evanescentworld Posted September 9, 2014 Posted September 9, 2014 Take someone with you, and tell them to prevent you at all costs from either engaging him, or letting him engage you in an emotional re-cap and churning stuff over. It's over, finished. You are your own agent, he is his own. He broke up with you, and ended it. He should suck it up and deal with it. Do your stuff with as little comment and chat as possible, and what DOES get said, should be neutral and general. If he says anything relating to your emotional situation, just act as if you hadn't heard it. If he presses the point, tell him "Look: It's over. That field's ploughed and done with. I don't have any intention whatsoever of discussing anything more with you. There's nothing to discuss. You dumped me, so you go your way, and I'll go mine, finished. OK?" And just take your stuff, and leave asap. But be with someone, to help give you that strength. 1
Author tory1012 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Posted September 10, 2014 So I feel ridiculous writing this but I want some advice and finally put a plan into place to move forward from this. It's gonna be a long one. Buckle your seatbelts and enjoy! My partner and me met over a year ago. When we first met eachother everything was amazing! We really clicked and had so much fun together. I moved into his place about 4 months into the relationship. I was talking with an ex through text and there was a message from him saying that he wants to see me and that he knows the first thing he would like to do with me. ( sexual reference obviously. ) My ex saw the text and he instantly lost trust in me and there was nothing I could do as I had been messaging him too and delted the conversation. At that time I was confused about what I really wanted and my past ways of being unfaithful with this particular ex still resinated with me. Anyway we got past that and I never did anything else to prove myself untrustworthy ( realting to infidelity) again. I developed a gambling problem and lied so so much about where my money had gone and what I had spent it on. This went on for about 4-5 months. I have now at the end of the relationship finally sorted that out and no longer have an issue. So going to the break-up the ex is saying two different things about why it ended. He is telling people that he felt he had to mentor me and that the trust in our relationship had ended. He's also telling me that he needs to find who he really is and work on himself. Says he doesn't want anyone and wants to be alone for a while. From my recent post he found out that i had kissed somebody else because I passive aggresively posted on facebook that I had done it and he found out through his friends and family who are still on my facebook. ( They have unfriended me now and don't like me because of this). My ex went crazy when he found out about it and couldn't believe that I had done that because we have just broken up. I went to see him that night and he was a different person when he actually saw me. He calmed down and we were able to talk. Had some hugs and even held hands. Saturday essentially is D-DAY because the finality of the relationship will be at its end. I get that the old relationship we had is over and he has lost trust in me. But my question is below, I believe that me and this person can really work and trust can be built. I understand that I will have to cut contact and there is a very long road ahead. I just want to know given what I have written if there is ANY possiblity of hope for an eventual reconciliation or does my situation seem 100% absolute hopeless. It's hard letting go and I will doing that I just some help and guidance.
SoThatHappened Posted September 10, 2014 Posted September 10, 2014 1. I moved into his place about 4 months into the relationship. 2. I was talking with an ex through text 3. I was confused about what I really wanted 4. I developed a gambling problem and lied so so much about where my money had gone and what I had spent it on. 5. I passive aggresively posted on facebook that I had done it and he found out through his friends and family who are still on my facebook. 6. I believe that me and this person can really work and trust can be built. I want to be helpful and nice. I really do, but look at what I've listed from your last post. 1. You moved in way too quickly. I'm guessing you're young (I can't remember) 2. You moved in while still keeping in contact with an ex. 3. If you were confused, why did you move in?!?! 4. You may have owned up to that now, but I don't blame him for his issues with your gambling problem. 5. Classless and immature. 6. You think you can make it work and trust can be built? You need to work on yourself, and big time. This is a little tough love I know, but that list would make me run for the hills too. Sorry sweetheart
Author tory1012 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 I want to be helpful and nice. I really do, but look at what I've listed from your last post. 1. You moved in way too quickly. I'm guessing you're young (I can't remember) 2. You moved in while still keeping in contact with an ex. 3. If you were confused, why did you move in?!?! 4. You may have owned up to that now, but I don't blame him for his issues with your gambling problem. 5. Classless and immature. 6. You think you can make it work and trust can be built? You need to work on yourself, and big time. This is a little tough love I know, but that list would make me run for the hills too. Sorry sweetheart Yeah I know! Which is why this is so hard! I really do love him and have completely sabotaged our whole relationship. We were engaged and I just ruined the whole thing. I am so self aware and know all my issues, but you're right I need to work on myself and big time. I can't believe what I have done! Now I need to put my big girl panties on and really improve and get better. I was such a c*nt. 1
elseaacych Posted September 11, 2014 Posted September 11, 2014 Hey, at least you are owning your part of the breakup. Now, resolve to do better for yourself in the future and move on. NC. Don't think about it. The more you think about it the harder it gets. 1
Author tory1012 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Posted September 11, 2014 Yes this is going to be a long, lonely and hard road for me. I think I am upset and am at war with myself because I was so much of the problem. I love this man and have grown so fond of him. I just want the pain to stop and I want to finally start recovery. I suppose I can seek solace in the fact that he doesn't hate or resent me. He simply wants to be by himself and move one. We did have a very loving relationship and I know he loves me but just too much has happened. I don't know whether we can ever be together but i hope so. But now belatedly it is about myself and my own recovery. Aditionally I will be posting everyday on a NC journal and will spill al my feelings and what is going on. I really do think that will asist. 1
Author tory1012 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Posted September 14, 2014 So after this weekend I moved my stuff out of his house and moved into my new place. I had an awesome weekend and enjoyed myself with some friends. We had a long conversation yesterday and he told me that he loved me and still had feelings for me. He will be thinking over things. He told me to stop pushing and that he doesn't want anything right now. I've decided to let it be and I don't want to keep talking to him as I believe if I keep nagging then it will just push him away. I am going to attempt 30 days NC. I need to move on and concentrate on myself and getting my life sorted out. Today i feel okay and there is definently a bit of anxiety about what the furure holds. I need to do this so that I can move on and accept it for what it is. I don't want to wake up 3 months later and still be feeling upset and hoping.
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