Cavendish Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 So I am in a new relationship (3-4 months) and I'm growing really fond of my new boyfriend. I am confident that he feels very similarly about me. However, I am really struggling with how rarely he wants to see me. At the moment, we are doing 1 midweek overnight, and 1 weekend overnight per week, which I thought was already not that much time, but could just about deal with. However, tonight he said that the midweek sleepovers just mean he's exhausted at work the next day and let's just stick to the weekends for those. I'm really upset by this, and don't know what to do. I miss him a lot when I don't see him, and the idea of having even less time with him is painful for me. I don't want to be needy or clingy but based on previous relationships and friends' experiences, 2 nights a week is really not a lot, and I hate the idea of it being cut back. Can a relationship really move forward with that little closeness? I know I can't force it, so I don't really know what to do. I suppose partly I'm upset because it feels like I am so desperate to see him and want him all the time, and he seems indifferent by his w:lmao:illingness to reduce how much time we're together. Part of me feels like if he shared my level of attraction and interest, he'd forfeit a day of feeling energetic at work (as I would in a heartbeat) and so I feel sad that he isn't in that space. What can I do? If I mention that it's important to me I probably seem needy which is not what I want to channel at all, but if I accept it I live in misery because I just miss him all the time! Sorry if this sounds ridiculous but it is really getting me down. Thanks in advance for any guidance!
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 you can take this with a grain of salt... seems like he is getting the better end of the deal. i would refrain from sex, until he starts making time for you. contrary to peeps reasoning. sex is the last thing to build a relationship. if your complaining that he does not want more, then i would think your in a FWB, not in a BF relationship.
Priv Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Part of me feels like if he shared my level of attraction and interest, he'd forfeit a day of feeling energetic at work (as I would in a heartbeat) and so I feel sad that he isn't in that space. People more than wise and level headed than me would disagree, but yea, I totally sacrifice that too when I am into someone. Just seeing each other 1 night a week is very little after 4 months. Sounds like he isn't that into you. Sorry 1
mammasita Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 I tend to disagree but this is said with the understanding that I am in a relationship as a single parent with a single parent who has physical custody of our children. We only see eachother on weekends but when we were courting we went out on "dates" midweek however we were both tired as **** the next day at work. That changed once we settled in and knew we were booked for each others weekends. It's quite possible now that you have settled into your relationship a bit he needs to get back into his work routine. For now I'd take it with a grain of salt. For clarification though how do weeknight sleepovers make him tired? Is he coming to you or you going to him?
Absinthe Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Cavendish, I went through and read your other posts and your situation is eerily similar to one I used to go through. Not texting in and of itself is not necessarily a problem. My parents can't be bothered to call me for weeks on end if I don't instigate it first. Once a relationship gets into a stage of comfort, where you both know where you're at, then texts are also infrequent, and that's pretty normal too. I have dated plenty of men who texted and messaged often enough that I knew where I stood. In fact, because they were consistent, I didn't notice if they weren't texting 24/7. And I believed them when they said they were busy, because I knew that it was temporary. I was secure in that knowledge. I myself am very busy, but I am NEVER that busy for someone I'm really into. But I once dated someone who NEVER initiated contact, who only saw me twice a week, like your guy, and who was always "too busy"...like your guy. It did a number on my head, because when we did see each other, it was awesome. I am not one to panic or overanalyse, but the inconsistency plays with you. It's mean, damnit! It was my gut that gave the game away. He was juggling multiple women. No wonder he had no time! What does your gut tell you? I think you know the answer already.
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Can you still have mid-week dates? If only the sleep overs are curtailed, simmer down a bit. Date, talk, Skpye if it comes to that. As things gel a bit more, reinstate the midweek sleepovers but try to go to bed at a descent hour.
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