ex went crazy

[tory1012]

What a horrible 24 hours - I've been dumped. Me and my partner were together just over a year. Lived together, got engaged and made plans.

 

He dumped me and basically told me that he doesn't feel upset over the break up. I cried at the start and tried to ask him if we can work things out which didn't seem to work.

 

I decided to accept the break-up gracefully and leave in the morning. I tried my absolutely hardest to not show emotion though the remainder of the evening. I will be staying at a friends house for a few weeks while I sort out a place to live and get myself financially sorted. When I left this morning I told him goodbye and that I will get in contact when I will come and pack my stuff.

 

He offered me a hug which I declined because I certainly do not want to hug the person who has been the cause of all my pain.

 

I just don't understand why he doesn't feel a thing. In these situations do the dumpees just get over it and move on?

 

Only last week he was telling me he loved me. How can things change so quickly! I know that he has had troubled relationships in the past but I gave him the benfit of the doubt because so have I!

 

I am so mad at him doing this to me! I will def be going NC until I need to, to pick up my stuff.

 

Is there an anger stage? Post break-up?

 

I need support and advice. Feeling really down

[D-Lish]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Break ups are so hard.

 

People don't come to the conclusion to leave their partners overnight. It's usually something they've been processing for a while. By the time they've made the decision to leave- it seems like they are emotionless, but they've already reconciled with the break up by the time they tell you.

[y993]

What a horrible 24 hours - I've been dumped. Me and my partner were together just over a year. Lived together, got engaged and made plans.

 

He dumped me and basically told me that he doesn't feel upset over the break up. I cried at the start and tried to ask him if we can work things out which didn't seem to work.

 

I decided to accept the break-up gracefully and leave in the morning. I tried my absolutely hardest to not show emotion though the remainder of the evening. I will be staying at a friends house for a few weeks while I sort out a place to live and get myself financially sorted. When I left this morning I told him goodbye and that I will get in contact when I will come and pack my stuff.

 

He offered me a hug which I declined because I certainly do not want to hug the person who has been the cause of all my pain.

 

I just don't understand why he doesn't feel a thing. In these situations do the dumpees just get over it and move on?

 

Only last week he was telling me he loved me. How can things change so quickly! I know that he has had troubled relationships in the past but I gave him the benfit of the doubt because so have I!

 

I am so mad at him doing this to me! I will def be going NC until I need to, to pick up my stuff.

 

Is there an anger stage? Post break-up?

 

I need support and advice. Feeling really down

 

I am so sorry to hear you are in the position that you are in. I got dumped by my girlfriend after 3 yrs on 1st Dec 2013. The best thing you did was not accept the hug, that is what I can't stand about the dumpers, they have all this bull sh*t confidence and feel the need to pity us the dumpees. In my opinion to block emotions is never good, but if you made your feelings clear then that is important.

You seem to have the right ''plan''. No contact will help you look at the breakup from all angles and will also prevent your ex from giving you any more pity and rubbish excuses. I left the no contact to late, she just acted as if nothing had happened and then she would contradict everything we had talked about last time, after the break up I begged and pleaded and still to no avail. Five months later I said enough is enough, if she wants a break up well that is damn well what she should get and not keep me in limbo. I regret leaving it so late and begging and pleading. I should have cut all ties from the beginning and it would have saved me a lot of stress.

I think since the breakup is recent the main thing that you should do is THINK, how you feel, what to do next, take each day as it comes. If you do speak to him, be honest, whether it is anger or euphoria.

The anger issue is very difficult, I 9 months down the line feel almost the same anger as I did after the break up (that says more about me than it does about the situation...), so whether you choose to let go of anger or analyse why you are mad depends on why you angry is up to you. In my opinion analysing the anger will eventually lead to letting go of it slowly, slowly.

Stay Strong!

[tory1012]

I am so sorry to hear you are in the position that you are in. I got dumped by my girlfriend after 3 yrs on 1st Dec 2013. The best thing you did was not accept the hug, that is what I can't stand about the dumpers, they have all this bull sh*t confidence and feel the need to pity us the dumpees. In my opinion to block emotions is never good, but if you made your feelings clear then that is important.

