d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 First of all never try to have an emotional conversation via FB. If you say this always happens, your poor medium choice probably plays a role. When you are discussing relationships & feelings, face to face is best but the phone / Skype is the next best option. Leave FB for pithy witticisms & nothing more serious. 1
Author tory1012 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Today is another day - I think the finality of the situation last night was the most upsetting. I asked him are you 100% sure that you want this. He replied with "Yes,Sorry". Also I asked him if the thought of me with somebody else physically upset him. He replied "Nope, it is to be expected we are not together" I think I kind of forced him into saying he will think about but I don't hold any hope. He seems to have made up his mind. He thinks he had to mentor me and wanted to concentrate on his business and study + work. Is that GIGS? I do want him back but I told him that I wont talk to him for a couple of weeks because I do need to go and pick up all my stuff from his house. There's nothing more I can do. He knows how I feel. There's nobody else "right now" .... But obviously he will move on and I really don't know how I'm going to deal with that.
Smarty Pants Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 People try to match their situation with the GIGS post, thinking that they might come back. That post shouldn't be pinned. What can you do? Exactly what he said, don't dwell on it because he isn't.
Author tory1012 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I know I shouldn't dwell on it! How can you come to terms with realising that it is actually over and stop hoping that they will change their mind and come back. It's so difficult.
d0nnivain Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 the first few dates when the pain is most acute are the worst. You will get through this. Give yourself time & permission to grieve. Take the weekend & drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream. Surround yourself with supportive friends. Box up all the mementos. Hang in there. Whatever you do, stop chasing after him. Accepting that it's over will at least preserve your dignity.
me85 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) You just have to keep living life, girly. /= I'm sending virtual hugs your way. d0nnivain said it best, accepting that the RS is over is the only option you have in order to move forward. "To have a broken heart is a good thing. It means we have tried for something." I've been in love with that quote every since I heard it. Edited September 4, 2014 by me85 1
Author tory1012 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Yeah I was doing okay until I talked to him! This is so hard - but I have to accept it is over.
Lalocket Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 don't worry i'm finding it just as hard as you if that helps. we have to move the stuff out of our flat and are doing it on different days to avoid eachother. it is horrible it can come to this with someone you still love. once all the cards etc. are out the way it will give you a chance to heal. i feel like i cannot properly heal until we are moved out of our flat even though we arent living there at the moment. this forum is the only thing that helps me so vent as much as you like
tim_tom Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 I'm just venting and it is nice to get it out of my system. I don't even care if nobody replies lol. I'm just going through a whole heap of moods everyday. Ander, sadness, lonliness. I am afraid this weekend that I will actually get in contact and make a complete d*ck of myself. The mood swings and feeling out of control are the worst of it for me. I would be fine with a steady sadness, but I don't know from one minute to the next if I'm going to feel good, angry, sad, anxious, etc.. Yesterday I moved through all those emotions before 2pm. It's really something, I've never had such a complete lack of control over my emotions
Author tory1012 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Thanks for your replies guys it always helps! Well even though I am still feeling the lingering sorrow from the break up I successfully endured a night alone last night and did not contact him at all. I have plans today with friends and will be going out tonight! That should take my mind off things for a bit. I don't know how to come to terms with it ending, I am trying. There will be moments of clarity where I will think " right, it's over, time to move on with your life & then other times I seem to dwell on the relationship. The relationship that we had is over. I need to figure out now am I sad because I was co-dependant on him or did I actually love him and being with him. We certainly had our ups and down. Towards the end I didn't even want to sleep with him so there's always that and I feel I just got way too comfortable in the relationship and stopped looking after myself.
Author tory1012 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Today is a hard day! I feel im not coping very well with things. I can't stop talking to him. I miss him so much
emotionalMess Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 No no no! He did you a huge favor and showed you his cards. You do not want to be with someone who can just flip a switch on you like that at any moment. No, please stop and count your blessings. You are feeling the pain of rejection. It's going to take time but trust this, you are waaaaaaaay better off today. Think of it that way okay?
Author tory1012 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 He dumped me because he felt like he was my dad and had to mentor me! I had a gambling problem at one point and I lied so much about things that he pretty much lost trust. I've stopped gambling now and dont have a problem, He says he still cares for me. Now I have to accept what i've done and move forward. It really hard. I'm sort of hoping if I can prove that I can stand on my own two feet then he would want me back.
Zzyxx Posted September 7, 2014 Posted September 7, 2014 Ouch, I know what you're going through. The pain is crazy, but at least you have good insight to things. Do you have any close friends or family members you can talk to about this?
