to come pick her up, but she didn't like that idea. We rescheduled a couple times until she finally said that she's dating a friend, and she's not interested anymore.

 

I wouldn't jump to conclusions, but I would take opportunities to try and catch her in a lie. If she comes up with an excuse, you can test her response. I wouldn't get too comfortable because there's a possibility you may never see her...

 

I'd give her another chance, but I'd make sure she understands that you're looking for a woman who can commit to things, and has time available to commit to things. It's kind of a douchebag thing to say, but everyone's gotta do their fair share.

Edited September 9, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx

[djcos25]

Let's recap here a bit. I wouldn't really classify Sunday night as bailing or flaking. She was thinking of doing something, we didn't know what yet. She feels bad when I offer to pay, which is why she didn't want to get drinks, but do something else as it was a nice night. Something not involving money. The problem is it was around dinner time, and everything closes early on a Sunday night. It was getting a bit late so thats why I texted her saying I'm probably going to stay in, which she agreed and said sorry she got busy.

 

I do agree, her getting a flat tire the same night I was supposed to meet her does seem.. odd. Another reason I invited her to my place was because she was feeling bad again about me paying for drinks, so I said come over to watch netflix, something that doesn't involve money. Maybe I'm just used to girls flaking on me now. But yea, she's trying to sell that message table for money, the check she finally did get isn't enough, telling me "At least I can gas my car up now." She needs a new tire and rim, telling me she thinks someone can get one cheap for her. She kept up on her bills but totally spaced on her insurance, then she was pulled over for not using a blinker. That's when the cop noticed she wasn't up on her insurance and now has the court date for Thursday. When I called last night she did seem flustered, but was happy to talk to me.

 

So my question is, next time I talk to her, do I set up a definite date for dinner, or wait until this court date is over? And if I do, and she does the same thing "But I feel bad about you paying!" then what? Seems like every time I try to set something up, she tells me she feels bad about me paying, even though I constantly tell her don't, I insist. Like I said before, she said her ex was a loser, she would always pay, and she's not used to someone treating her nice. How do I get past that? She tells me, in her words, she can't wait to hang out with me, or last night, she'd rather be with me then at home with a migraine. If you really want to hang, why aren't you following through?

 

Its just getting a little frustrating hearing "I wanna hang with you" and the opposite happens. I know its bad, but lately whenever I get a girls number its turned from me thinking "when are we going to meet" to "ok when is she going to flake on me now?"

Edited September 9, 2014 by djcos25

[HappyLove]

"She tells me, in her words, she can't wait to hang out with me"

 

ACTIONS are what you look for NOT words!

 

Hey, if you wanna keep playing this game with her go ahead. You'll learn to set standards for yourself like if someone doesn't follow through you NEXT them. Way too many excuses with this one. Hope you're not putting all your eggs in one basket.

[djcos25]

Yeah I texted her today around lunch time just saying "hope you have a better day" and she replied quickly saying "thanks I am trying."

 

I'm gonna call her later, hopefully she answers like she has been. I'm gonna ask her out to dinner, this day at this time and I'll pick her up. I'll let her know its my final offer. I'm getting sick of hearing "I'll feel bad if you pay."

[mightycpa]

Yeah I texted her today around lunch time just saying "hope you have a better day" and she replied quickly saying "thanks I am trying."

 

I'm gonna call her later, hopefully she answers like she has been. I'm gonna ask her out to dinner, this day at this time and I'll pick her up. I'll let her know its my final offer. I'm getting sick of hearing "I'll feel bad if you pay."

 

yeah, do everything but that. It can be your final offer, but don't announce it. Just following through on it is enough.

[smackie9]

Forget about the flat tire....she has financial issues? still driving around on the spare? has to go to court? Keeps having to cancel? has a migraine? bro red flag red flag. I don't think she is flaking on you, she is a hot mess about dealing with responsability. Get the f away from her. Yikes! Talk about irresponsable. She would be that type that would end up borrowing your car, money, etc. You don't want to be with someone that has this much bad crap going on with them. Forget about her.

[Coil]

I agree with the poster above me....this woman is trouble and not worth it.

 

Very flakey with the games!

[smackie9]

On line dating is just a tool, not a miracle worker. All it does is give you easier access to more people, but the dating crunch is still the same whether you use it or not.

 

If you have trouble getting a date irl, you are going to have even a worse time with OLD.

 

If you are getting very little response, then you need to change your photos, change your profile, change your looks, etc in order to attract. Dont poo poo the fact you may have to make changes, many people do it, especially women. We will change our hair color or lose a few pounds if we think it will increase our odds. It's just a fact of life.

[djcos25]

So I called her today, she was at the beach. Picked up after a few rings. She seems perky when she answers. Not sure if its just for me or shes like that in general. She was with a friend, she told me she got the tire fixed. I told her that I hate to keep asking but if you're interested lets grab dinner Thursday night at 7 I'll pick you up. She agreed, putting up no fuss about me paying. I asked if she was sure she said yea. I just need to get her address. Shes just got the court date in the morning but again, dinners at 7.

 

We'll see what happens when Thursday rolls around.

[Mrin]

Catfishing maybe? Let me know how he looks.

 

Sorry, couldn't resist. Good luck dude and let us know how it turns out!

[Diezel]

You really need to stop being so "nice".

[venusishername]

. It sounded like she perked up a bit, she said "Oh no I totally was down, I wasn't creeped out, its just this stupid s*it has been going on this week, I don't want to say anything I'm sure you don't feel like hearing it." She said she tried to avoid some glass in the road and ended up running it over. I told her she can always talk to me. She's going through some financial problems, has a court date this Thursday involving her insurance. She needs a new tire as well.

 

I was very calm and understanding of the whole situation. Told her everything will work out in the end, take it day by day, etc. She's trying to sell a massage table to get some cash, having no luck. I offered to ask my boss from my old job at the gym. She told me she would rather be hanging out with me then being at home with a migraine. I told her I felt bad, I was gonna call and ask to come out to help but I didn't because I didn't know where she was and she was probably pissed off beyond belief. She told me yea you wouldn't of wanted to see me like that.

 

Bottom line is she seems like she's stressed beyond belief. I think she said after she gets through this court date she'll be fine. So I simply told her, one of these days let me come pick you up cause of the car troubles, lets go to a nice dinner cause you could use it, let me treat you. She giggled and said maybe I'll let you do that. She told me she's not used to a guy being nice to her, her ex never had money, was a loser and she always had to pay.

 

 

 

Ok, the fact that you invited her to your home for Netflix on a first date would've put me off big time, that's just me.. But I don't think YOU are the problem here, she is. So stop worrying you're doing something wrong.

 

Re-read your above posts. Look at what she has been telling you! Run. If this girl is giving you all this info so soon and so nonchalantly, even manipulatively telling you she would 'feel bad' for you to pay for her damn drinks on a date or 'let you' pay for her meal, those would be major red flags to me. I get it, people get flat tires and have money troubles. But the kind of person you want to hang around with doesn't do that up front with such little reservation. TROUBLE!!!

Edited September 9, 2014 by venusishername

[Assasda]

Dont know why you have to TELL her that youre gonna pay.

Seems a little bragging.

 

It should all be more fluid and friendly, less military like.

Just letting you know OP

[djcos25]

I only told her I'd pay when she said she doesn't have any money.

[preraph]

Next time she fights you about paying or whatever, say "Of COURSE I'm going to pay. This is a DATE." If she begs to differ, then at least you know, right?