You seem to have the right ''plan''. No contact will help you look at the breakup from all angles and will also prevent your ex from giving you any more pity and rubbish excuses. I left the no contact to late, she just acted as if nothing had happened and then she would contradict everything we had talked about last time, after the break up I begged and pleaded and still to no avail. Five months later I said enough is enough, if she wants a break up well that is damn well what she should get and not keep me in limbo. I regret leaving it so late and begging and pleading. I should have cut all ties from the beginning and it would have saved me a lot of stress.

I think since the breakup is recent the main thing that you should do is THINK, how you feel, what to do next, take each day as it comes. If you do speak to him, be honest, whether it is anger or euphoria.

The anger issue is very difficult, I 9 months down the line feel almost the same anger as I did after the break up (that says more about me than it does about the situation...), so whether you choose to let go of anger or analyse why you are mad depends on why you angry is up to you. In my opinion analysing the anger will eventually lead to letting go of it slowly, slowly.

Stay Strong!

 

Yeah also last night because we did sleep in the same bed he also offered me a hand hold. I was like hell no I don't want your pity hold.

 

I think I'm just angry because now that he wants to break-up he sees me as such an inconvenience and I will never forget how he's treated me throughout the whole ordeal. I just want to walk away with my dignity.

 

I've been down that road of begging and pleading with another partner and I really don't want to do that again.

 

Although the pain is so bad right now I just have to realise that it will go away with time.

[tory1012]

Just got all teary at work in front of a colleague!

 

I hate this feeling so much!

[mightycpa]

While there's really no good kind of breakup, the one where I was a) in love and b) blindsided was the absolute worst. The pain from that went on and on and on, and I never did have that day where I woke up and said "Ahhh! No longer in love with her!"

 

It just kind of faded, and eventually, I didn't think about it much. But if I do think about it, it still hurts me. The good news is I did fall in love again, a couple of times. But the hurt still survived those experiences. I always thought that was odd.

 

Your mileage may vary, but from reading these forums, my experience is not out of the ordinary.

[mammasita]

Just got all teary at work in front of a colleague!

 

I hate this feeling so much!

 

I know it sucks, I know this all too well. I cried at my desk at work, I cried at the pharmacy picking up prescriptions, I cried in the bathroom at work.....oh even in front of my boss during staff meetings.

 

It will pass, I promise.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

When one partner feels little or no emotion during a break-up, it's because they've already "broken up" in their minds. They have already mentally detached, separated, thought of themselves as single (or moved on to someone else).

 

You will get over it and move on, but it takes time. Accepting the finality of the situation is the hardest part. The other stages still hurt but not nearly as much.

[SoThatHappened]

People don't come to the conclusion to leave their partners overnight. It's usually something they've been processing for a while. By the time they've made the decision to leave- it seems like they are emotionless, but they've already reconciled with the break up by the time they tell you.

 

When one partner feels little or no emotion during a break-up, it's because they've already "broken up" in their minds. They have already mentally detached, separated, thought of themselves as single (or moved on to someone else).

 

You will get over it and move on, but it takes time. Accepting the finality of the situation is the hardest part. The other stages still hurt but not nearly as much.

 

Unfortunately, what is said above is exactly correct. I've been on both ends of the breakup, and it's the truth. More than likely, the dumper had the relationship end in their minds before it actually ended. Sucks to think about, but it's usually the case.

 

There are some extreme rare cases where someone who is mentally/emotionally unstable can change in the blink of an eye, but that's not the norm.

 

You sound strong. You'll get past this. You have to get away from him and move in a different direction and let time do its thing.

[tory1012]

I know!

 

It just makes me so confused as why he can say he loves me and then just break up with me. I mean on Saturday he was telling me how much he loves me when he was drunk tho.

 

Is it possible we just need space? I don't to start any self-denial or anything like that it just seems out of the blue. He was so cold!

[mammasita]

I know!

 

It just makes me so confused as why he can say he loves me and then just break up with me. I mean on Saturday he was telling me how much he loves me when he was drunk tho.

 

Is it possible we just need space? I don't to start any self-denial or anything like that it just seems out of the blue. He was so cold!

 

Honey go back and read your threads to refresh your memory.....doesn't look to me like this was "all of a sudden"

 

None the less I know it hurts but it wil pass.

[tory1012]

Yeah I know its not im just being delusional!

 

I managed to get through the first 24 hours NC! I'm staying with my friends at the moment and when I arrived after work yesterday they had a gift waiting on my bed that said welcome. When I opened it there was a mobile phone which was amazing since mine is broken. I was overwhelmed and so humbled!