Author tory1012 Posted September 7, 2014 Author Posted September 7, 2014 Yeah it's really hard to know that I was alot of the cause! In order for anything to work there would need to be trust there again and eI'm pretty sure thats completely gone. He got really upset with me when he thought that I was with somebody else. I know he still loves and cares about me but i just broke his trust and lied too much to him. I just need to ge myself better and learn from it.
Author tory1012 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 I don't feel too bad at the moment and seem to see the light! I'm going to go for a big walk after work to my new flat to arrange some things. I'm going NC until Saturday which is when I need to go over and move my things out of the house. Once I have done that I plan to go FULL NC! time for me to move on. It didn't work - I wasn't happy towards the end either. I was thinking of being with other people. All hope is not lost - Life will go on. I will be okay!
Author tory1012 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 So my ex found out through FB that I had kissed somebody else in the weekend. That's all it was, a kiss... He went crazy and posted on FB all my issues with gambling and called me a sl*t. This was public and for all my friends and family to see. I was not near a computer but man i got some good friends because they called me for my password and instantly removed it! So I went over to pick up some of my stuff and he was like a different person as soon as he saw he had calmed down. I made it so that we left on good terms because I didn't know what he had written until I got home. Now i'm just mad! Also given his actions I know i haven't seen the last of him and I can imagine I'm going to hear from him once i've started moving on with my life. Also he manipulated me to make me feel bad about the kiss - I said to him "YOU DUMPED ME" what do you expect?? What do you guys think? lUCKY ESCAPE?
evanescentworld Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 On the face of it, it would seem so. Block, delete and have nothing more to do with him. It sounds as if it would be for the best anyway. Sorted. 1
mightycpa Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 So my ex found out through FB that I had kissed somebody else in the weekend. That's all it was, a kiss... He went crazy and posted on FB all my issues with gambling and called me a sl*t. This was public and for all my friends and family to see. I was not near a computer but man i got some good friends because they called me for my password and instantly removed it! So I went over to pick up some of my stuff and he was like a different person as soon as he saw he had calmed down. I made it so that we left on good terms because I didn't know what he had written until I got home. Now i'm just mad! Also given his actions I know i haven't seen the last of him and I can imagine I'm going to hear from him once i've started moving on with my life. Also he manipulated me to make me feel bad about the kiss - I said to him "YOU DUMPED ME" what do you expect?? What do you guys think? lUCKY ESCAPE? Some dumpers make it easy for you. This sounds like one of them. The emergency clarions are sounding. Head for the escape pods, and don't look back. 1
me85 Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 Yes you definitely dodged a bullet. You need to have a serious conversation with your ex on blabbing your personal business on social media or at all for any reason. You can definitely sue someone for those kinds of things. You need to make it clear that he has no right whatsoever to do anything like that, ever for any reason and next time you will involve his family or yours or the damn authorities. I really despise immature little a$$ holes like that.
SoThatHappened Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 It's going to be hard, but you need to cut all ties. Get all of your stuff back, and do it while he's not there. If you have to, send a friend to get everything. Remove/delete/block... especially on Facebook. This guy is a d-bag for saying what he said on your Facebook. Run. He's not mature and doesn't deserve you.
Author tory1012 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah I know!! The worst thing is that we left on good terms last night! I didn't even know what he had written. Now i'm just furious. I just want to gracefully get the rest of my stuff on Saturday and the get the f*ck out of there for good. I'm glad my friends acted quickly and took it down within 10 minutes of it being posted. Like what a mental case. NC - he only knows my mobile number and thank goodness he wont know where i will be living.
SoThatHappened Posted September 8, 2014 Posted September 8, 2014 It's actually a blessing in disguise that you didn't know what he said until after you left on good terms. He probably thinks you saw what he posted, but you still acted completely mature and bowed out gracefully. Plus, you get the added bonus of being mad at him for something he did. Use that anger. Don't go back to get the rest of your stuff unless you know for sure he won't be there. He's dead to you now, and you need to become a ghost to him. 2
Author tory1012 Posted September 8, 2014 Author Posted September 8, 2014 Yeah I'm really glad that it happened too. It has certainly helped with the healing process and accepting that it is over! I need to go NC - rid myself of his toxic behaviour. I will make sure he is not there on saturday. He needs some serious help! No wonder he has been in so many relationships..
Author tory1012 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Posted September 9, 2014 So i'm going to start a NC journal which is basically where I write down every NC day with I feel. Since there is a possibility of me seeing him this weekend while I have to sort through my stuff doe this mean I shouldn't start. Because I really want to initiate it now. Advice!
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