 

I have blocked him on facebook and removed all the photos of us together.

 

I do need to contact him in a couple of weeks about getting my stuff to move into a new place however I'm going to request that when I go there and pack everything that he go out so I don't see him.

 

I've never done full NC before but essentially it seems it is the best way. (it's only day 2 tho!)

[tim_tom]

Unfortunately, what is said above is exactly correct. I've been on both ends of the breakup, and it's the truth. More than likely, the dumper had the relationship end in their minds before it actually ended. Sucks to think about, but it's usually the case.

 

There are some extreme rare cases where someone who is mentally/emotionally unstable can change in the blink of an eye, but that's not the norm.

 

You sound strong. You'll get past this. You have to get away from him and move in a different direction and let time do its thing.

 

Ok, but the thing I don't understand is that right up to the very end the dumper is telling you they love you and making future plans. (at least in a lot of the cases I read on here where the dumpee is distraught).. (Including me, 4 days before BU day she told me she decided on the setting she wanted after wanting to go look at it the week before)

 

When I've ended things in the past I distanced way before that, stopped saying I love you unsolicited, and basically made it obvious I was checked out. I can't imagine how someone who is already broken up as you say, would, on their request, go look for engagement rings or talk about where/when we would get married.

 

If that talk had stopped a month earlier, I'd have A) been able to mentally prepare for it or B) Do something to fix it!

[tim_tom]

Yeah I know its not im just being delusional!

 

I managed to get through the first 24 hours NC! I'm staying with my friends at the moment and when I arrived after work yesterday they had a gift waiting on my bed that said welcome. When I opened it there was a mobile phone which was amazing since mine is broken. I was overwhelmed and so humbled!

 

I have blocked him on facebook and removed all the photos of us together.

 

I do need to contact him in a couple of weeks about getting my stuff to move into a new place however I'm going to request that when I go there and pack everything that he go out so I don't see him.

 

I've never done full NC before but essentially it seems it is the best way. (it's only day 2 tho!)

 

NC is the best way, I am on day 13. It's up and down truly, but way easier then when we were in contact and I was keeping my hopes up.

 

I feel for you

[Magnet]

I agree with above poster- you do sound strong and it's good you are doing the right things. Keep strong, we are all here.

 

Definitely keep NC (I am on Day 3 after relapse) and when the possessions thing comes around, treat it business, like someone (Carhill) advised me tonight.

 

First time around exchanging possessions I kind of twisted it around into a way of winning her back and second time around I couldn't hack it and told her to keep my stuff. I wish I had just kept my poker face on and 'completed the mission'.

 

But anyway hang in there!

[tory1012]

Ok, but the thing I don't understand is that right up to the very end the dumper is telling you they love you and making future plans. (at least in a lot of the cases I read on here where the dumpee is distraught).. (Including me, 4 days before BU day she told me she decided on the setting she wanted after wanting to go look at it the week before)

 

When I've ended things in the past I distanced way before that, stopped saying I love you unsolicited, and basically made it obvious I was checked out. I can't imagine how someone who is already broken up as you say, would, on their request, go look for engagement rings or talk about where/when we would get married.

 

If that talk had stopped a month earlier, I'd have A) been able to mentally prepare for it or B) Do something to fix it!

 

Yes I know, I suppose that is why I was so shocked. But what can I do ya know? I'm not going to beg him to stay with me if he doesn't want to. Like I've said previously I've done that before and it just leads down a long and arduous path to pain and suffering.

[SoThatHappened]

Ok, but the thing I don't understand is that right up to the very end the dumper is telling you they love you and making future plans. (at least in a lot of the cases I read on here where the dumpee is distraught).. (Including me, 4 days before BU day she told me she decided on the setting she wanted after wanting to go look at it the week before)

 

When I've ended things in the past I distanced way before that, stopped saying I love you unsolicited, and basically made it obvious I was checked out. I can't imagine how someone who is already broken up as you say, would, on their request, go look for engagement rings or talk about where/when we would get married.

 

If that talk had stopped a month earlier, I'd have A) been able to mentally prepare for it or B) Do something to fix it!

 

I don't get it either. I'm the same as you. I tried hard with a long-term ex to make things better and convince myself I could stay with her. Once I realized I just couldn't stay in the relationship anymore, I let her know that I was unhappy. Took over a year to get out of that (because she lived with me and wouldn't leave... hard to explain :/ ), BUT, she knew for a long time I was unhappy and wanted out. That helped me process the breakup because I knew it was coming, although she should have known as well.

 

Short-term ex confessed to fooling around with a co-worker less than 24 hours after her sending "I love you's, I still can't believe how happy I am, blah blah blah"

 

Blindsided, for sure. I just kept telling her on the phone, "I can't believe you would stray..." over and over. I literally couldn't believe it after 7 months of nothing but idolization and "love" from her.

 

Either way, she was on her way out probably 2 weeks before it happened (or she's really got a disorder).

 

I think one can see certain signs for a while, and try to confront them and work on it. THAT would be healthy.

 

Dropping a bomb out of nowhere... that's another story. I'm with you though.

Edited September 2, 2014 by SoThatHappened

[tory1012]

I don't get it either. I'm the same as you. I tried hard with a long-term ex to make things better and convince myself I could stay with her. Once I realized I just couldn't stay in the relationship anymore, I let her know that I was unhappy. Took over a year to get out of that (because she lived with me and wouldn't leave... hard to explain :/ ), BUT, she knew for a long time I was unhappy and wanted out. That helped me process the breakup because I knew it was coming, although she should have known as well.

 

Short-term ex confessed to fooling around with a co-worker less than 24 hours after her sending "I love you's, I still can't believe how happy I am, blah blah blah"

 

Blindsided, for sure. I just kept telling her on the phone, "I can't believe you would stray..." over and over. I literally couldn't believe it after 7 months of nothing but idolization and "love" from her.

 

Either way, she was on her way out probably 2 weeks before it happened (or she's really got a disorder).

 

I think one can see certain signs for a while, and try to confront them and work on it. THAT would be healthy.

 

Dropping a bomb out of nowhere... that's another story. I'm with you though.

 

Yeah I mean we had arguements like every other couples. And he did get fustrated and angry alot. He has soo much on his plate but he had created that for himself and i think that he just thought that he would get rid of me and it would free up some stress or something like that.

 

I'm fighting the urge to contact him now! We also have to go into the bank together to cancel our joint accounts :S not looking forward to it.

[tory1012]

I have an hour for lunch everyday and I am sitting here trying with every thing to not contact him!

 

So difficult.

[tory1012]

FFS!

 

I'm so mad at myself. I called him. I sent his eftpos card back to him and advised him to change his online banking details so I didn't know them. Also I called him a second time to ask he can arrange any boxes for me for when I come back and arrange my move.

 

He sounded a lot more deflated than on Monday but I think he's probably feeling guilty about hurting me.

 

However I can say that I did not let any emotions show during our conversations. He asked me How I was, I said "fine". Then he proceeded to say "just making sure". Get f***ked! He just wanted to seek some sort way to feel less guilty.

 

God! Back to sqaure one. I felt quite sad afterwards however talking to him is making me think because he sounded a bit different he was having second thoughts!

 

I HATE BREAK UPS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Am I always going to be the person who gets dumped? Or is it because I'm young.

[tory1012]

I struggled last night - All I wanted to do was message and say I miss you, but I know that won't do me any good.

 

I know that my attempts would be futile. Anyway my friends are going away today and wont return until sunday So I will be alone in their house this weekend.

 

I must make plans and stay busy.

 

"The best revenge is Success"

 

I will be strong and I will not surcumb to my feelings!

[tory1012]

I'm just venting and it is nice to get it out of my system. I don't even care if nobody replies lol.

 

I'm just going through a whole heap of moods everyday.

 

Ander, sadness, lonliness.

 

I am afraid this weekend that I will actually get in contact and make a complete d*ck of myself.

[SoThatHappened]

Too tired to reply to your last few posts tonight, but I will as soon as I can tomorrow. You're doing well, but please do not contact. You will get through tomorrow, then Friday, then this weekend. Will respond again soon

[tory1012]

I don't know what to do now.

 

He said he will think on things but told me not to dwell on it. I'm so upset and feel so empty.

 

Why does this always has to happen??

 

I love him and miss him. I just dont know what to do

[Purepony]

I don't know the full situation but give him space for now. It will help you and him